Silent Treatment

[Kelly1999x]

Hi please only kind messages.
my husband has been ignoring me fully and giving me the silent treatment for 5 days. Totally ignoring me as if I was invisible. 5 days ago we had an argument ive apologised many times. We had to borrow mums car, and it needed petrol so I stopped at the petrol station and asked him to please but petrol in it (i would pay) but he said something like no why should I or something and got angry because I parked af the wrong place so I just drove off without getting petrol and he said “this is a f* joke” so out of reaction I said “your a f** joke” I know I shouldnt have and Its totally out of character for me I just snapped to his comments and un willingness to help. I’ve apologised so many times for my comment and made it clear it was in heat of the moment and that I was totally out of line and horroble. I haveng said anything like that ever before. He still is ignoring me and just says “your a f joke” or “leave me alone” has not said anything else. What should I do? Ive said if he wants to leave he can still doesng reply. Feel so bad I didnt mean what I said! Its been 5 days im going crazy!

You must feel so muddled, I bet - of course that's the intention of the silent treatment. It's so worrying that this is pattern in your relationship.

Have you ever read, 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft? It's free to download online as a PDF. It's a great book to read when you're feeling confused like this. There's so much information in there that could help you pick through these thoughts.

Exactly I feel stuck.
childcare is around £600 each months.
Gas/electric £150 each month
council tax £250 each month
loan I took out on Mat leave £152 each month
kitchen payments £300 (he said he would pqy half when we bought the kitchen but hasnt paid a penny)
food £300 avarage

he is very good in contributing money for chilrcare/clothes but if I left him I don’t think he would.
next uear the kitchen payments will have finished and when she is 3 I will have 30 hours free childcare so I will feel more confident. Like you say I will try and plan aheaf and distance myself. Thank you.

Tell your mother the truth and tell her what you are planning.
Stop apologising.
He is hugely abusive.

Your marriage is over so you need to read up on detaching emotionally and developing your independence.

He is a bad man and you need to realise that.
You will be much much better off on your own.
Tell your mother the truth and stop engaging with him.
Focus all energy of getting to a place where you can tell the prick to get out.

My mum knows everythinh and says its up to me what I do. She does like him and they do get on. But she doesny like how he is with me at times. However I haveng got anyone that could support me financially, me family are struggling as it is. Even tho its my mums second home - she got it off my grandmother and lets us stay there because cant afford our own place. Very lucky. I feel like thats the thing that holdibg me back.

I’ve just told him
”Its been 5 days now we need to talk cant carry on like this. If your not gonna talk I think you should leave”
he didnt reply so I said “are you gonna talk to me” and he eaid “when Im ready and Ill talk when im ready” I told him “If your not gonna talk I want you to go. Still no reply!!!!! How do I handle it if he doesnt reply to me saying he should go? Also I asked for grocery money his turn didny reply

If he won't reply, tell him that you will be divorcing him and mean it. Serve papers. My exH was abusive, the silent treatment was just one of his tools of emotional abuse. Get rid of him, you'll have a much better life. It may be tough financially, but the other rewards are worth it.

You tell your mother that you will be contacting the police to have him removed from the house.
Ask for her support.

Contact Women's aid for advice and support too.

Money problems
Or
Mental safety problems

For you and your child.
It is up to you only.

He still thinks he can outlast you, I reckon.

It'll take him a while to realise you're serious. He's used to having his own way, it sounds like. You've wounded his ego and unsettled his status in the relationship. He won't be happy until he's ground you down suitably.

I recommend no big gestures or attempts at conversation. He'll be feeding off the drama of it, so keep it low key. Be as outwardly calm as you can. You've issued your ultimatum and he hasn't taken it seriously. Now peacefully go ahead with your plans and forget about his permission or approval. His feelings are really not as important as he thinks they are.

I've been there.

Every single one of those worries gets easier with time. Life is a lot calmer and more peaceful now.

You're worth more than this.

You're doing the right thing for your daughter. Silent treatment is a form of coercive control. It is the removal of affection, attention, and communication in order to change your behaviour. Please don't let him do this to your child too.

Speak to womens aid and the police to see if they can advise you on how to make him leave.

Do you have a spare room so you don’t have to sleep in the same bed as him??

I’ve finally left my abusive husband, OP. It’s been so, so hard but staying would’ve been worse. I feel hope for the future now, despite being in a similar boat to you. You can do this x

Very abusive manipulative behaviour

This is not someone you want to spend any more time with

Awful behaviour

I would have said much more than that and I’d have also told him to get out and left him there. Stop grovelling to him and start seeing him for the stupid bastard he is.

Oh bless you OP. He needs to go.
Would your mum consider selling the house, and give you some of the proceeds to help you fund a place for yourself and dc?
Meanwhile you’ve had some great suggestions here, and you shouldn’t put up with this.
I threw out an emotionally abusive husband after twenty years of marriage. Yes I was scared, hard up and felt all the emotions you are feeling now. Best thing I ever did for me and 3 dc.
you are stronger than you think.
I have one regret though: that I didn’t do it earlier. There’s loads of support out there lovely, so grab it.
ultimately, I did it, because the alternative of staying would have been devastating.
It won’t be easy, but I promise it will be better.

You are being emotionally abused by this unpleasant, controlling DP. This will only escalate.
Look up Grey Rock & if they continue to ignore you & from now on use this method to communicate.
In the meantime, plan your escape or contact Woman’s Aid.
You are stronger than you think. Imagine that easy going atmosphere without treading on eggshells.
Good Luck.

Run OP just run

OP you sound very young, be reassured no one thinks harshly of a failed relationship, and if you do get judged by someone then they are not worth knowing. My daughter recently left her partner who was also emotionally abusive, I wish she had just left sooner but she kept trying to make things work,she is 6months along and she sees the damage to her confidence and mental health that he has done. She has a six year old and now they are both so much happier and settled.
Financially on your own you might get help towards council tax(definitely 25%off for being a sole resident) and money towards childcare. Use a benefit calculator like “turn to us” you might be surprised.
If your partner is from another country make sure if you child has a passport that you give it to your mum for safe keeping. Good luck.

This is abusive and the longer it goes on, the more he’ll continue to behave this way every single time you displease him. You’ll end up worried to put a foot wrong and be utterly miserable.

You need to be firmly assertive. Tell him you aren’t prepared to accept this behaviour any more. A man who sulks for the best part of a week isn’t the sort of husband you can tolerate any longer.

Remind him that the house belongs to your family and you are going to start divorce proceedings and therefore he is to leave.

Only you know if you need to give him time to pack and leave by or if you’ll genuinely need to forcibly get him out. It might be that he thinks it’s a hollow threat.

If you are at all afraid, have family members present or contact the police / woman’s aid for advice on how to get him out. Book a locksmith so the locks can be changed.

You have a grown man acting like a child. Perhaps it's the end of your relationship whether you like it or not.

You don’t have a partner or a father for your child; you have an abusive man-baby who will not get better or grow up. Do you have friends/colleagues who could be present while you pack his things and get him out of the house?

I would have responded to his rude comment in the same way and I am a a calm person.
He is being abusive by ignoring you. It's emotionally abusive behaviour. If you google it that is what will come up.
If you can leave him leave him.
If you can't then try and just get on with your daily life and don't pander to him and certainly don't apologise again.
He is vile by ignoring you for 5 days. The first row was 1. His fault and 2. Not a huge big deal but his behaviour now is horrendous.
Hopefully you have someone in real life to support you.

Why did you even apologise? You reacted when he was a total dick. To be honest, he sounds like a fucking joke.

Do you work ? Can you claim UC? You can claim CMS