Silent Treatment

[Kelly1999x]

Hi please only kind messages.
my husband has been ignoring me fully and giving me the silent treatment for 5 days. Totally ignoring me as if I was invisible. 5 days ago we had an argument ive apologised many times. We had to borrow mums car, and it needed petrol so I stopped at the petrol station and asked him to please but petrol in it (i would pay) but he said something like no why should I or something and got angry because I parked af the wrong place so I just drove off without getting petrol and he said “this is a f* joke” so out of reaction I said “your a f** joke” I know I shouldnt have and Its totally out of character for me I just snapped to his comments and un willingness to help. I’ve apologised so many times for my comment and made it clear it was in heat of the moment and that I was totally out of line and horroble. I haveng said anything like that ever before. He still is ignoring me and just says “your a f joke” or “leave me alone” has not said anything else. What should I do? Ive said if he wants to leave he can still doesng reply. Feel so bad I didnt mean what I said! Its been 5 days im going crazy!

Do a calculation on entitled to. Con to see what benefits you would be entitled to and go in the child maintenance calculator to see what he would have to pay you.
I have a female lodger in my spare from from spare room. Com and she pays me £650 a month so if it's in any way possible and you have a spare room see if you could kick him out and get a female lodger in. Good luck.

Call the police and have him removed from the home. Then change the locks.

The minute he next leaves the house, stick keys in the door.
Gather his shit together and leave it outside.
If he gets aggressive call the police.
He has no right to that house and he is abusing you.

You have more power here than he does.
Get your mother on side.

In my abusive relationship I was never allowed to react, ever. He could be as angry as he wanted at me, but if I ever showed any kind of negative emotion I was an awful person and punished for it. And it got to the point where I believe him. I would have apologised and begged for forgiveness in this situation too.

This sort of manipulative, abusive behaviour makes you believe that you're the one at fault. That's why they do it.

Oh that’s so sad.

Sorry, my original q to OP was stupid.

No need to apologise. I think the dynamic is really difficult to understand if you've never been in it.

You’ve got much more power than you think you have. Spell it out to him, does he want to be homeless hardly seeing his kids? Does he want everyone to know he’s a bully?

Cheek of him living in your mums house while he treats you like shit.

He is on very dodgy ground as you are both living in a house you don't own, your trump card is that your mum can kick him out whenever she wants.

I'd sit down and discuss it with your mum, if you want him to leave your mum should send him an email/letter stating the time and date he needs to leave by. If he doesn't she's then well within her rights to ask the police to remove him (which they will do).

I've lived with someone who used the silent treatment. I thought he just needed time, but looking back I realised it was emotional abuse. Do yourself the biggest favour you'll ever do and divorce him.

Update -
still not talking. I went to him crying saying if he doesnt reply I want a divorce I broke down haveng been myself all week at work because of this silent treatment. All he said was “there you govthen its all my fault isnt it, all my fault” “everything is all my fault” had a massive council tax bill back dated so I cant leave because Im already overdrawn. Feel so rubbish

Not sure if it's been suggested already @Kelly1999x but can you contact Women's Aid? They're a great source of support and advice and really helped me get my head together in the early stages of leaving my husband. His silent treatment is going to be messing with your head and making it hard for you to think clearly.

Even if you can't leave right now you can start making a plan. It might help to have someone to chat through your options with.

Also, I'm so sorry he's still doing this to you. I know how soul crushing it is. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

You need some outside help even if its just someone impartial to talk to.

If he works I'd be changing the locks when he leaves the house

Yes, I agree with calling Women's Aid. I believe they have a chat option as well, but it's quite slow.

You must be going through the emotional wringer with all this. We're here for you if you need to talk to someone instead of him.

He sounds horrible, you are worth so much more.

I know how worrying the thought of leaving is and the added stress of not knowing what you can afford... your biggest outgoing by far is nursery. Can you look and see if you would be entitled to help if you were on your own? You can get up to 70% I believe. You may also be entitled to some benefits like council tax reduction or even some universal credits. Have you tried using s benefit calculator?

You can't put a price on happiness and id rather eat bean on toast every night then tip toe round on egg shells in my own home.

You can get through this. One step at a time.

This is all a form of coercive control.
You don’t behave how he wants you to, he punishes you.
You dare to question him or answer back, he punishes you.
You have to ask for money for groceries and he refuses when you do - he is controlling finances.
This is all about him wanting have the power and control.

i really think you need to deeply consider extricating yourself from this most unequal ‘relationship’.

Don’t feel shame or embarrassment, this for him to feel, not you.
Don’t let finances be the cause of making you stay. There is ALWAYS a way to manage.
Tell your family and friends and ask them to support you.
Ask Women’s Aid for advice.

Marriage / partnership isn’t meant to be like this!
Take yourself and your DC to a better, happier, life.