To be a bit scared of DH's hobby?

[TurkeyDinosaurs2]

My DH has a pilot's licence, and he flies around for fun. He did originally want to go commercial but changed his mind. It's expensive but he pays for it out of his own spending money, so fine.

I can't help but worry when he goes though. I'm always hearing about light aircraft accidents in the locality, and the fact that he's thousands of feet up, often on his own, in a 1970s plane. We have a young DS and I'm constantly thinking what if he has an accident? He's got 300+ hours apparently and nothing has ever gone seriously wrong, but still.

I don't really know how to deal with it. Someone suggested I go up with him. No thanks.

Any advice?

@PuppiesProzacProsecco thank you for your post. I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. I'm not surprised you felt that way.
I certainly don't think my anxiety is unjustified. Being honest I'd feel very uncomfortable asking my DH to choose between me and his hobby. Of course he would choose me every time, but I would feel guilty for it as I know how much he loves it, and it's a bit of an escape for him from his stressful job and day to day life.
He told me being up there is actually relaxing! And he enjoys his community of pals, going off different places with them and enjoying different sights.

My husbands cousin has a pilots licence and a plane. He's done so for about 15+ years i think and has been fine

@Malbecfan that's really interesting. I have noticed he has quite a few advanced looking weather apps on his phone. Not the usual BBC weather or whatever.

I had PPL lessons until I found out it voided my life insurance. Struggled to get any affordable insurance with that as a hobby so had to give up 😭
Get him insured to the hilt then forget about it. I would feel exactly the same as you but don’t underestimate how much he loves flying.

Fair enough - I guess my argument is that you're much more vulnerable alone in the air than you are on a road in a car. Even if the weather is great, what happens if the mechanics go wrong? You can't just stop and put your hazards on while you ring AA.

I'm not saying any of this to try and scare OP or anything, just as a response to those people saying you're more at risk in a car - I'm just not sure that's true when it comes to light aircraft.

I don't think it's an unjustified concern, either, and I did a fair amount of training in light helicopters. Safety is about competence and appreciating your limitations. I gave up because I would not have been able to afford to fly often enough to stay safe. How is his attitude in general to risk taking and following regulations? That will tell you a lot about his risk profile in the air.

@Malbecfan sorry to mention you again, but just read your bit about going to a local airfield with kids. That's amazing. Honestly wish I would feel comfortable doing this. My little boy would love that so much. But my fear would probably stop him ever going. It's awful really. I can imagine him telling all his friends at school he's been flying with his dad.

When my son was 16-18 his slightly younger friend received a v old plane for his birthday. They both used to fly it all over Yorkshire - it is stressful, but now at 26 he still flies and intends to get the hours in at some point for his licence.

Oh very good. If he goes flying on a Saturday for example, he's often on his apps planning the flight on Friday night. If it's a longer trip with friends sometimes he goes to a friend's house and they get the charts out etc.

I think his club requires him to read and sign stuff regularly, and one of his good pilot friends is an instructor as well so that helps.

He never goes in bad weather. Apparently he can fly at night too, but never does. I think it's in case he gets caught out by sunset or whatever.

A family friend had this as his hobby for a fair few years and had no problems with it from a safety point of view.

The expense of it did cause issues within the family but this doesn't sound to be the case here.

My dad flew small planes. He absolutely loved it. We would go on a family holiday each year and he would fly us all in a wee plane. I first went up with him at about 7 and we did a loop in the air. Amazing memories. My mother kicked off about the loop though hahaha. It is understandable you are anxious but really it is a wonderful hobby. My dad never had any issues with the little planes. My fella has a motorbike and I'm a bit anxious when he goes out, so I do get it.

@TurkeyDinosaurs2 no problem at all. I was a bit apprehensive the 1st time going up with DH as I don't rate his car driving at all. However, he is really careful in the plane. I last went up with him late last year and it was amazing just the 2 of us. However, the club with the spacious planes folded and the one new club only had other models so the one he flew was very tight for space. He has now changed to flying something else, but I haven't been up recently.

He had an old version of MSFS in the garage which DD2 quite liked to fly too. They deliberately did dodgy manoeuvres on Flight Simulator, which perhaps got it out of their systems.

This all sounds very positive! When you read about air accidents for general aviation (i.e. light aircraft) there is often a trail of poor decision making and over-confidence. I agree - night flying is best left to the professionals!

Let him fly.
As an adult, it's his choice, as long as he's not persuading or forcing you to do what you don't want to do.
Did you know about this hobby before you got married?

We have a local flying club and one of the neighbours has recently had to terminate his membership because of the cost. He was paying something close to £400 a month for club membership, a couple of flights a month and other fees necessary. So the best part of £5k a year.

Anyway, OP, at least he isn't a cyclist. So many cyclists round here, and two or three deaths a years. I'd say it's far more dangerous than flying. But make sure he has life insurance anyway.

She hasn't said anything about stopping him. She just wants to talk about her anxieties around it and get some reassurance.

@MaiAamWaliHun
That's wonderful. I bet you had so much fun 😊. It's probably a really wonderful hobby when the fear can be managed !!

Even better, look at the Aviation Herald.
It lists every little incident around the world, daily.
When you consider the volume of flights, it is a miniscule proportion.

I have heard that safety on Britains railways started to improve when they copied international aviation’s open and transparent reporting of incidents. Not sure if that’s true, but there seem to be far fewer rail incidents than in the 70s/80s.

https://avherald.com

Yes I knew. He's been flying for years.
I didn't worry about it so much back then. To be honest I barely thought about it. I don't really know why I think about it so much now. I think it's since having our son.

I used to be so much more chilled about everything before having children...

@IMustConfess that's crazy. I don't think he pays that. Something like £300 a year maybe less.

Yes I'm also glad he's not a cyclist.

My DH has had his license for over 20 years. I used to worry about it especially when DD was young, I would ask him how we would cope if he was injured or worse. It turned out I was the one who was badly injured doing my hobby and spent several weeks in hospital. Point I’m trying to make is we can’t tell what’s ahead and worrying about it really does not help. Make sure you are well insured that’s all you can do.

Make sure he has life insurance that specifically covers flying, so at least you will be financially secure if the worst happens.

Maybe worth checking if money is a concern. The guy I know paid a quarterly membership that was something like £100 a month, then it was something like £90 for every flight (to hire the plane and pay for the fuel) and then there were a couple of other fees which I can't remember, but something to do with the hangar and maintenance and also his liability insurance. Plus the costs of assessment and the occasional lesson if he wanted to fly another plane, which people have mentioned here. If your DH is taking two flights a month his fuel costs alone will come of more than £300 a year. I suggest you ask a few more questions.

The man I know led his wife to believe that it was just a couple of grand a year and that his membership fee was all that it cost, but when she found out that there were other costs on top of that and she added them up they clearly had a row discussion about it and he was forced to gave it up.

Private pilot licences come in (at least) two types.

VFR and IFR.

VFR stands for visual flight rules. This is the most basic type of pilot's licence. It means you are only allowed to fly in what is basically good weather.

You have to sit I think five theory exams for the VFR PPL (visual flight rules private pilot's license). One of which is weather and how to predict it and where to get information about it.

IFR stands for instrument flight rules. This does NOT mean you can fly in any weather (some weather is just flat out dangerous to fly in) but it means that you can fly in cloud cover etc. in order to get an IFR PPL you need to learn how to fly on instruments alone. So usually the instructor will make you wear what are called "foggles" which are goggles that let you see the instruments but obscure the sky.

When you are going to fly, you should plan your flight first. This means checking the weather properly (ie not the bbc). There are sites you can subscribe to which will give you a detailed weather prediction for all airports in the U.K. hour by hour.

If you are flying under VFR it is your responsibility to check that visual flight conditions obtain for the whole flight and the club you are renting the plane from will expect this to be included on your (paper) flight plan which you need to file with them before you take off. They usually have someone there who checks it before you go well - I've been up with ExH when they've warned about rain showers coming in etc.

Everyone should file a flight plan under all circumstances. Even if you own your own plane it's standard to file one with the departing and arriving airport.

Your plane if you are renting from a club will have a transponder which squawks a number. In most areas of the UK (because it is very populated) air traffic is watched by radar of some kind or other.

So for example say I was going from Cambridge to Norwich. I'd be in contact by radio with radar/air traffic almost continuously.

Before I left I'd have to ring Norwich to check they are ok with me coming. (Most airports in the U.K. are prior permission required ie ring us and we'll tell you if we are open/you can have a slot). I can only go if they are ok with me coming.

So. Air traffic at Cambridge give me instructions to depart. I take off and stay I touch by radio. I can hear other planes on the radio and what air traffic tells them gives me pretty good clues about where they are.

Then I switch to Cambridge approach (different radio channel). I request radar service and tell them I'mgoing to Norwich. They tell me to sqwak 3345.

This means that on their radar screen they see me as the number 3345. I've requested radar so they'll tell me if any other aircraft is anywhere near me.

From Cambridge Approach I switch to Lakenheath (American military but still provide radar service for small planes) and so on until I get up to Norwich.

At pretty much all points I'm on someone's radar screen and they're keeping a general eye out.

Obviously I am looking out as well😀

@IMustConfess we have separate spending accounts and a shared bills account. We both split our wages fairly and we're both happy with it. I don't pay for any of his flying. He does tell me how much it costs though. If he goes flying for an hour it costs him about £230 something like that. It's very rarely only an hour though. He can easily spend £1000 a month if he does trips but any longer trips he splits with another pilot. He's very open about it, and I don't mind, because he's not asking me for anything.
We're lucky we can afford it, in that sense, and it doesn't take any money from bills, mortgage or stuff for our son.