To be a bit scared of DH's hobby?

[TurkeyDinosaurs2]

My DH has a pilot's licence, and he flies around for fun. He did originally want to go commercial but changed his mind. It's expensive but he pays for it out of his own spending money, so fine.

I can't help but worry when he goes though. I'm always hearing about light aircraft accidents in the locality, and the fact that he's thousands of feet up, often on his own, in a 1970s plane. We have a young DS and I'm constantly thinking what if he has an accident? He's got 300+ hours apparently and nothing has ever gone seriously wrong, but still.

I don't really know how to deal with it. Someone suggested I go up with him. No thanks.

Any advice?

Thanks. Puts things into perspective

When you seek life insurance for him, be sure to declare the private flying on the proposal. The increased premium will tell you what professional risk assessors think about the matter...

I am connected to a small airport. There are frequent minor crashes with very minor injuries or no injuries. There are rules about how high they have to fly above a populated area and these aircraft don't go massively high and can glide down with no engines and only fly in good weather. The only bad accident was an unusual attempt at crossing the sea in a one-persom tiny aircraft. I would want to know his flying club take safety as seriously as any aviation organisation should: i.e. putting safety above everything and having a good culture where people can freely raise concerns without fear.

Life insurance. Make sure it will cover any assistance you will need with the kids if he is not there. That’s how we did both of ours. Added up the cost of nanny when young, nanny when school age times by the years we’d need that for, indexed and added it to other things like paying house off etc. Then at least you know this aspect will be covered.

This is a good example of poor risk assessment. Twice a year skiing isn't comparable to riding a motorbike daily.

But agree so much with what @HoppingPavlova has written. Whilst looking at his check yours as well .

The issue isn’t the university, it’s your son. The uni shouldn’t tell you anything, but if you are financially supporting him then he should. You need to have that conversation with him. I do feel your pain.

I agree with others about life assurance. Does he already have it op? Because if he isn’t responsible enough to make provision for his family, I would find it hard to trust his ability to assess risk. It should be factored in to the cost of the hobby.

But if he doesn’t have it, or won’t pay for it, get it for your own peace of mind.

Must less likely for someone to crash into you in a plane though

Regarding life insurance, @AllHisCaterpillarFriends @HoppingPavlova @CranfordScones he took it out before we met, however he did say he had to shop around loads as so many providers wouldn't touch him. We do pay quite alot for life insurance I think but he has sorted it all out for both of us, so i don't know how much his is. I'll ask!

But planes are much more likely to be affected by poor visibility and bad weather.

That's true. I asked him about this recently actually. He said he rarely sees other traffic, only close to the airfield and even then everybody communicates where they are so he can look out.
He said out in the open he contacts ATC units which look after him apparently. But yea, in a 3D world, it's unlikely he'll crash into anyone. Bit different to the M6 ...

I presume they don't fly in bad weather though? He never goes up if it's raining for example.

I'd be more worried if he were a motorcyclist or played rugby.

Flying is fun. Are you involved in the club at all? It sounds like you are worrying from an outsiders perspective, does the club not do family days? Quiz nights etc that you can go along to and get some more perspective.

I flew as a teen, Tutors with an RAF pilot, gliders with the senior cadets that had passed their licence so 18 year olds, friends light aircraft Cessna - admittedly does feel like being in an old Mini, even managed to wrangle a flight with a foreign aerobatic display team.

But once you're in the air, you can't do anything if a storm comes in or the wind picks up - it's not like a car when you can pull over it starts to snow, you have to keep going in a plane.

Oh god, yes 😭 that's true

Yes but most Cessna type aircraft aren't doing long distance flying, they often do loops of the local area you check the weather beforehand. Often you can get up above the clouds and the rubbish weather is below.

My DH gave up flying when we had our DD, I didn’t ask him to, he just felt it was prudent,
Took up golf instead.. swi gs and roundabouts!

@Singleandproud yes the club does the odd event. We went to their bonfire event last year, but I often just end up following DS around while he chats planes with his mates.
I quite like taking DS to watch the planes in the summer and the cafe is half decent. He did introduce me to a couple of other pilot 'wags' and they seemed pretty chilled out about it all. One of them regularly goes off flying with her husband, sometimes over to France! I almost felt a bit jealous!

I just couldn't accept this OP. The risk is too high. My DH had a high risk hobby when we met and it was a deal breaker for me, especially as it would have been something our future DC would probably have wanted to do as well, had they grown up around it.

He chose me over the hobby when I expressed the depth of my anxiety. I know Mumsnet won't agree with my approach here but I'd already spent 2 weeks watching a loved one die in intensive care following a stupidly preventable accident and wasn't prepared to do it again. I know life happens and we can't protect our loved ones from everything but for me, high risk thrill seeking is an avoidable risk.

DH flies with a club. They insist on him flying every 35 days, otherwise he has to have a check-ride with an instructor. He has to have a medical every 2 years and clock up at least (I think) 12 hours' pilot in command per year to keep his licence. Yet he could drive a car or motorbike having not driven/ridden for years as long as he held that type of licence.

I do love planes so it doesn't bother me unduly. DH is really careful and even though he doesn't have a lot of spare time, if he is in any doubt, he won't go.

When our DDs were young, we used to take a 4 seater to a local grass strip airfield, around 22 minutes from our local airport, which is a commercial one. The 4 seater was pretty much the biggest thing that landed at the grass strip - they had a cafe which did lovely cakes. The DDs loved going there for lemonade and cake - they sat in the back of the plane with their headsets on looking out of the window. I vividly remember DD2 at the age of 5 asking "can I have another Pringle please, over?". DH always did his checks from the printed checklists out loud. The kids misheard "Peter heater" for the pitot heater which was quite funny. I took them to Spain to see my sister not long after and as we walked up the steps of the E195, DD2 asked loudly "Mummy, which of those tubes is the pitot one?". I told her to ask the crew, who didn't know. When we landed, the Captain came out of the flight deck to ask why a small child was asking about pitot tubes. He was most impressed when we explained.

As others have said, make sure he is insured. These small aircraft do glide a long way, so if there is a problem, there is normally time to look for a suitable site to land. Remember Captain Sully glided the A320 into the Hudson with well over 100 people on board from only 3000 feet.

I can't really ask that of him. That said when our DS was born he didn't fly anywhere near as much. He doesn't really see it like I do though. His argument is that he's probably more likely to die on the motorway on the way to the airfield than on his flight.

I wasn't saying to scare you or anything - just to say that light aircraft are more vulnerable to the weather than cars in that respect.

I grew up in light aviation, 3 pilots I personally knew are dead and 1 has life altering injuries from a crash. But I know many more who have never had a crash.

True.

I guess my point is that in a car, you can always pull over if you feel it's unsafe and wait it out, as it were. In a plane, you have to keep going until there's somewhere safe and suitable for you to land.

@coffeesaveslives in the UK, bad weather rarely comes in "from nowhere". Small planes have limits on how many degrees of crosswind they can handle. Before you take off, you have to prepare for possible diversions. 2 weeks ago when it was really foggy, DH couldn't fly even when it cleared here because the closest divert was still in fog. On flight days, he checks the METARS from first thing so knows what is forecast in terms of cloud and wind.