Exciting idea or madness.

[Rainydaysbeforesun]

I'm looking for thoughts on a potential life changing idea before I discuss with OH. At the moment we, early sixties, live in the rural SE. Rented property, big house, big garden. For the last two years OH has struggled to find work and is working v short term contracts. No security. He is very resilient but every month rent day comes round and it's tense. Our bills are big. We have always split finances fifty fifty and his share is the rent. I pay all bills. Realistically I can't pay both, it would wipe out my entire salary every month. I have come up with what may seem a radical solution which is to move to Manchester. City centre flat right (rented) in the middle of everything that is going on, on site pool and gym, concierge, bills included, cleaning service, would be half of our current total expenditure. Obviously smaller than current house but all I can think of is less cleaning, less rackety maintenance, less gardening which is a huge chore, no need for a car, pool and gym which we can't afford now and just the buzz of a city. It's very attractive to me for many reasons, it would be less household work, which all falls to me at the moment, I would be nearer to my adult DC who lives in Manchester and my elderly parents, and crucially, I'm from Manchester. I think we would have more disposable income to do things rather than stay home all the time. On the other hand it's a huge lifestyle change. From rural to city.OH loves rural living and would probably say oh everything will work out. But our current lifestyle, which I think is dull and boring will be financially impossible soon. I feel like I need a plan rather than relying on things working out. And it feels like an exciting idea. Am I being unreasonable to pursue this idea because OH loves the country or am I totally reasonable to go for a lifestyle change?

Go without him.

Well it does sound like a nice idea. But I’m also concerned here that you and OH just aren’t compatible. If he loves the country and you think it’s dull and boring, it’s always going to be not great for one of you.

Why does the housework fall to you if you’re the only one working?

So yeah was going to say, do what the other pp says and go without him

Not unreasonable at all to want to move back to your home city and have the lifestyle that you want. Whether your OH will want that as well is another matter.

It's a good idea!
I think you just need to consider the differences between your current lifestyle and your proposed one. More noise of people being around. Never being completely alone like you are now. No garden. That sort of thing.
What will you do with all your stuff? Can you let go of a lot of it? Will that feel good or worrying?
Will your DC welcome you being closer for support/meet ups? Do you generally have a great relationship?
From what you've written it sounds like a great idea to me but definitely work out all the fine details.

Is there a middle ground. An apartment in one of the areas surrounding Manchester. Big leap from rural life to middle of city

It's a good idea. For now. What is going to happen when you retire? Are you going to be able to comfortably meet your rent on your pension?

Sounds sensible for a number of reasons but just be mindful that although you may be keen to see more of adult dc (and maybe them of you) you shouldn't rely on them to be your entertainment or care option for when you're older. Move, make new friends there, keep busy and see them because you both want to rather than them feeling obliged to because you've made the big move to be nearer.

Do you think your partner is likely to go along with it and what would you do if he doesn't? Would you go alone?
I can see the attraction for moving closer to your family but does he have any connections in or near Manchester too?
Financially it sounds as if it makes sense but life isn't always as straightforward as that!

I'm 69 and DH 77 and we've just moved from rural to city OP, move driven by me but DH totally on board. Not for the same reasons, and we're not renting, but OMG I am SOOOOOO happy to be back in a city and he's loving it too!
Nothing wrong with suggesting it.
Lots of excellent but more boring reasons to move urban in later years - proximity to drs, dentists and hospitals etc without having to drive. It's a good move all round and especially to do it while you can still get masses of enjoyment out of it, culturally and socially etc.

Honestly I can't think of anything worse than moving back to that level of constant noise but some people absolutely thrive in it. Suggest it and see where the negotiation takes you both. What compromises can you both make. Financially and time wise it makes a lot of sense!

Can you not downsize where you are to a smaller more energy efficient house with a small garden?

What is going to happen when you retire re rent?

Could you compromise in some way. Rather than bang in the centre of Manchester, where rents will anyway be quite high, move to somewhere on the edge? You could look for somewhere on a good tram or bus route, say 10/15 minutes into the city for you and then 10/15 minutes to the countryside for your partner. The joy of Manchester is that this should be achievable.

Somewhere like Marple would be a compromise. 20mins on train to city centre alongside regular bus services. It’s on the edge of the Peak District with loads of rural and canal side walks. I’ve lived here for 22 years and love the place

Sounds good for you but maybe not OH. Are you prepared to compromise?

We're semi rural and I love it. A city centre apartment would be my idea of hell.

I would look into the option of downsizing in your current area. If you don't need a big house and big garden just move to somewhere much smaller.

the apartment you're describing with gym and swimming pool sounds like a serviced facility, which you'll be paying over the odds for, when there are probably public or private gyms locally if that's important to you at a fraction of the cost.

if you're really set on moving to Manchester, and your OH isn't because you want urban living and he wants rural, then it does bear thinking about whether you're still compatible. Living accommodation and being happy and settled in an area you can both live with is a really important aspect of the relationship

Buxton is nice...

Wow that is a huge leap.

couldn’t you compromise?

Thank you so much for all your comments. I know that what I'm suggesting is quite radical. And certainly the idea of compromise is very valid. I have looked at other properties near us that are smaller and less costly but so far OH is not keen. He wants a rural lifestyle in a bigger house, detached with a garden, exactly what we have now but reality is that we can't afford it. When he was working regularly we had lots of money and we don't any more. Neither do I want, anymore to be in the grind of the domesticity of a house this size. Given that I do it all I want to free up my time by having less of it to do. Obviously he should do his fair share but he doesn't. He's lazy but also have a long term health condition that means that a lot of the time he's not fit for much. There has been a noticeable decline in his health and his energy levels. I do know though that part of the motivation for even considering this is because I am a city girl at heart and would enjoy it tremendously. But there isn't just my feelings to consider.

He doesn't have any connections anywhere really. This is a second marriage for both of us and he had a tiny family which has got smaller with the death of his DM.

You are quite right. I think it's being nearer that would be nice but I don't want to live in their pockets.

It would be a big task to move, which is one of OH objections to any sort of move to anywhere. The effort involved. But to be honest we have loads of stuff that I wouldn't be sad to see go. Most of our furniture wasn't new to us and so it could go back too charity shops, we have sentimental things that we would take. I would miss the garden but given the time and effort it takes I may not. Some of the flats I have looked at have wrap around balconies so I could give container growing a go.

There are a few advantages to renting over home ownership, and this is the big one…try it! If it doesn’t work, try something else. Do a 6 month rental, or a longer term Airbnb. Never mind Manchester, what about Paris? (if wfh is an option.)

Apart from anything else it’ll make you realise that barely any of the clutter we surround ourselves with is at all necessary …(speaking from experience 🤣)

You are not unreasonable to raise it but if he doesn't even want to downsize where you are he's unlikely to jump at the idea.

But where you are isn't sustainable for you some some kind of change needs to be made. Can't hurt to suggest it as a starting point for negotiations! But you will have to be firm that is will be some kind of change, the status quo isn't an option.

You are right. I suppose I want something "sorted out" partly because the constant uncertainty is driving me mad. I like a plan. He seems to prefer muddling through with a vague idea that everything will work out. But I find that raises my level of anxiety.