Exciting idea or madness.

[Rainydaysbeforesun]

I'm looking for thoughts on a potential life changing idea before I discuss with OH. At the moment we, early sixties, live in the rural SE. Rented property, big house, big garden. For the last two years OH has struggled to find work and is working v short term contracts. No security. He is very resilient but every month rent day comes round and it's tense. Our bills are big. We have always split finances fifty fifty and his share is the rent. I pay all bills. Realistically I can't pay both, it would wipe out my entire salary every month. I have come up with what may seem a radical solution which is to move to Manchester. City centre flat right (rented) in the middle of everything that is going on, on site pool and gym, concierge, bills included, cleaning service, would be half of our current total expenditure. Obviously smaller than current house but all I can think of is less cleaning, less rackety maintenance, less gardening which is a huge chore, no need for a car, pool and gym which we can't afford now and just the buzz of a city. It's very attractive to me for many reasons, it would be less household work, which all falls to me at the moment, I would be nearer to my adult DC who lives in Manchester and my elderly parents, and crucially, I'm from Manchester. I think we would have more disposable income to do things rather than stay home all the time. On the other hand it's a huge lifestyle change. From rural to city.OH loves rural living and would probably say oh everything will work out. But our current lifestyle, which I think is dull and boring will be financially impossible soon. I feel like I need a plan rather than relying on things working out. And it feels like an exciting idea. Am I being unreasonable to pursue this idea because OH loves the country or am I totally reasonable to go for a lifestyle change?

Maybe instead of springing your idea on him full stop without any prep you have a conversation about options? Bearing in mind status quo isn't one of them.

Have you looked in detail at the costs? I'm really surprised a fully serviced apartment (which I'm assuming it would be to have gym/pool/concierge stuff) in central Manchester would be cheaper than renting rurally, I imagine it would be extortionately expensive!

I think the biggest issue isn't where you live, it's that he is lazy so you carry the household burden and doesn't have a meaningful plan to resolve your financial constraints his lack of work has caused.

When you say that you don't think this is going to work itself out, so what is his actual proper plan, what does he say? You're not a million years off retirement age, how does that factor in the plans to stay in this big rented country house?

He wants a rural lifestyle in a bigger house, detached with a garden, exactly what we have now but reality is that we can't afford it. When he was working regularly we had lots of money and we don't any more. Neither do I want, anymore to be in the grind of the domesticity of a house this size. Given that I do it all I want to free up my time by having less of it to do. Obviously he should do his fair share but he doesn't. He's lazy but also have a long term health condition that means that a lot of the time he's not fit for much

sorry to sound harsh @Rainydaysbeforesun but your OH isn't coming out of this well. He's actually being really unfair and selfish, giving you the burden of worry re affordability, making you do all the running about, maintenance and life admin. All of that falls on you while he just sits there with arms folded and "no, what is the question" attitude.

you could be spending the best years of your own life, shackled to a rented property that's clearly far too big and expensive, getting increasingly frustrated thinking about lovely enjoyable things you could be doing instead, rather than the drudgery, and getting more resentful of his inflexible attitude.

he needs a reality check "how many beans make five" conversation very soon!

I think you have come up with a good idea but I would be worried that because you are renting that the rent will steadily increase as you’re getting older and you’re ability to earn is reducing and for the same reasons if they suddenly tell you that they are selling up you may find yourself in the position of having to find another property without the ability to earn the money needed to cover private rental prices and deposit or the circumstances to manage a move again.

you are early sixties which is young but in a decade or more things could look very different.

with all that being said though I think you absolutely should move. Make your life easier now. You deserve to go into retirement (I know you’re a it off that yet!) with an easy lifestyle and money in your pocket so you can actually enjoy it!

bugger being going on 70 stuck in the middle of nowhere trying to clean a house and maintain a garden ALONE while caring for a husband who’s health is deteriorating and can’t or won’t be able to help. Even getting a pint of milk will be hard.

my family member (bought rather than rent) sold a bigger house in the countryside like you described and moved to a village near to two bigger towns and a city and said it’s the best thing she ever did! She’s close to shops now in a house that’s easier to clean cheaper to heat closer to family and community. She’s never been happier.
the money from the sale also gave a cushion so she felt safer while establishing her new life.
She loved her old home but wouldn’t ever want that again now she is getting on a bit!

In relation to our current expenditure it's about £3800 including absolutely everything. It's huge. I have cut down our food bill massively, batch cook, cut down all TV subscriptions, changed providers, all those things that are recommended. I have savings and I could use those to supplement our income on the chance OH gets some more permanent work but I don't want to. I worked hard for my savings and I'm worried that eventually I will have nothing. . I could take on more work but again I don't want to. I'm exhausted already. The truth is we used to easily find our life and now we can't. OH doesn't want to talk about money, we have separate accounts and shuts down those discussions. I don't think he's a bad man, he's a bloke who often isn't on top form and I think is probably frightened about the future and depressed about his lack of work. Depression can result in inaction I know. I want to do the almost impossible which is to realistically improve our situation and make it look like a big adventure full of possibility rather than about his current situation.

Not unreasonable, but apartments in the city centre are very expensive compared to houses a little out of the centre. Manchester has great transport links, you could easily get a house with a garden on the metrolink line or a short train away from the centre, where life might be a bit more peaceful. Also, having friends living in city centre flats in Manchester, you need to be very careful about your choice. Not all have been built very well and have issues with damp, soundproofing etc. My brother worked on a development where the walls between flats were paper thin. You'd get more value for money and less stress of the hustle and bustle if you chose a neighbouring suburb - likely less of a drastic change from the countryside.

Surely there's outskirts of Manchester that's countryish and compromise on a small detached cottage or bungalow

If your DH wants a garden and you don’t, could you move to a city but have access to an allotment?

Each to their own, but I've always thought 'reverse retirement' from a rural idyll to a city with easy transport, medical services, entertainment, shops etc all within walking distance makes perfect sense.

That's my thinking too. Whilst where we live is beautiful it's not a place that's convenient if you are old. We aren't at that stage quite yet but to be old here must be tricky and you absolutely have to drive. Only two buses a day from the village. Nearest big supermarket is 25 minutes away by car. I think part of my reason for wanting city life is because I genuinely love cities but also convenience. And somewhere modern, although I take on board the comments about quality of flats, maybe cosier and left expensive to heat.

I would love that but Oh doesn't want to tend a garden. He doesn't do much in our garden although he will mow the lawn. He just likes the idea of the house surrounded by a garden. He's hopeless practically. It's me pruning shrubs, clearing the gutters, doing the weeding. I don't mind, I like being outside but this garden is too big for one person.

I would definitely go for it. I personally love Manchester city and would love your plan myself.
There is countryside in all directions for day trips and weekends away.

I think you have a husband problem here OP.
The more you post about him, the more entitled he sounds.
So he wants to be surrounded by a lovely garden, but won’t do more than mow the lawn?
It’s great that you are thinking ahead, but consider all your options before committing to anything further. Too much responsibility on your shoulders OP, he needs to be realistic and pull his weight.
You sound lovely, hope it works out for you whatever you decide.

I think you should look at other options as well as a city centre apartment. There are some beautiful areas surrounding Manchester, where renting an apartment wouldn't be as extortionate as in the city. Some of the old mill conversions in the High Peak are fabulous, with rural views but easy access to Manchester by train and bus. It doesn't sound as if your current lifestyle is sustainable in the longterm.

What exactly does he do? 🤔

Doesn't clean, doesn't garden, doesn't earn much. Makes lots of demands of what he wants.

I'd be hugely resentful if I were you.

How about somewhere like Ramsbottom? The vast beauty of the moors is nearby, property is generally very nice imo with lots of 2/3 beds so more manageable to maintain, and you can get to Manchester very easily still. Or Todmorden, Hebden Bridge...

I think it sounds like a great idea, but fear that your sticking point will be your DH. You really don't sound that compatible if he wants a big place in the country and you would much prefer a small place in the city. Those kind of things are important in life. You need to want the same or at least be happy to find a compromise.

@Rainydaysbeforesun can you not have a conversation about the garden and all the work falling to you being too much, that you won’t be able to fund this when his work dries up completely and how does he see things working? Don’t mention the move yet but all the things you said - cover the ‘what if you or he can’t work, can’t drive’ and so on … you want to have a plan that sets up your future in your terms … not have decisions made for you because you didn’t prepare?

City flat with an allotment near by? Maybe one where you can have a shed, or summer house with a gas ring so you can heat water for drinks or cook a simple meal?

then think about days out, where you can go out of the city, parks, historic houses to get to that open rural feeling that he likes. If the money is more manageable suggest you can then have country holidays etc.

failing that then ducks in a row unfortunately. 💐

It sounds awful I know. It is pretty awful if I stop and think about it. He will put the washing in, put it in the dryer, fold it up, he sometimes washes up. He will put shopping away. Puts recycling in the bin. That's it really. If I ask him he will put the bin out. I do feel resentful and I'm not sure how much is due to being idle and how much is because he isn't well. I have tried to discuss this with little success I have to say.

Please stop and think about it, OP, said with kindness.

Will you ever be able to retire? Are your savings sufficient to buy a property, even a small one bedroom flat?

Entitled is the right word. He's previously worked hard and earned a lot of money and never had to worry particularly about mundane things. He would contract out lots of life stuff, cleaners, gardeners ( all before he met me), drivers even. He doesn't spend any money now, cos he hasn't got any spare really, but now I feel we have to look ahead. If he got lots of work, marvelous but we have to deal with the now.

Hasn’t he got any savings from when he was working and earning well?
The house clearly isn’t going to be sustainable much longer, or it’s location come to that. Ask him see what he says.

I think its an eminently sensible idea. Many people move from rural to urban areas as they age and their needs, wants and abilities change. Doing all the maintenance on a house and garden is time consuming and physically demanding. Plus there are more options for activities, many cheap or even free, in towns and cities.
OH needs to be realistic and think about your future life in the country.
One thing though, I would caution you to read the small print of the lease agreement regarding service charges as it sounds expensive ..