Occupational flirting

[CuriousJane]

Lighthearted thread!

was just chatting to DH about this. I’m in an industry with lots of very powerful successful middle age men (50s/ 60s). I’m mid 30s, reasonably attractive, successful but not in the same role as these men. I was chatting to DH about how I definitely gently flirt wish these men in work for professional gain. Not overt, or sexual flirting but more banter, putting them down, they seem to love it. I think very successful men really enjoy being sort of put down in a flirty way by younger females.

DH finds it quite humorous and said he can definitely see me doing this and that he can see when I’m doing this with his dad (my fil) which I definitely do. He’s definitely not jealous and if anything finds it quite sexy that I can “manipulate” men like this.

do other women use their sexuality in the workplace? Or am i some kind of succubus.

You are a HR disaster waiting to happen.

No, I've worked hard to climb the ladder based on my skills. Not how well I can flirt with some office perv. I also care about other women and what kind of message this behaviour sends out in the workplace.

As for flirting with your FiL. Ew. That's just weird and a bit disgusting tbh.

But you do you. The 1950s are that way. ⬅️ Maybe watching one too many episodes of Mad Men with a Saturday night wine, OP?

No, this isn’t Mad Men. Surely you have many more skills to offer in the workplace. I’m not sure why you think flirting is your only asset. As for flirting with your father-in-law, it’s not right at all. You are coming across as having low self-esteem with a husband who doesn’t value your full worth outside of your sexuality.

There are no occupations where this is acceptable in 2024. You’ll have male and female colleagues looking on, losing respect for the ones of you carrying on the way you are.

Most of us will use whatever 'skill' we have to our advantage. Most guys realise what is happening but still are flattered. Crack on OP.

How many of those being crytical are the same ones who will talk behind your back and slag you off to get ahead. Know which one I prefer.

you think flirty banter with FIL is fine?

I'm sure your MIL and the wives of these men think you're an utter delight. Reign it in Madame de pompadour

Yuck. This is what other women look at and start wondering if you slept your way to the top; a very 80s way to behave in the workplace.

You do you but manipulation is not for me. I don't get any joy from winning with my tits over my wits at work.

It depends entirely on the relationship between all parties. Consider the lame old line of a guy with his girlfriend meeting her mother....'is this your sister' he asks. It's just jokey words.

Oh dear... no OP this is not good. I've worked with women who behave like you and everyone is just laughing at them behind their back. Please don't belittle yourself in this way. It makes you look as thick as mince.

You really flirt with your FIL and DH doesn't mind? Too grim for words.

Nah, I know exactly what you mean, OP. It's not gross because it's not sexual, really. It just kinda flatters them, meets them where they're at.

I find myself doing it almost automatically with a certain type of older man, sometimes at work but not always a colleague. Sometimes socially. In my case its less of the putting them down bantz and more of the 'I'm soooo grateful for your help, gosh isn't it HARD this process' or whatever. I exaggerate slightly but its an almost subconscious little-girl-lost thing that I adopt which helps to sort of smooth down their prickles and get them to show me stuff/give me info I need with the minimum of fuss.

It feels more like armour than weaponry to me and I don't feel bad. Their fault for needing it.

And yes, on occasion with my FIL too.

This is even more nauseating than the OP!

The problem with this approach is youth is finite and you are getting very close to the age where it will stop working. Then what will you do?

You don't gain respect by pandering to male ego, you gain it by being three times as good at your job than they are.

Now you could be the very best there is at your job but that won't matter because you've been using your youth and sex instead, they will never ever see how good you are, they will only be thinking of your tits, legs and arse and you are more than that, way more.

I worked with consultants in ag and fish and by and large they started off trying the oh it's a bit of crumpet, chatty banter. But I very quickly turned all that on it's head by remaining professional, talking on their level, and getting the job done quickly and accurately. When review times came along I had the best relationship scores with the consultants because they respected my approach.

That will last right up to your retirement in a way flirting won't.

I sort of know what you mean OP. I have to turn on the charm x1000 when talking to potential funders who are mostly middle aged men. I give more consideration to what I wear when meeting them and I'm definitely less authentic than when I'm meeting with women.

I’m in my 50s and have a similar relationship with my male coworkers. It’s just banter

TotHappy · Today 00:15

And yes, on occasion with my FIL too

🤮

Why not just do your job, OP?

🤢 flirting with your FIL eughhh

You don't seem to know the difference between banter and flirting, which is concerning.

I feel like I've time travelled. You don't have to get all flirty and silly to get what you want. If you do, you have a problem.

I'm embarrassed for you.

succubus, do you mean succaboss?

I work in a mostly male industry. All I say is don't shit where you eat. I've seen women doing this and I've heard men whole appearing to enjoy it the slag the woman off behind their back to the whole male group. You don't want to be that woman, trust me.