To have been depressed after my wedding?!

[FluentDog]

So today is our 3 year anniversary. Very happily married and we now have a baby. But I can’t help and think back to our wedding day and how much of a let down it was. I feel like growing up girls are given this idea that their wedding day will be the best day of their lives but honestly I couldn’t wait for the day to be over! I felt really on edge like all these people were here for us I felt the need to entertain them make sure they had drinks and I was constantly worried people were bored. I remember sitting at the top table after finishing our food thinking right do we need to go and make our way through the tables now and speak to everyone or do we stay here and they come to us? This was my mind the whole day just questioning what I should be doing, I don’t think I was relaxed at any point during the whole thing. A few guests left around 8pm which in my mind meant that yes everyone is definitely bored and wants to go home! After the wedding finished I was really quite depressed for a few days because I felt like something was wrong with me, everyone else loves their wedding day but why didn’t I?! Even now I still can’t watch our wedding video.. despite the day not being what I thought it would be we are happily married and all is well but I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same on their day or is it just me?

Kindly, I think you need to stop dwelling on it and focus on the positives. It was three years ago and is only one day - you’ve had many, many more days since then! You say you are very happily married so why is this one day still playing on your mind so much?

(I am not married, I have never been married.)

I don't think everybody loves their wedding day!

I think it's normal to have big expectations and dreams of the wedding day, and it might be difficult to live up to them?

You got to marry the love of your life, and three years later you are happily married. That is what's important!
Happy anniversary!

I had quite a few things upset me on my wedding day so I can't look at the memories either.

Everyone else does not enjoy their wedding day. Lots of people are stressed, over-tired, have to deal with warring families and are just thoroughly glad when it's over. Wedding videos are there to convince others everyone had a lovely time.

I think you did rather well.

My sisters have variously eloped, had 4 person registry office weddings or just not got married at all. The thought of trying to get our entire family to agree and enjoy each others' company for a day is horrific.

Is it possible to get married by post yet, or on-line? That sounds much less hassle to me.

We had our wedding spread over three days. I found it worked.

One day to welcome guests and chill with people who had travelled far. Everyone helped decorate the house.

Next day was the ceremony and buffet.

Last day was a garden party with live music and a food van.

It turned into very relaxed days.

It's hard to fit in everything in what often boils down to 6-8 hours.

It doesn’t it’s just because today is our anniversary so obviously you think about your wedding and I just wanted to know if anyone else’s wedding hadn't been what they’d thought. I’m awake with a poorly baby and just wanted some late night discussion it’s not that deep really just interested to hear about other experiences

I hear you OP. I never wanted a big church wedding, did it to keep the peace with my mother in law. I wouldn't say I enjoyed the day either, like you I was was anxious and overthinking. I'm completely at peace with that now. I'm an introvert and I don't enjoy being centre stage. That's ok.

I enjoyed mine but only because we stood our ground and did exactly what we wanted despite upset parents (no church, keeping it small, mostly just a big party with really good music and we didn’t invite all our cousins who we aren’t close with which caused outrage with husbands mum) not very traditional etc..

so the lead up was very stressful and we nearly caved a few times so yes was a relief all that was finished with when it was over

but it did mean we had what we wanted for the day and it was enjoyable

did you do what you wanted or was it more done how your parents wanted it?

I will say though I’ve had amazing nights out and been to cool stuff since my wedding which were just as good if not better - deffo don’t think your wedding is best day ever

Would be far worse to have had a brilliant wedding/best day of your life type thing and a rubbish marriage following. I think you've got it the right way around.

Also, I think a lot of people aren't honest about how much they've enjoyed their wedding day- think it's drilled into everyone that it's got to be this amazing magical day and when it's not it's a let down and no one wants to admit it.
Also, I was never one of those who dreamed of a fairytale wedding and dreamt it would be the best thing ever and my wedding day was fun; largely because I was super chilled and family sorted most things; but no where close to the best day of my life.

Once my husband to be turned up I was happy ! We decided to have a small wedding at home with just my parents my brothersfew friends and my biil and sil! So tiny it was lovely no stress and that why we decided to do it that way . A big wedding would mentally have been too much for me . Put it behind you now and focus on your lovely life

A lot of people just want to get their wedding over. It's seems like a lot of stress.

that’s good you stood your ground and I’m glad you enjoyed your day! Honestly our wedding was completely planned by us and it was everything I thought I would have wanted but on the day it just wasn’t at all! If I could go back now and we were to get married again I would do something much much smaller. I’d probably do a summer wedding at a registry office and then back to ours for a bbq or something and only close friends and family rather than every Tom dick and harry haha

Oh I disagree. Virtually everyone loves their second wedding. Having got all the bullshit out of their system the first time around, they arrange their second wedding exactly how they want it. Usually smaller, cheaper, more relaxed and without a meringue dress and invitations to fifth cousin twice removed on request (demand!) of the bride's mother.

Yes, I think many big/ special days can end up being a let down. There is so much pressure for things to be perfect that it can almost be doomed to fail before it even starts.
It sounds like yours didn’t have any big dramas, but you over thought things all day and couldn’t enjoy it.
It might be worth asking your husband his favourite memories of the day. Maybe ask a parent and a good friend. I suspect they would say all sorts of lovely things. It might help you to know that it was a ‘good’ day and replace some of your more negative thoughts with positive ones.

That is very true!!

yes 100% agree I think that’s why I felt so depressed after because I was like what the hell is wrong with me everyone else says it’s the best day of their life so why don’t I feel like that?! I couldn’t wait for everyone to piss off home the next morning tbh 😂😂

I agree mine is definitely no where even on my list of best days of my life lol 😝

All our family and friends often talk about it really fondly and have great memories of it but I still just can’t say I enjoyed it my self. From a guests point of view I think it was probably an enjoyable day we went absolutely nuts with the food it was never ending and it was on a lovely farm loads of little pod style accommodation that we had a lot of people staying in live band but still I just don’t look back on it the way I thought I would!

This is a ridiculous post. A worry of entitlement. Move on. Why are you dwelling on something from 3 years ago when you are supposedly happy and with a baby. It’s like an act of self sabotage, picking at a scab to give yourself something to complain about.

Yep I felt similar. I had a massive wedding, a gorgeous dress, it was beautiful. The day was filled with pressure and anxiety and I have actually hid the wedding album in storage so I never have to see it. I never posted a photo online or in the house eithe so I never have to think about it.

sorry to hear you didn’t enjoy your day either! Was there something in particular that happened or just similar to me and just couldn’t relax enough to actually have a good time?

I had a decent day but no I never felt like girls when I was growing up had any like this 'best day of your life' thing so we had a few little things that went wrong but it was just part of the day

If people choose to invest that much thought and effort into one day it will never be perfect and there will always be disappointment

I do get bored of this 'all girls/women' thing being female does not mean we all think the same way

It's just a day, OP, I always think Christmas Day is a bit the same, kind of like a 24 hour day too. I didn't enjoy the actual wedding vows bit at all, too nervous. Much happier once the formal stuff was over and I could relax. I can see how it would have been stressful all day for you. Can you do a little something together to celebrate being married? Or even talk it out with your husband- say you loved getting married but ended up a worrier on the day? Just to loosen up that feeling a bit.

I loved my wedding day, but we had a very small wedding so none of these huge expectations. I don't think I ever wanted the full on big day, even as a child.

That's how my first marriage was. Not everyone is into the "bullshit".

Hi OP, thank goodness you've had a couple of posters who are the authorities on what you are and aren't allowed to feel 😂

But actually, it does suggest that having regrets about ones wedding might be a taboo topic, kind of like admitting you don't enjoy being a parent. So it is possible more people have regrets about their wedding day than the number of people who would care to admit it.

I had a small wedding and really enjoyed the day, but very severe depression set in a week after we returned from our modest UK honeymoon - I remember the exact moment it hit, early afternoon on the first Saturday we were back. I think the previous week (back at work) had felt like still being newly married with all the usual comments 'how's married life treating you' and making a point of addressing me as Mrs Newname; but the Saturday it hit me that it was all over and it was back to business as usual with nothing to look forward to.

I suffer from depression anyway but that bout was particularly hard and long-lasting, I didn't really come out of it for about a year.