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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think no one does this - Christmas toys related

318 replies

EvilsElsasPetSnowman · 23/11/2024 18:50

So MIL once did a judgy shock-face at me when, after asking if I take all the toys out the boxes and test them before Christmas Day, before wrapping them, i said “No of course not!”. She said “Oh I did with all of my kids’ toys! I made sure they had batteries in and that they worked because there’s nothing sadder than if a child can’t enjoy their present on Christmas Day”.

I pointed out that as a SAHM she probably had more time to do stuff like that than I do, and that if a toy doesn’t work I’ll replace it at the earliest opportunity, and the kids will have to live with the disappointment and that it won’t kill them, that’s life.

Anyway she went on to say that not only did she un box and then re box the toys, she would also read Lego instructions so she knew how to build the sets, and get this - if they were getting a computer game she’d set up their consoles and play the game so that if they needed help on a level she’d know what to do to help Confused

She just kept (rather smugly) saying “I always made sure I was prepared when it came to Christmas and that my kids knew I was always there for them if they needed my help with something”. I REALLY felt like saying “Funny how you weren’t there for them when you left their dad and moved in with your new fella and his kids for a year, completely ignoring their existence and not even turning up to parents evening or their sports matches, emotionally scarring all 4 of them, but the real failure as a mother is me as I don’t play Animal Crossing before my son gets to”. But I didn’t.

I think this is totally bonkers? Does anyone actually do this?

Also how in the actual fuck would you ever get toys back in the box?! I asked this and she says “it’s easy they just go in the same as they came out”. She clearly hasn’t met vacuumed toy packaging of the 2020’s some of which needs a hacksaw to even open

YABU = Yep I do this you slovenly woman
YANBU = that’s bat shit crazy and no one does it.

OP posts:
AffableApple · 23/11/2024 21:25

DinosaurMunch · 23/11/2024 21:00

No offence but if you had to go to work as well you'd realise how much time you really have in the day. Running round after kids all day is a choice - they're perfectly able to play at home for short periods while you do other things. Most of us are home with kids at least a couple of days a week so know exactly what it's like - it doesn't get suddenly harder on a weekday! Assuming you have 2 and the youngest is at least 6 months and you don't have 2 sets of twins under 4 that can't attend nursery, or some other unusual situation.

No offence, but twins under three. Even using the "free" hours, I would almost be paying to work. If it wasn't so offensive, "if you had to go to work as well you'd realise how much time you really have in the day" would be almost funny. Yeah, those short periods they're perfectly able to play, are the times I do all the things the nursery I can't afford would do - making their food, tidying up after them, etc. Strange to not know my situation, yet judge my lived experience.

NoisyDenimShaker · 23/11/2024 21:26

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 23/11/2024 19:09

I don’t think you are slovenly OP but I pretty much did what your MIL describes (not the Lego) and I have always worked full time in a very demanding job. So you are unreasonable to make this a SAHM issue. Everyone has different priorities and I very much wanted the toy playing and building to go smoothly on Christmas Day. I recall reading up on the rules of games, checking things worked, putting batteries in so things could be played with straight away. Each to their own.

I bet you enjoyed having the toys all to yourself, lmaoooo!

Thiszebraiscrossing · 23/11/2024 21:27

@stayathomer pathetic response. You do have more time else wouldn’t bother

SheSaidHummingbird · 23/11/2024 21:28

@EvilsElsasPetSnowman A tad. Smile and nod.

Mill3nnial · 23/11/2024 21:29

I think your MIL is crazy but I'd be mindful of saying SAHMs have more time on their hands as they don't necessarily - while you're working they're looking after their kids 🤔

While you're working someone else is looking after your kids...

AffableApple · 23/11/2024 21:29

Autumn38 · 23/11/2024 20:38

Are you planning on continuing to be a SAHM once your youngest gets their free nursery hours though? It’s literally dreamy. I work part time but on my 2 days off a week it’s so easy. I do a bit of housework in the morning the sit in front of the telly for a few hours in the afternoon. Dinner is on the table pretty much for the children and I can actually play with and spend time with them.

all my Christmas shopping will be done on my days off this year. No more sneaking onto Amazon prime at work when no one is looking.

That sounds blissful!

NoisyDenimShaker · 23/11/2024 21:30

I don't have kids but I reckon all you parents have a whale of a time playing with your kids' toys, lol! One of the hidden perks of having kids, amirite?

It's OK, you can admit it to me. I collect dolls and stuffed animals. My dolls even have their own RC car. 🤭

AffableApple · 23/11/2024 21:31

Mill3nnial · 23/11/2024 21:29

I think your MIL is crazy but I'd be mindful of saying SAHMs have more time on their hands as they don't necessarily - while you're working they're looking after their kids 🤔

While you're working someone else is looking after your kids...

This! Some of these responses are wild!

NoisyDenimShaker · 23/11/2024 21:31

Mill3nnial · 23/11/2024 21:29

I think your MIL is crazy but I'd be mindful of saying SAHMs have more time on their hands as they don't necessarily - while you're working they're looking after their kids 🤔

While you're working someone else is looking after your kids...

Maybe OP meant more time when the kids are school-age?

FiveWhatByFiveWhat · 23/11/2024 21:35

CatalinaLoo · 23/11/2024 19:58

Why? It’s true. A SAHM has an extra 40+ hours a week compared to a full time working mum.

I'm not sure how you're working that out - school is what, 6 hours a day give or take, take off time for drop off and pick up, that's nowhere near 40 hours. That's also assuming the sahm mum hasn't also got younger kids not school aged or that the kids are in full time school and aren't on reduced timetables or whatever. I'm not a sahm mum by the way, but I was raised by one and all the snidey comments on mn about them really grate on me.

ChocolateTelephone · 23/11/2024 21:37

God no. I’m doing well if I buy batteries. Your MIL is a tedious bore (and a hypocrite by the sound of things)

ManhattanPopcorn · 23/11/2024 21:38

She's full of shit. Never happened.

EvilsElsasPetSnowman · 23/11/2024 21:41

Mill3nnial · 23/11/2024 21:29

I think your MIL is crazy but I'd be mindful of saying SAHMs have more time on their hands as they don't necessarily - while you're working they're looking after their kids 🤔

While you're working someone else is looking after your kids...

True because my kids are in school as most SAHM’s children will be.
But they do have more time on their hands for domestic things. I couldn’t play Sonic or read a load of kids books (lol) at work

OP posts:
Herewegoagain84 · 23/11/2024 21:42

stayathomer · 23/11/2024 18:51

I pointed out that as a SAHM she probably had more time to do stuff like that than I do

Sorry op but you lost me here.(narrows eyes)

But of course a SAHM has more time to do these kinds of things - not necessarily the testing of the toys (because that’s batshit for anyone to do) - but more time to focus on child oriented stuff if you wanted to. Anyway not going to derail the thread.

Wigtopia · 23/11/2024 21:47

Stravaig · 23/11/2024 20:57

What on earth? Surely the building, putting together, setting up, configuring, figuring out how it works is half the fun! It's also how they learn, which is another layer of enjoyment and satisfaction on top.

I honestly despair of 'parents' who think kids should have every appetite fed on demand, every whim indulged, be spoon-fed entertainment every second of the day.

Edited

totally agree with this ⬆️

ButFirstCovfefe · 23/11/2024 21:50

If I made my kids Lego sets before Christmas there’d be utter hell to pay.

Darkmodette · 23/11/2024 21:50

There is no dig at sahm - I’m a sahm and of course sahm have more time. That’s the whole point

PeloMom · 23/11/2024 21:53

ButFirstCovfefe · 23/11/2024 21:50

If I made my kids Lego sets before Christmas there’d be utter hell to pay.

That’s totally different than say assembling a tools table or play kitchen for a 3-4 yr old no? I don’t know how old OPs kids are (apologies if I missed it) but if they’re small it’d be nice if they can just play with their gift vs older kid that can read and follow instructions .

FrowntonAbbey · 23/11/2024 22:01

EvilsElsasPetSnowman · 23/11/2024 18:54

But you would* have more time than someone who works 5 days a week (I’m not having a go at SAHMs but she does this a lot, points out all the things she had time to do and it’s the best way to tell her I don’t^ have that time)

Apart from the fact that none of this actually happened (must try harder to make it more believable next time - as if a kid is going to ask their mum for help with a computer game!), it’s all about how you choose to spend your time. She opened and checked toys, you bitch about her on MN. If you’ve got time for that, you’re not that busy.

Josie901 · 23/11/2024 22:03

I often put digs at my parenting choices down to insecurities about their own choices. I definitely would here now I know the backstory.

But I do check everything too (mainly to remove all the annoying ties and things) tbh - but DC doesn't have much at this age so it's fine. I mostly do it as I find the ties time-consuming/infuriating on a busy day - and a choking hazard for my DC.

crockofshite · 23/11/2024 22:08

BecuaseIWantItThatWay · 23/11/2024 18:56

I call BS on your MIL

Yep, agree with this.

Mil recollections may vary from those of her children.

CornishTiger · 23/11/2024 22:08

What happened the Christmas she was off having an affair. How did they survive then?

AmberAlert86 · 23/11/2024 22:13

What's with sahm comments saying they don't have more time?? BS!

EvilsElsasPetSnowman · 23/11/2024 22:14

FrowntonAbbey · 23/11/2024 22:01

Apart from the fact that none of this actually happened (must try harder to make it more believable next time - as if a kid is going to ask their mum for help with a computer game!), it’s all about how you choose to spend your time. She opened and checked toys, you bitch about her on MN. If you’ve got time for that, you’re not that busy.

because I make sure that I spend some time out doing things that I enjoy rather than being a MumBot doing pointless things in the name of being a martyr ‘gOoD mum’.

I think I’ve really hit a nerve with some people, but it won’t cajole me in pretending SAHPs don’t have any more time than working parents

OP posts:
LaMontser · 23/11/2024 22:16

In my house not only did Santa take everything out of the packaging as was reasonable (not LEGO or board games or jigsaws - Santa's not a psycho); but presents from Santa don’t get wrapped. This means my house wasn’t coming down with tonnes of rubbish on Christmas Day.