Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

[IMustConfess]

I live in a village on the coast in a semi-rural area. It's a place where people come to live for a relatively quiet life with great walks, fresh air and unspoiled beaches. Lots of artists and writers and gardeners.

Two years ago a couple from London bought the small detached property next door to me. It's a holiday home for them and their friends and family. They're in their 50s, clearly used to a busy lifestyle in London. Lots of talk of theatre and gigs and nice restaurants. They moved in and invited a few locals to dinner and said they wanted to get involved with whatever's going on. They clearly expected to be invited back to eat with everyone and were surprised when some didn't reciprocate. 'But we were told there was a great community here!' They went round knocking on lots of doors and introducing themselves and saying how much they wanted to be involved, but they're probably only here for 10 weeks of the year max. One of my neighbours was really pissed off by it. She said it was like they had an idea of country life they'd got from a TV drama.

When their families come down independently they knock on my door and introduce themselves and say how wonderful that we're all such good friends/ such a lovely community and seem to expect to be invited in and given tea and told what's on. If there's something happening they want me to take them along. They've clearly been told I'll be happy to include them.

This year the husband's been working away a lot and so the wife has been coming down on her own. She always messages me a day or two before she's due to arrive and announces she's coming and wants to know what's on in 'the community'. She messages me when she's arrived so I know she's arrived safely. 😱She expects to be included in anything I've got going on. I took her to my book group when she was down in the summer, and now she expects to be included and tries to get us to schedule our meet-ups for when she's here.

When I moved here I got to know people slowly and worked out who I got on with. My neighbours seem to think friendship comes on a plate and everyone loves them. We have friends who live next door to an AirBnB and say something similar: many of the people who rent the place want to talk to them as if they're friends and happy to spend half an hour telling them which coastal walk is most scenic or which local pub does the best beer. We live here: we're not tourist information or rent-a-mate.

Are we the unreasonable ones? What's going on with people that they think they can just waltz into a new area and everyone'll love them?

We're in a crisis as it is with rents being so high people can't afford other necessities. It must be possible to introduce sensible reforms without a crash.

Many years later our neighbours daughter came to live with us in London whilst she studied law. Now she’s a top flight human rights lawyer who takes us out for fancy meals. Thank goodness my parents weren’t too scared to knock on the neighbours door and ask for their help. Anecdotally, when my parents sold the house, it was to a French couple, who apparently weren’t even vaguely friendly with the neighbours.

Exactly. I think some people on here just don't seem to understand that. It's the housing market. I was in a similar position, I couldn't buy where I grew up. Such is life.

Where do you suppose the best place to build property might be? I’m guessing greenbelt land? Personally I think this should happen asap, but I’m guessing this will infuriate villagers, despite their house price based-beefs.

OP, I do think you've been given the answer a couple of times - tell them you're unable to handle any of their property management for them and that they'll have to employ someone to do that. Hand them their keys back.

Sadly your life is just too full on to be able to absorb their chores as well as your own, and you'd be grateful if they didn't pass your number onto any more visitors, as it's not something you will continue with.

My 2nd home neighbours are wonderful, I've known them for about 40 years, and I am a keyholder for them. Sometimes, I just cannot be here to let in workmen, and I certainly don't wait around for anyone. If the painter doesn't arrive at 8am as agreed to collect keys, I leave. I go to work and text ndn to say he didn't arrive. I don't care if that inconveniences ndn or painter. I have my own life. Next day, they're at my door right on time. I don't tolerate people taking my time for granted.

I wouldn't do even that for people I didn't know well. There are property agencies. They need to use one of them. Give them back their keys.

Yes, sadly some live in tiny (minded) bubbles and are unable to comprehend basic economic principles. Lucky me to grow up somewhere so cosmopolitan and accepting of other cultures.

Which sounds all lovely but buyers don’t have to divulge their personal circumstances to anyone.Including their solicitors. These days of course solicitors would know as they need to sort the 2% tax payment. They don’t, however, and shouldn’t be divulging this to anyone.
So the only way you could ensure you are selling to a family looking for their only home is by a seller selling to someone they know

Tiny minded bubbles are when you cannot accept other points of view. May I suggest you consider this for a moment.

What?! Friendly people from London who just want to be included in stuff!

How ghastly!

I do hope you rallied the villagers and told them to light their torches and sharpen their pitchforks... Definitely give them the speech that in the rural countryside where no-one is around, nobody can hear you scream... Hopefully, being educated city people they will have seen Deliverance...

Incidentally, as a born & bred Londoner here, I regularly have my neighbours over for BBQs; know more than a dozen neighbours on our street; have borrowed ladders and pet sat, helped out when asked, etc. Sorry to burst your stereotypical bubble of Londoners being misanthropes who never speak to each other!

You seem unable to draw a straight line between villagers profiting from outside money, rather than choosing to sell to someone from the village. This is a freedom any vendor has. If this is a concern in your village, you all need to be less greedy about your sale prices. Principles cost money my dear!

BLOODY SWINES! I won’t have it 😂

You've explained it all very well, and made excellent points. I concur. Some of the attitudes upthread are something else - it's ok to make biscuits called the N word because in 1628 it wasn't a racist word?! Really? Unbelievable. Some of the pettiness and small minded attitudes are very unpleasant.
I can't live in Islington, where I grew up. That's life.

@80smonster Could you be any more patronising?

It's a little more complicated than that, when you referring to the 'housing market' in London private rents have exponentially risen without a doubt due to offshore anonymous companies, this is happening in other parts of the country aswell and the impact is huge, where I live it is denying permanent residency for people who once could afford it and there are consequences of properties sitting empty, the tone of the place has changed, schools are closing down as families have been priced out. There are interventions that can happen like in Denmark you have to be a permanent resident for 5 years before being permitted to purchase a property there.

I think you really need to work on your (limited) comprehension skills. The issue you outline doesn’t just affect small villages - it’s a nationwide issue. The answer is leaning on vendors greed, not hating outsiders.

I support this house building

Duelling banjos!
The friendliest place I ever lived? Tottenham. The neighbours were amazing and incredible when my husband was taken ill. Some of them were very hard up, but brought round food and offered to look after the kids. One neighbour took my car, filled it with petrol and checked the tyres. People couldn't do enough. That's London for you.

Yeah, MN is a veritable rats nest on occasion. Sorry to hear someone posted that, I didn’t read it, probably too incensed by the village mentality. Interestingly Islington and Crouch End are both considered to be very villagey parts of London, packed to the gills with interesting people, ideas and cultures to share. I miss home everyday, but also love having lived all over London.

Me too! It was great growing up in Islington. I also loved Hackney and Tottenham.

Me too. This should bring jobs to local contractors. Wealth generation is key to the survival of small under-funded and populated villages.

It's not how I feel - I'm a city girl, blew in and then out again of village life, now live in a town.

These are opinions I've observed in villages - not my opinions.

I don't condone them or understand them, but it's what I've witnessed.

Sounds like we’ve lived in many of the same areas. Hackney was probably one of the friendliest places I have ever lived. London is a melting pot, something I see as incredibly valuable.

Totally! I wasn’t calling you naive or short-sighted - more the village viewpoints you were sharing.

Do you mean to say, 'were' in that sentence, hardly a village atmosphere anymore when zero class diversity and empty properties as easier to leave empty than rent out!

Brixton is the same, it has lost its soul as a result of zero wealth diversity.