Leaving a child in a shop

[Davegrohlsbabymama]

AIBU to think that leaving your 9 year old child in a shop and going back to your car with your 2 month old baby without saying anything is wrong?

I’d never walk out without telling my child. However kids do have a bad habit of not listening at times!

I’ve made this mistake before, the situation is clear in your head, and you think you’ve expressed it well, but then people point out that there’s actually a lot of room for interpretation, so you clarify, but no matter what you do now you’re a getting abused for drip feeding and deliberately causing drama. Some people just like an excuse to have a go at people, I think it makes them feel superior. I expect someone will be along in a minute to have a go at me for writing this.

In the situation you described, very wrong to just leave the kid and not explain where they we’re going, would have been fine if they’d actually explained to the kid first.

But not necessarily for the better. If a 9 year old child has never walked to a local shop alone then there's something wrong with how the child is being raised! Hardly surprising that many start High School unable to cope without Mummy.

Obviously it’s weird to say nothing and just to walk out of a shop and leave anyone you’re with, regardless of whether they are 9 or 39.

A 9 year old is usually perfectly capable of being in a shop unsupervised for a short time, but they need to know what’s going on!

Its not ok to leave the shop without saying you are doing so to a person you are there with.

The responses weren't really evil OP. You opened a very vague thread and then disappeared. People were assuming all sorts, that's what happens! You should have given more information so people could respond appropriately if you seriously wanted genuine answers.

I doubt the OP has any idea what passed between the mother and her 9 year old, she's just being nosy.

Did mum deliberately leave without telling 9 year old? Or was there a miscommunication?

Just don't leave your credit card with them too!

@JudgeJ
The op knows enough to know that the 9 year old is the half sibling of the 2 month old baby.

Because maybe the added 'details' are in response to not getting the reaction she expected! Anyone who actually witnessed this event would surely have included those highly relevant details in the original post.

This must surely have been a miscommunication - who would do it deliberately?

What happened in the end? Did the mother return, or did the child catch up with her?

Or is the child still in the shop, gazing mournfully at the horizon?

bUt waT if the shOp went oN fIRE?!!!
discustin.

What does them being a half sibling to the younger child have to do with the price of fish?

@drspouse Have you seen the news? knife crime, nonces, increased traffic=more accidents, etc etc. Not hard to find out how the risks have increased in 30 years!

@JudgeJ I'd rather my child safely experience the world and not be reliant on me, the two can be simultaneous! I'm far from a bubblewrap my child kind of parent, but I like them in one piece.

@arethereanyleftatall The NSPCC are quite adamant it's not safe, and many schools have a policy of collection within school grounds. You can read about it here My children's schools don't allow any children to leave the premises unattended, and I don't know anyone who allows their primary school aged children to walk into town- I'd be concerned if they did!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Or there's a child in a shit situation - but you do you

And as a mother yourself, you actually have to ask if this is wrong?

I mean, even if you weren't a mother, why don't you understand that this would definitely have been wrong?

I despair sometimes.

Of course it's wrong to leave a distressed child in a situation where they don't know where you are or what is happening and they don't have a phone to contact you. But I'd say that's probably the case for a 6 or an 11yo, as well as a 9yo. Tbh it's bloody rude to do that to anyone, including an adult.

People on this thread would probably have different views on whether they would do the following and that's fine:

• Let a 9yo walk home from school.
• Let a 9yo pop to the shops.
• Leave a 9yo in a different aisle in a shop.
• Let a 9yo go to the park on their own.

But the main difference in all of these cases is that the 9yo will be aware of what is happening and the parent should have talked through the dangers and how to find help with them.

As for what the correct age is for these, I make no judgment but would just observe that, where I live, many 11yos travel across town taking crowded public transport to secondary school by themselves, dealing with changes, delays and cancellations on their own, and they have to have their wits about them. So building up to a certain level of independence earlier may make sense to their parents.

@DazedAndConfused321 Crime is much lower than it was 30 years ago. You need to look at statistics, not headlines.
And nobody is going to get run over inside a shop.

You asked what's changed in 30 years regarding children walking into town alone at 9 years old- I didn't say children will get run over in shops. Reading comprehension is vital!

Headlines alert you to crime- then you know how to avoid it. I'm not living in blissful ignorance so I see when children are abducted or involved in car accidents when crossing roads or put in danger by being alone- and with that knowledge I make decisions regarding my children's safety.
You can let your child be in a potentially unsafe situation but I won't :)

Crime rates are irrelevant. No-one walks out of a shop without telling their companion (of any age) that they're off. So I doubt that happened. Child was not listening or misunderstood. What happened next?

A few years ago two boys aged 3-4 came to my work about 7pm this time of the year.

They had no shoes. The younger of the boys just had a long sleeve top on (nothing below). They crossed a busy road, where drivers frequently speed.

Their mum asked them to get some milk and sweets.

WTF was this mother doing instead of 1. Going to the shop with them and 2. Make sure her boys were dressed.

Exactly. I would be annoyed and worried if DH wasn’t in the shop we were in all of a sudden. A 9 year old child has every right to be worried if they weren’t told.

You are risking more by not allowing your child independence than by allowing a 9 year old to go to shops where there are decreased levels of crime.
You are risking your children's future, in fact.
Read The Coddling of the American Mind.