To stress the importance of his visit or wait and see?

[Lucia23]

I have an LDR partner, I'd say the relationship is a happy one despite the distance.

We generally see each other once or twice a month, in the run up to Christmas things have got busy and it has been less. I visited last.

My partner told me he just needed to get through key work things this month then he would visit for a week early December. I've been going through a hard time and the thought is keeping me going.

Tonight he says he's sorted a timetable change which would have meant he'd need to cancel the visit due to having to work. I said 'its great you've sorted it, I can't wait to see you' and he replied 'well I've submitted the timetable change, so hopefully.'

The way he talked, the visit sounded a sure thing. I am seriously considering ending the relationship if I don't see him before Christmas.

Do I tell him now this visit needs to happen or say nothing and if he cancels that's it?

You've missed out the context as to why you'd end it, you said the relationship is happy...

So he's got work commitments that are making it difficult for him to visit you.

Do you have any reason to disbelieve him?

Do you think hes making excuses not to see you, as he keeps rearranging visits and/or being evasive with dates?

I don't have any reason to disbelieve him. I get an idea of his crazy schedule when I stay with him.

But he stated I just had to hold on for not seeing him as much in November because in December he would come for a week before Christmas.

He never suggested it might not be possible.

@Pandasnacks because we never see each other! I love him and I think that's mutual. We talk for hours on the phone and have a great time in person.

But it would mean we hadn't met since October if we don't see each other again in December. What sort of relationship is it going to be if this continues?

I think you need to really consider if you’re going to be happy in a long distance relationship long term here. For some phone calls and texts and things may be enough but it sounds like your missing physical time with your partner and perhaps he isn’t missing that as much or is finding it easier.

Is there a realistic prospect of you living closer to one another in the future? If not, I think it’s likely that these crazy work schedule problems will continue to be an issue and, unless he addresses them and puts the relationship first, will chip away at you until you give up.

Its hard if it’s otherwise happy, but you need to make sure you’re getting what you need out of your relationship

Is this the guy trying to finish his PhD?

@Lmnop22 this is what I'm struggling with. I would need to move out at least spend more time there in the short term as a first step. It's possible in the new year.

But for now, he did say the would come here for a week, and suddenly it's not certain.

I know his work is important but sometimes I want to be the priority. I think you're right that I'm finding the physical part harder.

You need to think and ask of his real intentions, and not move nearer and then find out.
will his work life always be crazy.

@MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira no

@Nsky62 what do you mean, intentions? Long term plan like marriage, etc?

It sounds like long distance is not really working for you any more. Life and work gets busy but he's obviously not prioritising seeing you. Rather than issuing an ultimatum, you need to have a conversation about where you're going with this relationship and see if you're both on the same page.

@Noseybookworm I can deal with some distance for periods here and there

The issue here is he promised a period of distance followed by a trip which now may not happen. It's the idea of a broken promise. And obviously that this length of time is too much for me personally.

Of course it's the same one. OP posts about this, name changing, every few weeks. The poor bloke can't do anything right.

OP for his sake finish it. You are far too needy for him anyone

Unfortunately, work commitments can change and plans can change. That's life and it can't always be helped. If he genuinely can't make it because of work, I guess only you can decide if this is a deal breaker for your relationship.

I think you have to wait and see. It sounds like something's been landed on him at relatively short notice, but he's not saying it means he can't visit. He's proactively looking for solutions that mean he can still come.

Is this the partner who in a previous post said he couldn't see you until 2025? But you then got him to agree to come in December? It sounds the same. Just say it's not working for you. It sounds like you're not going to be happy unless he drops everything for you.

I know. I can see that he's trying.

I feel weak for finding the distance so difficult. Due to some personal difficulties life is hard at the moment and not having him around just to hug or hold my hand is tough. I wish I was stronger and more able to withstand it.

Haven't you done this thread before? He's trying to finish his PHD and has deadlines. If it's not you then your problem is extremely similar.

If you want to finish with him, then just do it.

Whether he is serious about you and give you time, or will the job be over demanding

He’s not that into you. If a man wants to spend time with you, he’ll make it happen. Your ‘boyfriend’ is quite comfortable with not seeing you for three months. Unless he’s deployed or on an oil rig this is ludicrous.

Sometimes in LDR you may go longer times without seeing each other, my husband lives in Nigeria and I live here in the uk and that means we don’t see each other face to face for 3-4 months at a time, but we are working on closing the gap. Ultimately there you need to consider what is important to you.

@BrickSloth I completely understand but we live just 3 hours apart. I feel Nigeria and UK is more understandable for that gap.

I know I'm not happy with the current low frequency of the visits. Occasionally is ok, but not as a pattern. Its not what we agreed.

@StormingNorman is right about it being ludicrous. He could jump on a train tomorrow at 6pm and be with me just after 9pm. Obviously his job is a factor but gives an idea.

Continuously posting the same thing.

I think he should end things.

It’s not nice to test people when they don’t know they’re being tested.