Is this a fair split?

[halloweenqueen1919]

DH works full time from home.

I work PT and have been offered a job that would require me to work 3 days a week in the office. The commute is about 60 (ish) mins each way. 9-5.

This means DH would be responsible for all things child Monday - Wednesday. Pick up, drop off and dinner basically.

I'd cover the Thursday, Friday and one weekend day to ensure a fair split.

While he's said he's onboard with me taking the role I have heard several times that's going to put more pressure on him.

He currently sorts the DC two days a week while I'm in the office or working from home.

I'm just looking for a sense check as I do the typical thing of prioritising not inconveniencing anyone else over what's actually best for me.

So current split is three days you two days him, so no problem with the balance flipping now.

Would you be wfh on Thursday/Friday or off? How old are the kids? In school or preschool?

I think it's fine. If you really wanted to ease things for him you could cook double on Sunday so he just needs to warm food on Monday.

How has it worked when it has been 3/2 in for you rather than 3/2 to him I suspect he hasn’t covered it

you are taking a job and he needs to cover it - and see how it goes with his job and if it does put pressure on his hours look at other childcare options

Yes I'd never thought that it would just be flipping the current set up!

Thursday and Friday I would be off and on those days would sort childcare and dinner etc. our DC are 5 & 7

Would you really sacrifice your career goals bc your husband felt 'imposed on' having to care for his children for an equal amount of time? He might not love it but frankly tough. Unless he wants to employ a childcare service out of his own individual savings? But clearly it's totally reasonable.

I've also requested to work Mondays due to Bank Holidays etc.

Could he work longer hours those days - I think in fairness to him he is working full time and this would take hours out of his job and what impact that has - can he make them up on these days and potentially at the weekend

bexuase I assume at the moment you aren’t working full time

Thank you for the sense check.

I'm the most horrific people pleaser and doubt myself at the first sign of anyone being put out.

I think it's also due to the fact DH earns significantly more than me that I sometimes feel I should be making his life less stressful not more

@Tiswa yes that was something he suggested. I mean DC could always go to ASC or BC if necessary. That's what I'd do if push came to shove

It is not your job to make his life less stressful at the expense of you and your career. That said neither can it be at the expense of his career so maybe start looking at ASC and BC at least one day in terms of putting names down

I'm actually considering a very similar move, and one my concerns is the impact it will have on my husband. Your situation isn't really "flipping it" because he is still working full time and you are part time. For three days a week he will be doing all of the child stuff and also working full time, whereas you will have no days when you are doing both the child stuff and a full day of work, and you will also have two days a week to yourself as your children are school age. Definitely sounds like he is getting the short straw here.

Hmm. Depends on how you split the other stuff imo.

DH works 5 days a week and sorts the kids out on 3 of his working days.

You work 3 days a week and sort the kids out on your two non-working days.

You each take the lead on one weekend day.

On the face of it, you would have a much easier deal. You would only work 3 days compared to his 5, and you wouldn't have to think about the kids on your working days, while he would have to think about pickups and dropoffs for the majority of his working week. You would have all day Thursday and Friday free with the kids in school.

If you're spending all of that "free time" doing housework so that there are no domestic responsibilities for DH other than sorting the kids on his 3 days/1 weekend, then fair enough. But if you're expecting him to chip in with the housework as well when you have 2 non-working days to yourself, that doesn't seem balanced to me.

Look into policy. If you are contracted to do x amount of hours per year you may have to make up hours for taking the bank holiday Mondays.

I used to work in a school & did Mondays. My hours over the rest of the year were increased to cover the shortfall.
My colleague didn't work Mondays & got extra leave/reduced hours to compensate "missing out" on the bank holidays.

I don't understand these types of posts.

everything having to be 'equal'. Number of days/picks ups/dinners. Why can't adults just do what needs doing so life is the best it can be for everyone?

presunably, as a family, you'll all be better off with your increases income?

Do you want to work in an office (an hour away)? Do you want the job?

I agree with this. Part time workers at my office get a pro-rata entitlement. So if you work 3 days you get 3/5ths of the total number of hours of bank holidays each year. Not working Mondays means I get to take those hours on other days instead. I previously worked Mondays and if I wanted to take all the bank holidays off I had to use annual leave to cover the shortfall in hours.

As for the original question, absolutely you should go for the job.

To add, I think you should take the job if it's a good opportunity for you, and your DH should be willing to support you in that. You might just need to tweak things though to make it a bit more fair.

And yes, I agree with other posters that working on Mondays is usually a disadvantage for PT staff who end up having to use leave to cover them.

You would be better off not working Mondays if only working three days a week. If you work PT you are only entitled to a percentage of BH not the full 8 and will have to cover some of the BH with AL if working a Monday. If you work Tuesday to Thursday you will still be entitled to BH on a pro rata basis and will get these days as additional leave.

I would not feel bad about having DH having to do the majority of the school run. I earn more than my H but do the majority of the childcare runs as my job offers more flexibility than his does. He does however have to cover school/nursery runs when I have to go to London for work on an ad hoc basis

Your husband has the worse deal here as for 60 % of his working days he has to sort kids whereas you have to do it on 0% of your working days. It would be better to use wraparound care and work out the split from there ie split the days or one do drop off and the other pick up.

I understand the point about me looking after DC on my non working days being easier which it definitely is.

Perhaps wrap around care on the days we both work would be the better option for us

When did everything become a 50/50 split down the middle? When I first read this, I thought you were separated.

Sorting kids and the house is a team effort; I know I don't always do my 50% and I know there are times when I do more than my 50%; we all play to our strengths.

I did the school run for 12+ months with my youngest,recently,no issues; I have the flexibility to do that with my job now. I didn't have that luxury with my oldest two as I was self-employed and out the door early.

15 years ago, my wife 100% pulled more weight around childcare than me, but she worked part-time where I was doing 60-70 hours per week.

Swings and roundabouts. If your jobs allow it, I don't see an issue with one parent doping slightly more.*

*as long as either party is not taking the utter piss.

I think it’s ok to acknowledge that it is going to put more on him, but that’s life when both parents need/want to work. It doesn’t mean it’s not a reasonable decision for you to make.

Good to hear you’ve got options for after school care, if necessary.

Him doing 3/5 childcare plus full time work is not equal to you doing 2/5 childcare and only working 2 days a week by a long shot.

You have 2 full free days to yourself as well as weekends. He has only weekends.

Generally the person working PT does so in order to cover childcare responsibilities. Is there any reason that you can't go back full time and equally share the burden of wage earning if he's doing full time work and more than half the childcare? I don't really understand the point of you being part time if the full time worker is still covering the majority of the childcare.

Meh the pressure on women is usually much higher and the dudes don’t really care as long as doesn’t impact them. Sure it would increase the pressure on him but so what? He needs to step up.