To not drive?

[Brownwitch]

I don't drive due to anxiety. I get panic attacks at red lights, on motorways etc. I also have high anxiety about crashing and hurting someone. I walk where I need to go. A person in my life said I am lazy. Would you agree?

No it's safer for all if you stay off the road - in the nicest possible way.

Walking not driving is clearly not lazy!

I know I’m a very safe driver, but anxiety keeps me off the road too. You’re not lazy, kind of the opposite if you’re walking everywhere!

I think it's absolutely fine if you don't rely on others to get you about, if you walk, get taxis and use public transport then it's noone elses business.

It would be unreasonable of you to be a danger in the road or to rely on others to get you about.

Not lazy, just anxious. Does it bother you, that you can’t drive? If not, then I wouldn’t worry about it.
I list my licence last year after a psychotic episode. I’ve reapplied to get it back now I’m stable. I’m going to be SO anxious when I drive again but I know I need to. My parents are getting older and I need to know I can visit them and take them to appointments if needed.

I guess it depends on whether you need to drive and whether not driving has any implications for other people.

If it doesn't impact on anyone other than yourself, then it's totally your call. If you don't want to drive, it isn't an issue.

If it impacts negatively on others, then I suppose it becomes a question of what that impact actually looks like. Arguably, if there is a significant impact on others, then you should be taking steps to deal with your fears. If it's little more than a minor inconvenience for anyone else, then maybe that's not necessary.

I don't mind the actual driving.
What really puts me off is other drivers, being too close, not giving way, being on their phone, getting aggressive if I make a mistake, those new headlights that blind me.

You might walk where you need to go, but does it mean there are family responsibilities you never have because you don't drive? When I broke my arm all of the running around for ds, clubs, activities, grocery shopping (even if I came with) fell to DH when usually we split those things. Family days out it means the other person always has to do all of the driving. We drove to the Netherlands earlier this year for a holiday, both did a share of the driving. Could've flown would've been more expensive, less convenient, and difficult to get to the area we were going to. So there are secondary impacts of not driving. But if you have no DC , have your shopping delivered, don't go far or have an excellent public transport network locally that means no one ever drives you anywhere. It's probably fine

Is the person telling you you're lazy someone you rely on for "lifts" or to do errands/shopping/take the kids places etc for you, because you don't drive?

I'm not saying you should drive, quite frankly it sounds like you'd be a hazard on the road, but I can understand someone's frustration if you're giving them more work because of not driving.

I would very much prefer you never get behind the wheel of a car op

I finally admitted to my counsellor this week that I don't drive due to anxiety. Publically I say it's for environmental reasons, and that is part of it for me, but the fear of being in charge of a lump of metal that could kill or injure someone is the main reason.

I live in a city and walk/cycle/bus or taxi. I've stopped feeling guilty about taxis now as it's still cheaper than us running a second car. Plus sometimes I need to take DD to appointments that aren't accessible by public transport.

I have many other talents, driving just isn't one.

The people who call those who don’t drive “lazy”, “irresponsible” etc… would probably hate it if every adult owned a car as there would be obviously more traffic on the roads/ on residential streets/on car parks. They’d soon be complaining about too much traffic holding them up and not being able to find a parking spot. And I bet these people also whinge about the planet too, but yet they pull their face at someone who doesn’t drive. 🤦🏼‍♀️

You're not lazy, and whoever said that clearly doesn't understand the implications of anxiety. It's such a cliche but you do only get one life and it's too short to spend time worrying if you're making the right decision when you know it's the right decision.

Millions of adults don't drive!

youre not being unreasonable. Why force yourself to do something you’re not confident doing just because of someone’s perceptions. Why risk yourself and others?

it took me 10 years after I passed my test to become an actual driver. The anxiety was horrendous and I swore I would never drive, I just couldn’t. That anxiety switched off one day, but I was happy to accept I could never.

I have lived my whole life before now , walking and public transport. I had two kids and still got about just fine.

In fact I miss the amount of admin and work I’d get done on public transport, and I’ve put on weight 😂

I’d say it’s the opposite of lazy!

I used to be like you although not quite as bad but I’d have nightmares about making the wrong decision on a motorway etc. the day before long drives so I only drive locally now. But driving is definitely the lazy option over walking!

I have the same as you: panic attacks behind the wheel. I tried therapy and special anxiety-driving lessons for years. I could manage to drive my elderly parents to the hospital for a while. Until they both got seriously ill and died. Then the panic attacks returned. Now I have a “driving pause” . I am planning to start with the anxiety-driving lessons again when my eldest son starts his lessons. I am hoping it will be fun talking about it together. I do hate having to depend on others driving me, never being able to take turns when on holiday.

Did you try therapy or special lessons?

It’s not lazy but not driving is probably holding you back. I’m not the best, and took many attempts to pass but I couldn’t not drive.

I am 100% one of those people who think that in almost all cases, people should be able to drive. But I certainly don't think that not driving is lazy.

In your case, I don't know you. I might feel that finding ways to get over your anxiety is a better option, but I wouldn't call you lazy.

As to how much I'd care? Well, if your not driving does not impact me in anyway, then no, I don't care at all. if I am having to do all the driving on days out, nights out, hobbies etc, then yes, I do care.

As long as you don't expect other people to give you lifts everywhere looking at you DB

Thanks for all the replies. I do have kids but their school and activities are an easy walk. I get our big shop delivered and pop to the local shop for any small top ups. I get buses/trains/taxis.
For family days out etc my hubby drives but he says he doesn't mind. We don't really do driving holidays and he is happy to do the small bit of driving on holidays. He quite likes driving actually and doesn't like to be a passenger.
The person who said it is my in law, not somebody who has ever driven me anywhere. They don't know the reason that I don't drive but basically said they think I am lazy and stupid to not drive.
In an ideal world I would drive but I can't get over the anxiety. I found the remark quite upsetting.

I wouldn’t consider your lazy, I would say you sound very anxious.

I wouldn’t mind unless you were expecting lifts, or for plans to always change to suit your needs.

My mother doesn’t drive on motorways, dual carriageways or roundabouts due to anxiety, but implies that it is something can’t control rather than something she could take steps to improve.

It has a hugely negative impact on our family because of our locations, particularly when I was a child as we just didn’t do stuff that others did, or were forever standing around in the cold waiting for buses, and on my father who has to do all the driving. I do resent her for this impact.

I think that many of us initially are anxious but don’t have the luxury of not doing it.

Your case is more extreme than mine above, but it wanted to offer an alternative view.

Surely walking and using public transport makes you less lazy than driving?

I don't know how old they are or where you live but be warned, this might not always be the case. As our DC have got older, their lives have expanded exponentially. Even just giving lifts to friends' houses etc.

Admittedly, we live in an area that appears to have plenty of public transport.... and yet it's all completely and totally impractical for anyone except possibly people who want to take a bus or train into the local town centre. It's like a bloody wheel spoke with the town centre in the middle and no other areas touching each other.

<yes, I may be a little twitchy about this. If I thought there was some way to lobby my MP on this issue, I would >

the person who said this… let me gues, they have to pick up a lot of driving because you don’t drive?

Do you live rurally or centrally located and can walk to shops, doctors etc?

Do your children all have friends only locally and no activities that involve a drive?

@Brownwitch driving is not for everyone!