To not drive?

[Brownwitch]

I don't drive due to anxiety. I get panic attacks at red lights, on motorways etc. I also have high anxiety about crashing and hurting someone. I walk where I need to go. A person in my life said I am lazy. Would you agree?

i wondered whether you were a sahm

Do you want to try to manage your anxiety so you can drive again OP? Or are you happy as you are?

No I have been a sahm for years but recently gone back to work part time.

very very recently!!

I wonder about the sanity of the in law who goes around calling people 'stupid' and 'lazy' to their faces. Are they of an age group where dementia could be a possibility because that really isn't normal behaviour.

Similarly to an earlier poster, if there was a junction or journey that I found tricky, I would practice it at quiet times of the day so it became familiar and I knew what to do if I couldn't get into the lane I needed or had to take an unexpected exit.

I would love to manage my anxiety to be able to drive but I cannot see it happening.
I have anxiety in other areas of my life which I try to manage. Driving is hard because I feel if I have a panic attack whilst driving it could seriously affect others whilst a panic attack somewhere else would only affect me if that makes sense.

Yes!

Any idea what's brought on your anxiety?

as in last 48 hours? (i was on the thread where you were saying how much you love being a SAHM!)

anyway re driving… if causing zero issues for you, your partner and children… no biggie 🤷

I did love being a SAHM.
But my job is not really relevant here.

I was always a worrier as a child. It got worse in my late 20s, not sure why really, but has always been pretty manageable apart from driving. It has gotten worse again in my early 40s.

Not directly relevant
i was confused as two days ago you were saying how much you enjoy being a sahm and gave impression you still were

i wondered whether the relative was implying no license limited your options to work

Hi. I'm similar to you. I passed my test 1st time, and now I'm too anxious to drive. I also have ASD so that can impact on things. My issue isn't driving in itself, but other road users and making quick executive decisions. Ie traffic lights out ect. Im also not able to drive in unfamiliar places.

I over think everything. I find ways to get around this by having delivery's to my home, and I walk the school run. My husband likes driving and is happy to be the driver if we go places as a family. It works for my household. I'm not doing it because I'm selfish, it's as I genuinely don't feel able at this point. If I knew how to overcome my anxiety I would be happy to drive as it would make my life easier .

Did they call you lazy just because you won’t drive, or was it more a general conversation because you didn’t work or drive and they felt you weren’t doing your bit?

Being familiar with the junction etc is not the issue for me. I know i am actually a good and safe driver. The anxiety comes from feeling like I cannot escape if I need to. If I am on a road where I feel I can pull in if I need to I am OK. If I am somewhere where I feel trapped like a red light or a motorway or in heavy traffic I get panicky and it can turn into a full blown panic attack.

did your in law actually say “you are lazy”?

I think you're not pushing yourself because you've got someone to drive for you. That isn't a criticism because I was the same when I was married...I didn't drive for years. Then I got divorced and I had no choice but to drive. Now I'm forced to drive on motorways because my DS is at a university and it takes five hours to get there on back roads (I've tried!). I hate it and try to drive at weekends but I have to do it and that's that. If everyone else would drive a bit more slowly (or even at the speed limit) I'd be fine.

They said 'it's a bit lazy and stupid not to drive'.
They do not know I don't drive due to fear of panic attacks so I guess they think it's stupid that an able bodied person doesn't drive.

The work thing is not relevant but its been brought up here quite a bit now. They were not calling me lazy about being a SAHM because this person knows all I did as a SAHM and thinks I am bringing more stress on the family by going back to work ( my hubby will have to take kids to school a few mornings a week etc) so does not wholly support me going back to work even part time.

Maybe there should be specific times when only ASD individuals are allowed on the roads :). If anyone looks lost or breaks down it should be mandatory for everyone to stop and provide assistance and comfort.

If your house is in a convenient location (or you can afford to move) you can probably manage without driving. I had a few lessons in my thirties and I just didn't enjoy it, nor did I need to drive.

Admittedly I have always lived within 10 minutes' walk from a decent train station as an adult and in towns and cities, but I've always managed. Countryside is also within easy reach from home.

Food gets delivered, heavy stuff gets delivered.... teen has always been within 20 minutes' walk from school.

The money I 'save' by not owning and running a car can go into an Uber/taxi budget.

DH has a car that he/we use 7 or 8 times/month.

I seem to have plenty of "townie" friends who don't drive either.

It's not because I have someone to drive for me. I am rarely in the car with my husband probably once every 2 or 3 weeks.
I am very self sufficient, if I need to go somewhere I walk, use public transport or get a taxi.
I don't drive because I get panic attacks driving.

I hear you, OP. I have been the same since the menopause. Even talking about driving makes ne cry. The last time I drove anywhere to meet friends I had to turn round & drive home again after half an hour because I was so stressed about the thought of driving home later that I couldn't enjoy the meal.

I used to have to drive a child to a club once a week- it was only a 2 mile journey but I would be thinking about it & in tears from the drive hone one week to doing it the next.

I can walk to work/everywhere& live near good transport links. If I can't get somewhere,on my own then I don't go.

If I could only ever drive at 4am on a June morning I'd do it but I can no longer cope with the unpredictability. Just because I drove to Aldi ok yesterday, what might be on the road today? My processing speed is slow & I am terrified of causing or being involved in an accident. Consequently I sm hyper vigilant about every little thing which makes it worse.

I've had refresher lessons- ok with sn instructor but useless on my own as I don't trust myself. Can't go eith DH as we'd be divorced before the doors were shut!

I think I certainly have ASD traits. I feel completely ashamed& embarassed thst I have been unable to overcome this anxiety & am a complete failure as a person - it's tantamount to saying you can't read or ride a bike or swim.

But OP you know yourself best & if you are happier not driving & it doesn't impact anyone else......then ignore the other people.

You may not be a safe driver, for yourself or other road users, if you are that anxious. Much better to avoid it.

No, the brain cell who accused you of being lazy is the lazy one OP.

You have to put in more effort to get yourself to places and all they do is sit on their backside and drive there, plus, they have the hassel of parking which is like vehicle tetris without spaces which you have the great advantage of not havig to consider so for you, not driving is a win win.

No way are you lazy. You are considerate of others. Probably in better physical health as a result.

The lazy ones are those driving (badly usually) in a car for half a mile instead of getting up and leaving earlier.