I have a few issues with my mum, she's been weirdly controlling and competitive with me since I was a child. But I've tried to keep things cordial because she is good with my kids and they really love her (this also makes me a little sad, because I felt that she really didn't like me as a kid - even though I was good kid, desperately wanted her to like me, and a people pleaser - see rest of post). I have two older brothers, who she thinks the sun shines out of, even though they hardly bother with her. So every Birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day - I include her, because my brothers won't.
Anyway, a few years ago, on Christmas Day, in front of my children and Husband, she put £50 in my hand and said 'I didn't know what to get you, so here is £50...to spend on you - but I don't want you to spend it on cigarettes (I do smoke) or alcohol' (yes I do drink, but not to excess). The way she said it seemed very controlling and it felt like she was trying to infantilise and belittle me in my own home, in front of my family.
I don't have any money worries at all, I didn't need the money.
This was the first time I stuck up for myself with her...I calmly took the money, opened her hand back up and placed it in her palm. I said 'I don't need your money, and if you are going to gift someone money, you don't put exceptions on it, you can take your money back, you are a guest in my house and I won't be spoken to like a child'. The money was never mentioned again.
I then went upstairs and cried my eyes out.
I'm much better with boundaries now, although it doesn't always stop the poisoned stuff that she spouts sometimes, but I am better at dealing with it.