For texting fighting neighbours?

[MissKittyFantastico84]

Just after a general consensus really...

We live in a house with neighbours either side and the walls are thin - a fact we're all aware of as we all have kids.

All relationships are good natured and polite, we do little favours for each other when people go away - feed cats, water plants etc. Normal neighbour stuff.

Our neighbours to the left have clearly been having some marital issues over the last few months. I work from home and have been party to some huge rows through the walls in the daytime. Absolutely none of my business however, and I'll walk to a different room to avoid the noise and stress.

But the fights have been quite nasty, and the general tone has meant we have backed off from socialising with them. All still polite, but just want to create some distance.

However last night, when I was putting my son to bed, a huge row erupted in their child's bedroom - which they absolutely know is directly next to my son's room. There was shouting, banging, pulling stuff out of drawers maybe - this was around 8pm.

I moved my son to a different bedroom to go to sleep. He wasn't upset, but he was asking questions.

The fight continued then eventually came downstairs. Stopped half an hour later and all was silent.

My question: should I send a message on our group chat and mention how unacceptable I found that situation? I don't care if they fight at 2pm on a Monday because I have no interest in their personal issues - but my husband and I do not behave that way, and I don't think it's OK for my son to be disrupted by it, especially when he's trying to sleep.

Or should we stay well out of it?

Advice please!

First off, I feel they have more on their plates to worry about than your ds sleep routine.Secondly I think maybe your first concern should be folr the wellbeing of their own children and thirdly household noise at 8pm is not 'unreasonable'

Stay well out of it, I'm sure they are aware that you can hear them but just get lost in the anger.

I wouldn't send it on a group chat...

Difficult really as I know people say it's none of your business but when anyone does something that affects the neighbours/other people to such an extent it disturbs their peace/lives they've made it your business by doing so.

If you do get on well can you approach one of them and explain that you can hear every word, although clearly you know it's not, ask as a neighbour if they need a chat.

As said if they say its none of your business you need to let them know that they've chosen to make it so load you've even had to rearrange sleeping for your own DC so you've a right to ask them for consideration.

I’d take more of an is everything ok approach with one of them face to face . Saying anything through the group chat is not going to go well.

Certainly do not put it into the group chat. If you know them well enough maybe check with one of them is all ok. I feel sorry for their kids.

Should you send a message on the group chat about their arguments? Hell no.

Should you try and address it privately with the wife? Yes. Complete reasonable.

Definitely do not put it on a group chat. How embarrassing would that be!!! How about you take a more caring approach and ask if all is okay and do it face to face. I think the noise is the least of the things to be worried about.

Absolutely do not say anything at all in the group chat.

If you do anything then a quiet, private word with one of them will do.

Absolutely not a good idea.

Not in the group chat. Ask one of them if everything is OK face to face, if they ask why then give them a vague answer, they will put two and two together that their arguments are so loud the neighbours are worried about them

Are you sure it’s not abuse? Because my ex would abuse me and scream and shout at me to the point where my neighbours had to observe when he was leaving to be able to come and knock to check I was ok. He somehow found out that my neighbour knocked (I think he had another neighbour he was friends with keep watch on me) and I got so much crap for my neighbour speaking to me.

so if it’s abuse and you put in the group chat, you don’t know if that’s a risk if it is abuse. Also, if it’s a group chat for all neighbours, I don’t see how this is fair to spread their business also. Have a private word, you’re obviously trying to embarrass them.

again, you don’t know the ins and outs, it’s not ideal living there but as stated, it could be an abusive relationship or just generally having their marriage break down is hard enough without other people making it harder

If it’s really extreme then you ring 999. This is how loads of domestic violence gets reported- neighbours that are sick of the noise and are a bit worried.

If it’s a heterosexual couple I would ask the woman what is going on, she may need some support.

Maybe try the school group chat?!
No, not really. Speak to one or both of them and say they are disturbing you.

Only if hetero? Really do no other kind of relationships warrant support? Obviously there is no DV in lesbian/ gay relationships?!?!?

What? What a ridiculous comment.

FFS don’t put this on a group chat. Have a word face to,face with them if necessary but - arguments aside - 8pm is unreasonable to expect silence next door.

@Notchangingnameagain agree
But obviously the previous poster believes a woman couldn't be the aggressor (ps anyone seen the documentary on Netflix , has also been on terrestrial tv before)

Women cannot be abusers?

No I wouldn’t text.

It’s done and texting will do nothing for your sons sleep now.

If it happens again, then I would consider texting whilst it’s happening or knocking on the wall/door.

Gently, I doubt they will care about your sons sleep pattern.

If you think the shouting is getting too much, then call the non emergency police who will go and have a chat to them.
They will be a bit embarrassed and will hopefully keep it down in the future and it may knock some sense into them about how they can’t continue the way they’re going.

If you think it’s getting aggressive then of course ring 999.

My next door neighbours conduct themselves loudly. One night a fight was so bad I called the police. They did take him away but as I asked to be anonymous (I didn't see anything & they obviously had evidence) I don't know the outcome. It was very quiet over the summer so maybe he got jail, I can live in hope.
Anyway, if you don't want a confrontation and they are loud and aggressive can I suggest calling the police anonymously. You have no idea of the damage being done to one or the other, but there's at least one child in there.

It sounds like your neighbours are having a really tough time so you could offer support or you could raise the volume nicely in case they don’t realise you can hear everything.

Telling them their behaviour is unacceptable in a group chat is just judging them publicly which isn’t constructive. If they’re rowing like that, they’ve lost control so they’re not thinking about what’s acceptable or how you and your husband conduct yourselves.

For your general consensus, OP:

I can't believe you'd even consider putting this in a group chat! That would be absolutely awful!

No I didn’t mean that at all. I just meant that rather than assume it’s ‘equal’ arguing I would be concerned there is abuse and statistically that’s more likely to be a man abusing a woman.

I know women can be, statistically it’s more likely that a man is an abuser of a woman, that’s all I was thinking, didn’t explain it too well.