I have posted previously about my elderly Dads recent accident. Just to recap….
Dad had a fall 5 months ago and ended up in and out of ICU as he suffered a severe brain injury. He has a female neighbour who he has lived next door to for years. She is the same age as Dad (78). They didn’t have much to do with each other but had polite conversation.
When I went to his house after the accident she had pushed a note through the letter box as she was concerned she hadn’t seen him so I explained the situation and we exchanged telephone numbers in case something happened at his house.
Since then she has been messaging me often or calling. She is nice enough but I am starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Myself and Dad are private people and Dad has lost mental capacity. I am not sure he would want her knowing his personal situation and he has said in the past that she can be nosy and interfering.
I feel like I have told her too much about Dads situation without thinking. I guess I was grateful for any support in the beginning. In the beginning, she kept saying she would be very upset if he went in a nursing home and that he should be at home but she didn’t understand the situation and that Dad would not be safe at home. I really felt like this was none of her business and her comments made me angry. She messaged me often asking how Dad was.
She went to visit him with her daughter in the nursing home last week. I was really surprised by this and I don’t know her daughter at all. She called me to tell me they both cried after seeing him and her daughter said “don’t worry Mum, I will never put you in a home”. I didn’t like this comment as again, I had no choice. He is too ill to be at home and I felt like I had to explain myself to her.
She is visiting him again before Christmas and she has bought sweets for the staff.
She asked me what was happening to his council house and then kept saying “you can’t give it up as he will be moving back in the future” (He will never be able to move back).
When she visited the home, she told staff he needed speech therapy and staff told her that I was dealing with it as his advocate.
Now don’t get me wrong, part of me thinks she is kind and is concerned about my Dad but another part of me is concerned that she is overstepping and getting too involved. She doesn’t understand the full situation and she doesn’t need to but she is giving advice and asking about things that have nothing to do with her. I don’t need her to watch his house as I am there often checking his mail.
The gas safety man came to my Dads the other day to check his boiler and her daughter went out and told him there was no point checking it because he was in a nursing home, I know it sounds like I am being difficult but I didn’t want him knowing. I was aware and was dealing with it via the council.
AIBU? Should I be grateful for her concern and stop being paranoid?