To ask how you deal with relatives with views very different to yours

[Sindymindy]

Some family members have views that verge on the ridiculous and are clearly driven by social media with some Fox and GM news thrown in. How do you deal with this ? It’s just constant nonsense and it’s draining !! Cutting people out isn’t an option; I just need to be able to tune it out !

Is one of them Jim Carrey? My parents obviously read the same material 😂

Stay off of contentious subjects. We don’t all need to agree. 🙂

What a wonderful post

While I understand your point and agree that reasoned debate and being able to try and see other peoples points of views is an essential part of life try spending time with my PILs 😂It's an absolute waste of time us discussing anything politically as they will not convince me (Farage voting/ conspiracy theorists /racists) and I am wasting my breath talking to them.

Safe topics of conversation are gardening / grandkids and holidays.

Just change the subject or be non-commital? I’ll be honest - I’ve no interest in trying to educate or enlighten anyone but if I love them and want them around I’ll put up with it.

I would just repeat "no politics at christmas"

And I would remember that often, people have lived in very different times from us. Homosexuality was illegal for example - during the lifetimes of people who are still with us. Crimes are wrong. Homosexuality was therefore wrong and punishable. Additionally the use of language: these days, saying the N word is considered utterly appalling. My grandfather had a tin of shoe polish were the colour was described as "n*er brown" - printed on the tin. It was used as a descriptor. Racism and homophobia are now crimes.

there were 3 stars there, don't know where they went.

Not well is the answer.

I think it's very helpful to remember that if you think they are silly/crazy/naive or whatever, and find it annoying, they almost certainly think the same of you.

So how do you want them to treat you and respond to what you say?

That's probably what you should do.

My mum always said don't discuss religion & politics unless you want to cause a disagreement and it's true..

I do though find it weird that back when I was a teenager in the 90s everyone agreed Nazis were Bad People and now erm... well quite a few popular public figures in the world fit that description.

Complaining about ULEZ isn't that unreasonable... It's not like it's a conspiracy theory. Lots of people think ULEZ has got out of hand.

Shrugging
Whatever
Sighing and staring at the TV

Before I even clicked on this thread, I KNEW the OP would be a left-winger, complaining about people with right wing views. 😂 So predictable and typical!

I knew that no-one would post 'how do I deal with relatives with views very different to mine,' and it turned out those relatives were left wing! (And the OP right-wing!)

Never happens. Right wing people never whinge, and get salty and angry about people being left wing. It's only the left wing who can't STAND it that some people don't think like them, and say any views that are different to theirs (ie; right wing views) are 'WRONG!'

Get a grip @Sindymindy 😆 Not everyone is going to agree with you!

.

It's like you've never heard of trump.

Are you the family member, cos you sure sound like them 😆

No I won’t change my mind about certain things. I won’t open my mind to racism, sexism etc. Why should I ?

I had an encounter recently with someone making some very bizarre claims. I spent a lot of time respectfully telling them they were parroting conspiracy theories and propaganda. It’s difficult to not be rude.

I think part of the problem is that the Left are so loud and so dominant in mainstream institutions, that they genuinely can't cope when they hear right wing views aired out loud. It's like, it's fine for people to have right wing views as long as they never express them.
I have conservative views and I just default to never sharing my opinions in public, because it's just not worth the derision and alienation.

There is a huge difference between conservative views or right wing views, and crazy extremist, irrational, conspiracy theory, offensive views.

example 1: right wing people absolutely oppose the VAT on private schools. Die hard lefties mostly don't. These are just different views, they can be debated. I don't have any issues with anyone who has either side of this view.

Example 2: Sex before marriage. I have no problem with sex before marriage - get on and shag your b rains out I say. if you tell me that yoyu are not interested in having sex before marriage, good on you I say. And even ifyou call me a harlot because I had sex before marriage, I would find that rude and offensive, but you have the right to that opinion.

I am South African so I have lots of South African friends, familiy and acquintances. Where I struggle is when I have to sit at a dinner table while some old white South African, in his beautiful home with a pool and a full time domestic worker, rants about how "the blacks" just want everything handed to them and if they aren't going to knuckle down and do the work "like I did" then they don't deserve better houses or more education.

Or when, here in England, I meet someone who rants about the conspiracy of Covid, talks about how "they" just want to control us and that Bill Gates and his buddies are implanting chips into us to track and control us.

I don't want to be called a sheep and attacked and accused of making my child autistic because I have had all my vaccines, will give all my children vaccines, and have done so based on the opinion of well established and highly experienced medical and scientific advice. Similarly, I can't be quiet when I listen to people espousing this bollocks while rates of measles and other preventable diseases are sky rocketing, with a corresponding impact on children's health.

All this is subjective. I would attribute "crazy extremist, irrational, conspiracy theory, offensive views" as overwhelmingly a mark of the Left more than the Right.

Could you give some examples?

Is there a left wing equivalent of Qanon, for example?

I have absolutely no problem with right wing views when they are based on facts.

If we have different opinions on the same facts then I am very much comfortable - for example different ideas about what tax systems are the most efficient, how wealth should be distributed, how we should respond to climate change, the best response to immigration and the healthiest level of immigration for society, debates about gender identity and identity politics in general. I am more than happy with family members who are “pro-life” based on their beliefs about abortion, if they feel life starts at conception etc - all opinions, all fine.

However the problem with “right wing” these days is most of my relatives calling themselves “conservative” get their news exclusively from Fox News or from random YouTube channels, so their opinions are formed from fake stories and propaganda.

I don’t trust that we are working from the same universe of truth and time and again they will mention the facts that they’re working with to back up their theory and a quick google will show me that they’re simply wrong - the thing didn’t happen or they’ve got fundamental aspects of the situation wrong.

It makes healthy debate impossible as you spend the whole time having to verify what their opinion is based on and it’s usually not factual. I see it in real time in family WhatsApp, aunts posting YouTube videos saying “you must watch this” and it’s some insane “10 reasons climate change is a hoax” video probably funded by Russia. Or family members who have no understanding of international law and governance thinking the UN sustainable development goals are actually an “agenda” to steal private property. Just totally wacky stuff - people who don’t have enough education on a topic doing their own “research”.

Lovely weather we had today. I hear it is going to rain next week.

you don’t get to pick you relatives. Just keep the conversation light.

My advice:

Move and talk to someone else

Say "oh my gosh are we onto politics already? Well fall out at this rate - everyone knows you should never discuss politics or religion or money"

Variant on the above -
Say "I think all religions are bad and shall we talk about money now seeing as how we're doing politics, religion and money?"

Change the subject -
And how is little Lily doing with her new pre-school?

Or

Start banging on about your child - eg the details of how they are potty training or how their maths teacher isn't seeing them as the maths genius they really are.

"It's media lies having you on"

😂 that'll do it!