To ask how you deal with relatives with views very different to yours

[Sindymindy]

Some family members have views that verge on the ridiculous and are clearly driven by social media with some Fox and GM news thrown in. How do you deal with this ? It’s just constant nonsense and it’s draining !! Cutting people out isn’t an option; I just need to be able to tune it out !

Nothing because i'm more right-wing leaning and i'm more tolerant than most of people with left wing views who want to cancel or shut others down.

I tend to find more left-wing leaning people refuse to have civilised debate, which is what you should do rather than labeling them and having an adult conversation in an attempt to find some common ground and get along.

You haven’t stated exactly what their views are? They may well be racist and sexist or that might be your interpretation of them.
It’s unfortunately common nowadays to shut down any opinion that isn’t left leaning by branding it as racist or misogynistic when it may well be more nuanced than that.

But asides from this, I am not a fan with cutting people out of my life because they have opposing views to me because I don’t want to end up in an echo chamber myself. If it was me, I would try and engage in respectful debate with an open mind and you, or they, or both might actually learn something.

Of course, if they can’t or won’t engage in a respectful debate with you then that’s when you agree to disagree and change the subject.

Nonsense. Some " opinions" deny scientific fact. New Earth Creationism isn't as valid as evolution, for a basic example

But it's idiotic. Brexit has zero impact on Commonwealth immigration.

Some people think humans can change sex. It’s a mad mad world.

I go for the nod and smile, say "mmm hmm" and then gray rock.

Differences in opinion are what makes the world a more interesting place. I wouldn't expect to have the same views as some of my relatives, particularly those that are a different generation or culture. Their opinions are the result of their upbringing, their education, their experiences, their life - and mine are likewise - and we can both learn from each other. For me the key is looking at what we have that binds us together, the common ground.

Totally sympathise OP - I have this issue with some family members. In answer to all the posters squawking 'thought police' - I absolutely accept that they have different views and I don't think everyone should think the same way. In fact I go out of my way to read different opinions to mitigate against the echo chamber effect.

But, the thing I've noticed about the people in my wider family with a Fox News take on life and politics is that they seem absolutely desperate to engage with me on things they know we will disagree about. The same issues somehow always get raised within half an hour of them arriving in the house, I get sent links to 'news' on American evangelical platforms, petitions to sign etc. They are like heat-seeking missiles on this stuff, which makes it really hard to just chill and think 'oh well I'll just change the subject' because I just know they'll try and convince me of something that I 100% do not agree with every time. It's maddening and makes for tense times at Christmas

I clearly correlated right wing with toxic masculinity in my post so I think you may get what I mean but if not I’ll explain.

My dear MIL has quite conservative and relatively right wing views, that’s fine, we have different opinions. She is neither sexist or racist. My other family member has views that are less traditionally right wing and more unpalatable (to me anyway)

Yes this is exactly it. They are spoiling for an argument

This has not been my experience. I think there are people with both right-leaning and left-leaning politics who just go into a space feeling absolutely convinced they are right and wanting to just change everyone's mind. Generally they are the least informed.

I'm broadly left-leaning and have friends who are right-leaning and who I can have really good discussions with. Despite seeing things differently, we share the belief that it's important to take the time to read widely and consider different viewpoints.

The people who I find it really hard to have rationale debate with are the ones who form views on instinct, won't point to reputable sources because they "don't trust the news" and yet continually seek to convince me of their perspective with daft sources and hearsay.

There was a time when in social settings like family gatherings, or in the pub or at a restaurant, it was considered the social norm for three topics to be out of bounds - namely politics, religion and money.

Perhaps a return to this social norm would help to diffuse the situation, if necessary by setting out the expectation, "So folks, on Christmas Day, let's agree that politics, religion and finances are off the table" with a selection of deflection topics on hand for when needed, "I want to hear about Auntie Joan's trip to Barcelona, and the twins' football team and .... etc."

Does it really matter in the greater scheme of things? They are obviously not thinkers so treat them as such. Be polite, listen, say 'Oh, that's interesting' and smile. Then go home and make sure you don't see them too often. They won't change and why should you get hot and bothered over something that won't change.

I think this is an excellent idea

It's a nonsense to claim that all opinions are equally valid and deserving of respect. I have a cousin who believes that women should never have been granted the right to vote, that marital rape "isn't a thing", and that husbands should be allowed to beat their wives and children. I have another distant relative who believes that the earth is flat and that "the elites" are hiding the entrance to paradise behind a giant ice wall.

Nobody is entitled to have their views respected. Respect is earned, and if you subscribe to harmful, extremist and crackpot ideas then you"ll need to accept that other people will avoid, challenge or ignore you.

I was chatting to a colleague who was complaining about "2 tier policing" so
I lightly pointed out how the Nazis started and he moved on to how, as a middle aged, white male he was at a disadvantage and that people just saw that and didn't listen to them. There's no point, much of the time.

I have made up some conspiracy "facts" during a conversation with one enthusiastic relative. They scuttled off to Google and I went to bed.

Low contact. I have no energy or patience for that so see these kind of people on as needed basis (ie 1-2 times a year) and yes, some of them are my parents/ grandparents etc.
if I have to tune them out half or most of the time I’d rather not be there altogether

After many arguments I now just avoid it and swiftly change the subject if they bring it up. It used to drive be mad but I've just had to accept we are entitled to our own opinions, as awful as some of them are.

If it's conspiracy bullshit I laugh and say "you don't really believe that, do you?"

If it's my virulently anti-choice aunts and uncles I say "but, it's very easy to talk."

If it's anti-science BS in my area I enjoy myself thoroughly and then tell them they don't know what they're talking about.

The problem is, they end up not bringing up these subjects with me, but with family members who are more polite. It's fun while it lasts.

My dad can be racist about immigration. We're white British. He struggles when a family member brings a non-white partner into the family. He denies his grandchildren's black heritage. He thinks that Brits should be doing the jobs foreigners are brought in to do.

My DDs other Grandad, now passed, was the complete opposite and DD follows his example. When my dad starts up she rolls her eyes.

I shake my head and tut. I have challenged him before. I've asked him to stop reading certain newspapers and following certain actors on Facebook. He's knocking 80 now & won't change. So I continue to shake my head and tut.

yes. Your chart shows the right not moving at all?

Has it?

in what way is half the world evil, specifically?

Largely... ill-informed... gullible... A WONDERFUL phillipina nurse whom cared for my DP after major surgery last year was a massive fan off the (self confessed) murderous president of her country (www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-38337746). Was she evil, personally no (in my several days of appreciating the care she gave). Definitely supported someone evil though. Same with many Trump voters. Still not sure about your weird chart where the right doesn't go further right?

Smile, nod, drink up, get home, slag em off. How all family situations should be dealt with.