Is my kids club schedule too intense

[AlsIns]

So DD2 is 8, Y4. She loves being busy and I've more or less said yes to every club she wants to do. DD1 is 11 and has never done so many clubs.
Currently DD2's schedule is
Tuesday 5-6 - Tennis Private
Wednesday 3.30-4.30 - Piano Private (Straight from school)
Wednesday 5-6 - Ballet
Thursday 5-6 - Tennis Private
Saturday 9-11 - Tennis group session
Saturday - 1-2 Ice Skating 2-2-1 with a friend (Only October-April) Horse Riding 2-2-1 (April - October).

Generally on Saturdays the friends mum and I take turns on taking the girls and keep them until about 7pm, give them dinner afterwards.

About once a month, she will go to a full day tennis tournament on a Sunday.

My In-laws think this is way too intense and DD is going to burn herself out. I'm more on the side of DD is happy, school aren't worried and she still sees friends so non issue.

AIBU to think this schedule is fine? DD1 only ever did Piano and Performing arts from about 7 on, before the she did swimming too but both my girl stopped swimming around the end of Y2.

My kids are a couple of years younger and each do: dancing, football, gymnastics, tennis, swimming (one private and one group class). They've also just started a 4-week basketball taster class. In the new year we'll drop gymnastics.
I'm exposing them to a range of activities, and then they can choose what to continue with.

Mostly I think it's fine if it's her choice. My DD has had a club most days since a similar age and she is in college now and it is still the same and she loves it.

The only thing that stands out is she does something on a Saturday and Sunday so how do you have family days out? We kept DDs so we always had 1 day at the weekend to spend as a family. I understand your DDs like different things but do you do any family activies/ days out etc. I know everyone is different but we love them and find they really help create and encourage a bond between all of us, even siblings who have such different interests as mine are also completely different.

In my opinion, it's too much. Your kids may enjoy it but when do you spend time together as a family? I'm having a baby and the idea of throwing them into a club almost every day of the week just doesn't sit right with me...

I think if she's happy with them it's absolutely fine. What would the alternative be? If it's sitting at home, in front of a screen, then I think trying out activities at this age is much better. Some kids enjoy being very active

It does sound a lot

but yours sound like mine- DS never wanted to do much apart from karate and dropped swimming/piano/rugby sooner than I would have liked.

dd always did everything!

the only issue with doing everything was that dancing was so all consuming she didn’t find her passion (netball) until relatively late as she literally had no time she 9 when all the others started..

if she’s happy that fine. If tennis is her passion then focus on that

You’re allowed to say no!

The activities she’s doing are all pretty “ego centric” I’d be swapping out a tennis lesson for Brownies or similar

No it doesn’t have to be organised but many kids won’t do it if it isn’t.

I'm really struggling to see the issue with this. If your DD is enjoying it, which she is, and it's not negatively impacting her ability to socialise or chill out, which it's not. It's fine.

I will warn you though that as she gets older some of these activities will get later and that is where you might have a few problems. DD does a lot of dance classes which end "early" at 6pm. DS does his sport until 8:30 one night a week and next year, when he moves up an age group (he's 13 currently), I think it's something like 8:30 two nights or possibly one night is even 9:30. So you might find at that point you need ot dial it back - perhaps less on a saturday morning so there's time to chill/lie in. But for now, why not?

I also don't understand all the handwringing about not doing this stuff in the past. I went to private school, admittedly, but we had compulsory after school sport at least twice a week as well as regular clubs or other activities (mostly at school). It was completely normal to not get home until well after 5pm. Saturday morning was school sport. We went to church on Sundays and had church youth groups on Fridays and my siblings and I did scouts/guides until at least our mid teens.

I clicked on this thread hoping to finally find someone with as ridicolous a schedule as us. But actually yours doesn’t seem that bad and ours is pretty much a different level. Partly because my eldest is in a club that trains 4 times a week and we don’t want her to put all her eggs in that basket so are still encouraging other interests still (which she also wants to do). Although we have ditched drumming for a park play with friends and brownies will also be ditched soon as she’ll turn 10 and doesn’t want to go to guides. Plus we don’t have a car so we have to cycle everywhere which adds to the strain for sure.

I do worry I’m creating offspring that can’t be alone / need constant entertainment but I try to make sure each has one day at the weekend where they have no activities and can stay in their PJs all day and I don’t need to nag to get up / dressed / etc.

We also have no TV / screens during the week and one film max or an hour of Mario racing game max at the weekend so the plus side is they’re not going to waste their teenage years doom scrolling.

if the kids are keen to try an activity and we can make it work we will m… that’s my stance!

I think you know your children so you will know if it is too much for her or not. It sounds like she is enjoying it all at the moment. I am another one with an enthusiastic child who wants to do all the hobbies. She is 10 now and has always been like this. She currently has Wednesdays and Sundays 'off'. We have plenty of time for playing/ family time/ homework/ music practice.

I agree with you that it depends on the child entirely. If she's happy, you can manage it time wise/financially then why not? She'll surely let you know if she's not enjoying something and wants to stop.

My year 4 child has
Monday: sport 1, 90 minute training but travel to the next city by public transport takes her out of action from 4.45 - 7.45pm
Tuesday: sport 2, (1 hour), swimming class (30 minutes).
Wednesday: sport 3, 90 minutes
Thursday: music lesson (in school, praise be), brownies (1 hour)
Friday: sport 4

I'd like her to drop the music lesson (she's neither a natural nor particularly keen on playing, grumbles about practising but stubbornly refuses to quit) and sport 2 (she's not that enthused about going to training but loves winning competitions) but hopefully she'll decide to without me forcing her!

Another of my older children (upper secondary age) is a chronic quitter, the only thing they stuck with for more than a term was Beavers/Cubs/Scouts (which I hated as I had to help ;) ) but tried a bunch of different things and I'm glad they had the opportunity. They play 1 sport and train twice a week (more like once a week as their dedication is dictated by the weather) and plays a match once a week. I'd like them to do more; not as much as my youngest but there's a lot of hours in the day that could be spent more productively than rotting in their teenage pit!

I was accused of getting mine to do too much, 5 with 5ish hours of sport a week. Some kids love it, some don’t, as long as she’s happy thats what matters.

Loads of people complain kids don’t get enough exercise etc and when they do it’s too much. Mine likes the structure and competition of club settings. Plenty of playdates and parties etc.

All I thought was that you just be loaded 😂

If she’s happy then that’s what matters... But honestly I got tired just thinking about all of that ha ha ha

My kids do a lot. They are younger than yours

Dc1 (8): team sport twice a week (local club & school club)

• solo sport twice a week (club lesson& school club)
• private lesson instrument 1
• private lesson instrument 2 (during school) (daily practice for both)
• swimming lesson once weekly.

DC2 (6) : solo sport twice a week (club lesson& school club)

• private lesson instrument 1
• swimming lesson once weekly.
• swimming with me once weekly
• dance group (1 hour, covers ballet/modern/tap) once weekly.

None of it takes ages. The sports are saturday morning & done by lunch

They do it with friends and love it. None of it is pressured or competitive, its lots of fun

I also don't understand all the handwringing about not doing this stuff in the past

Im 40 and i did loads as a kid.

Swimming, ballet, 2 musical instruments + band, team sports in secondary.

I do think whats changed is the intensity to which some children do sports at younger ages. As a kid you did football once a week etc. Now kids do stuff 3/4 times a week & longer sessions, from younger ages. I dislike the over competitive element of that. My kids just do it for fun.

Same, I loved doing after school activities.
At 8 I did swimming, horse riding , brownies, drama and piano and violin lessons. Still felt like I had heaps of time to play (they were all within our village though so a 10 minute drive tops)

That’s far too much- they don’t have enough time to breathe and learn how to occupy themselves. I’d be worried about the impact of too much stimulating activity and would be saying no to some of it for their wellbeing.