Is my kids club schedule too intense

[AlsIns]

So DD2 is 8, Y4. She loves being busy and I've more or less said yes to every club she wants to do. DD1 is 11 and has never done so many clubs.
Currently DD2's schedule is
Tuesday 5-6 - Tennis Private
Wednesday 3.30-4.30 - Piano Private (Straight from school)
Wednesday 5-6 - Ballet
Thursday 5-6 - Tennis Private
Saturday 9-11 - Tennis group session
Saturday - 1-2 Ice Skating 2-2-1 with a friend (Only October-April) Horse Riding 2-2-1 (April - October).

Generally on Saturdays the friends mum and I take turns on taking the girls and keep them until about 7pm, give them dinner afterwards.

About once a month, she will go to a full day tennis tournament on a Sunday.

My In-laws think this is way too intense and DD is going to burn herself out. I'm more on the side of DD is happy, school aren't worried and she still sees friends so non issue.

AIBU to think this schedule is fine? DD1 only ever did Piano and Performing arts from about 7 on, before the she did swimming too but both my girl stopped swimming around the end of Y2.

It can be, but realistically with two working parents and the current attitudes towards kids playing outside many kids only get proper exercise at clubs.

For lots of kids the days of coming home from school and spending the next three hours playing out with friends are gone.

DD did a lot of clubs before and after school. If she didn't she'd have been in the after school club anyway as we worked. At least this way she was getting in some exercise, which was good given that PE was very limited in her school (1session a week).

I also don't think clubs have to lead to anything other than enjoyment. DD has been doing an hour of ballet a week since she was 7 (6 years). She's never done grades, it's just for fun and is social. I exercise for fun too, don't see why it has to be competitive unless that's what a child wants.

Its only about 8hrs of activities. There are 2-3 days with nothing. There is loads of free time.

I come from a country when you don't even start SCHOOL till the age of 6/7, I also did nothing at that age. We do what works for our children, but I have to say it feels odd to be one of the few parents who doesn't schedule every afternoon for their child. It is difficult to schedule playdates when my daughter's 6 year old friend has 1 afternoon a week free.

I think this schedule is brilliant and wish I had the funds to enable my DC to do more.
😊

How much piano practice is she doing? My kids are musical and I have deliberately not over scheduled them as I want them to have time to practice during the week (30 mins per day so it’s not loads).

Theres not much point learning the piano if you don’t practice it regularly - it’s also a very unsocial instrument (until you get seriously good). Most others you can play in an ensemble from fairly early on and learn lots of team and ensemble skills as well as having social opportunities.

Otherwise if she’s fitting everything in and enjoying it I don’t see a problem. All kids are different.

If she's happy then it's fine. My daughter has always done as much as she possibly can get me to agree to, my son is more of a home body and only likes to do a couple of things a week.

As long as she's asking to do them then it's ok.

I guess as well it depends how much travel time is involved ? If there's lots of time in the car to get to all of them it's not so ideal

I think this is ok if she wants to do it and if you can recognise if it's getting too much or she is comfortable enough to tell you.

My dd is nearly 11 and her hobbies used to be like this but over the last year she has slowly dropped quite a few and now only does horse riding and some school sports.

She does about 15 minutes in the morning with my mum and then on the no club days maybe another 20 with my mum after school. We don't have a piano at home right now so they have to practice at my parents.

Totally depends on the child: one of my kids would thrive on a schedule like this; the other would find it unbearable. Horses for courses 🤷‍♀️

All in our town so less than 10 minutes in the car apart from Ice Skating which is in the city about an hour away. However the girls love the time in the car, they sing together etc. so it's a non issue.

If she’s enjoying it I don’t see the problem. I loved clubs as a child and my schedule was similar. It was my choice and I enjoyed it. I’m grateful that my parents allowed me to have so many opportunities. I wish I had the time now for so many hobbies.

Yes that sounds like a fun way to travel

My DS is the same and it exhausts me but he point blank refuses to let anything drop. He's pushed for every class he does. Thankfully most are within walking distance of home so he's started getting himself to them.

Monday 6-7 jujutsu
Tuesday 4-4-30 saxaphone, 5.30-6 drums, 6-6.30 percussion ensemble
Wednesday 5-6 hiphop dance
Thursday 5-6.30 song writing and production
Friday 3-3.30 piano, 5-6 ice-dancing
Sunday 10-11 icedancing

At that age mine were doing - piano, swimming, dance and brownies. They maybe had something on 4/5 days out of 7. None of them longer than an hour and all of them chosen by them. They loved every one and would have been sad to stop. They didn’t go if they were unwell, too tired, or had a one off event to go to like a party. They saw plenty of friends and family.
When added up it was about 5 hours a week. That’s not a lot really out of 168 hours in a week.

Regardless of what your inlaws think, its what you and your DD thinks is what counts here, so school have no concerns, your DD is happy which should take priority and your inlaws suddenly decide its too much. If your DD was tired or wanted to stop one of the activities she would tell you herself.......talk to her, ask her how she feels and if she's happy then continue as before.

Now regarding your inlaws, just acknowledge their concerns, your children's wellbeing is your top priority always and if she is happy to continue with her activities, there is every reason to continue with them for the time being.

Don't accept interference from others.

The one thing I'd say is that there seem to be a lot of activities that she might strip out when she gets older and specialises a bit more, clearly tennis is her thing and a strength. I've only got experience of the music side really from doing it as a child, but an hour's private lesson seems quite long at the age for 15 minutes practice a day when you don't have a piano.

My son is a few years older but is the same. He says yes to everything. We check in frequently that he’s happy. He’s dropped the odd thing along the way so he knows he can but he’s just supremely enthusiastic.
I think sports and activites CAN be their downtime and they’re not looking for more cos they get down time playing football or dancing or whatever - it’s their way of relaxing.

Jeeso. That's a lot. But I was the same with my kids. A few years back we have 17 extra curricular clubs happening during the week spread out amongst my three kids.

Then my dad suddenly died. It made me reassess priorities and realise time spent as a family was more valuable.

We greatly reduced the level of clubs. Kept the swimming as that's non negotiable and each child chose one hobby. Rugby, football and Scouts endured.
Boys are happier now and not as exhausted and we manage to sit down as a family now a few times a week

I think it depends on the child. DD is 6 and has a pretty busy schedule too:
Mondays - Rainbows
Tuesday - After school club
Weds - Art Club
Thurs - Free
Fri - Trampoline Club
Sat - Swimming lessons

We are thinking of dropping the trampoline though as we are finding we are getting behind with school work so 2 free week day evenings would be better and also gives her the opportunity to have play dates.

Mine do 4/5 activities a week. One is swimming as I think they need to learn how to swim and the others things they have chosen to do. Surely those stuff like doing football are doing equally much (my DN trains twice a week plus usually matches both days at the weekend). I think they should have some free play time and have just moved a class so one day we have two but that gives us a few afternoon to chill at home after school and play but sounds like you have a fine balance of things and if she is happy with it then that is what matters. Also I don't think the team aspect is that important - one of mine cannot stand anything that is teamwork based and would hate it and they get the opportunity at school to do those kinds of sports and learn how to work together

It sounds like a lot to me. I wouldn't like that busy Saturday and wonder when you are spending time as a family? Is that on Sundays? Children are very different though, my children are homebodies and I have to push them to do any clubs.

And be bored and creating their own entertainment. I always said my children would do this as I had ZERO clubs or extra curricular activities. Whilst I wouldn't wish that on anyone and my family was lazy/alcohol dependent, I imagined a happy medium.

However, here I am, entertainment around the clock for our DCs. Not a dull moment and selfishly I prefer them out the house than in as it gets tense when everyone is indoors.

Both of mine do loads and enjoy it and rarely moan (approx 15 hours a week for the 10 year old and 11 hours for the 8 year old but this varies depending on the time of the year and what's on, sometimes it's much more and other weeks less).

They much prefer their extra curriculars to school, though they're doing ok at school. The children they get on with best and really bond with share their interests and are generally a nicer bunch so I just follow their lead.