Baby cried in public. Friend made me feel embarrassed.

[Mustard7]

I have a 6 month old. He cried briefly whilst I was out with some friends the other day. Namely because he head butted me and he is teething too. Plus, babies just cry sometimes. It was unexpected as my baby is usually so placid.

What did bother me was a ‘jokey’ comment from one of my friends - ‘OMG control that child’.

He was fine shortly after but perhaps a little bit wobbly. The same friend took him at one point and then hastily said ‘you can have him back’.

I can’t put my finger on why this has stuck with me but I can’t stop thinking about it.

This friend is going through a tough time herself at the moment. She’s one of my favourite people and I know would never intend to make me feel this way but I do feel judged. She cooed over my baby at different moments too but it’s probably human nature to focus on a negative comment.

Perhaps I need to look outwardly than inwardly.

AIBU to feel upset about this? Was my friend a little out of line or do I need to grow a thicker skin when she was clearly joking?

Babies cry. Your 'friend' is silly.

It sounds like she was just joking to me.

I would mention it to her if she's a true friend she wouldn't mind you asking and will answer your question. Personally she shouldn't have made that comment as it's a bit rude of her. I take it she doesn't have children, or just felt embarrassed whilst it happened outside in public. Either way it hurts your feelings so its best to ask her about it.

You're very much overreacting here.

I agree. That's what it sounds like to me too. You are being ridiculous.

I went out with a work “friend” for lunch (she’s 50) with my first born. She cried (was about 12 weeks old). the women said “get her to shut the fuck up”

needless to say we didn’t do lunch again. And she had three kids of her own!

For what it's worth, I don't believe you were either over or under reacting.

We are all different in our feelings.

If she's a very good friend, just tell her that her comment made you feel the way it did, and if indeed she is the friend you think she is, she'll hopefully tell you that she didn't intend to hurt you at all.
If she's not the friend you thought, she'll be dismissive, and likely make you feel worse.
So in either scenario, you can then go forward with or without this person in your life.

You'll likely get comments that you're over sensitive, and ask you if it's your first child, and that you need to grow a thicker skin.

I don't see why you should have to shrug it off, an ill considered comment is rude whether you are a first time mum or not.

Take care 🥰

Oh. My. God.
What a horrible person. 🤬
And you, just 3 mos pp having to hear that. 😔

You say she's a good friend and one of your favourite people so why would you think she wanted to upset you? It just sounds like a joke. She doesn't sound like someone who particularly likes babies, but not everyone does. I guess this is why people often gravitate to friends who also have children when they have children of their own.

The friend was speaking in a jokey way.
She is not comfortable or familiar with babies and made light of her own non coping skills.

Remember when you heard your own child, sounding like an alien, the first night it came home to live with you.

You are self conscious, understandably.
Babies do cry. You get better at pacifying the child promptly without feeling guilty.

Nah it's mean. I have had to work hard on not being really tense when my babies have cried in public. Feels like everyone is looking and I hate it, despite the fact I never judge other mums with crying babies and I know plenty of people don't. If a friend exacerbated that I'd be really pissed off. And the "you can have him back" comment is bitchy, who talks like that about someone's small baby?

I think the phrase 'control that child' is definitely irritating - as a whole raft of things go on with babies that you can't control. It's the nature of stuff.

Your friend is stupid - and made a silly joke. I would forgive and move on OP. The shoe may well be on the other foot when she has kids....

'You can have him back' is a perfectly normal thing to say when you are ready to hand someone's baby back.

Some people love babies and will happily hold them for hours. Some people aren't really interested and do it out of politeness. Some people feel awkward or worried that the baby is about to cry. Your baby is just 'a baby' to most other people. They don't love them like you do.

It's hard not to feel tense/uncomfortable when your baby is crying. Someone making a shitty comment is massively unhelpful.

Give me a minute while I find the off button
should shut your friend up next time.

Your friend verbalised what most people think (in some way/shape/form) when babies cry.

A bit clumsy, yes. Worth thinking about in the middle of the night? No.

And the ‘have him back’ thing? A complete non-issue.

A lot of people will say 'have them.back' when baby starts crying, I've heard it multiple times through the years. Heck I think I've even said it myself. It is just a light hearted way of handing baby back because we don't know what to do with baby crying and Mum/ dad knows. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Overreaction much 😳

she made a joke. It’s really not that deep.

With the "control that child" comment, where were you? If you were out for a meal did she mean you should've been leaving the table to soothe him outside?

Your friend is silly. It's completely normal for baybies to cry. If it really bothers you, maybe it's best to limit your interactions with her.

She won't have realised how hurtful it was, honestly. She'll get it one day. Try not to give it any more thought.

Exactly this. It has been proven many times that the sound of a baby crying stresses us out - it's a survival instinct to ensure we care for them. She isn't used to it and handled it in her own way as it made her uncomfortable. I wouldn't think anything of it.

Oh god I've definitely done the 'you can have her back'! Comment 😂

It sounds like a light hearted joke? I think this is more likely that you felt flustered with baby crying so didn’t take it well, but I wouldn’t stew over this. I highly doubt your friend actually meant ‘control your child’, isn’t that the point of the joke? If it was said as a direct imperative then yes that would be extremely odd but I doubt that was the tone?