To think DH’s lack of DIY skills should not have endangered my father?

[RussellJack]

As above, he is appalling at DIY but I trusted him to assemble some relatively simple ikea chairs. Tonight my elderly father sat on one and ended up lying on the ground because, upon examination afterwards, it had been missing a bolt.
What the hell does one do in this situation…DH is very kind to my parents and is a good man but his oversight could’ve really injured my father so I want to murder him but can’t murder him?!

How hard is it to build an IKEA chair properly?

I am confused as to why you both decided that DH was going to assemble a chair when he is shit at DIY. You should have done the chair and he should have done a job that suited his skillset.

apparently for my husband.. who can fix anything and is the handiest man I know.. very hard LOL.

It isn't hard at all. But that doesn't mean everyone is capable of doing it. I'm sitting on an ikea chair I assembled about 20 years ago!

Sorry but if you know from experience that he’s bloody useless, why don’t you just do it yourself?

Why keep on buying flat pack furniture if you know he’s crap at it? Just buy it ready made.

Have you SEEN the price of fully assembled dining chairs these days?!!

Your dh sounds like my stepdad

Stacks of furniture on Facebook marketplace or similar

Don’t shop at IKEA its not known for quality and longevity.

But have you also apologised for being in the wrong too by letting someone who you know is appalling at DIY do this job which you chose not to do purely because you do other stuff? Surely allocation by skills set is the way and you knew he didn't have the skills set.

Yes he should apologise but I think you should too, to your father for passing the job to someone you already knew wasn't up to it.

Do it yourself?
Buy ready assembled furniture?
Pay a handyman?

Not everyone is good at DIY!

Yes it was a big mistake but IME chairs are deceptively annoying and time consuming. I'm a fair DIYer, I can plaster, tile, build shelves from scratch etc. I hate doing flat pack chairs. Laugh this one off and promise to do the next 6 chairs yourself. They are a PITA. I'd much rather do a couple of Pax with all the gubbins.

I’ve no clue what Pax and gubbins are but that’s an interesting and practical perspective, thanks 😊

Pax is an Ikea product (not sure which one - presumably one of the more complicated items) and gubbins is just... gubbins.

Sorry. Massive IKEA flat pack wardrobes complete with however many self assembly drawers and fittings you care to fill them with. Looks so much more impressive. As you say, you understood my point however badly communicated!😀

I'm not sure why you expected him to something you know he's not great at, then moaned when he wasn't great at it?

I feel this is about more than a flat pack chair.

If your dh does not have the ability to do DIY then pay for a handyman(or woman) to come and do it.

I told my dh that he did his job which he was excellent at, and that is why we paid for decorators to decorate the house as tho he could decorate, it wasn't something he was good at. nor enjoyed.

It's not the best quality because it's not proper wood, but all my Ikea furniture is still going strong 20 years later.

Reminds me of someone we hired, he managed to put a small side table together with the top and bottom reversed and it wouldn't even sit flush on the floor because of a screw...he cared not and seemed to think it was the table's fault.

Unless you think this was a particularly half-hearted assassination attempt I’m not sure what else there is to do. Make sure your dad is ok, apologize that your furniture let him down, and move on. Next time there’s DIY stuff you do it and ask your DH to do something more in his wheelhouse, and/or find space in the household budget to reduce the DIY. I certainly wouldn’t volunteer to your dad that your DH had put the chair together, but would instead just take an “our home, our guest, our honest mistake” tact in the moment.

As for the defensiveness… there are a few things that contribute to defensiveness, often in combination: ego, insecurity, and apprehensiveness about the other party overreacting/harping/using it against you. It’s easy to get in a loop - person A is reluctant to admit fault, person B makes a big deal of it and is determined to get an admission of guilt, and person A becomes more resistant to letting their shield down in the face of perceived criticism… and the loop continues to get stronger. No one here can know which of those are in play, but your reaction in your initial post makes me wonder if some of that is happening in your relationship. People are ultimately more likely to apologize when they feel like the error will be quickly forgiven and not brought up again.

It sounds like you don't like him very much tbh.

I don't understand why you're so angry at him, he didn't do it on purpose and he only did it because you wouldn't do it. He's probably defensively because you're so obviously furious at him.

Sure, are these all flat pack items? Or do you mean things like sofas? Cushions? Whenever I visit our local dump, it’s mostly IKEA furniture being dropped, there’s a reason for that!

Knowing your dh was useless at diy I surprised you thought it was a good idea to give him the job and didn’t double check it. As we were not there, none of us know whether his defensiveness is down to you immediately blaming him as soon as it happened. I’d be blowed if I’d apologise if I was immediately rounded on for doing something wrong that my dh knew was out of my capabilities before giving me the task.