New partner wants to have Christmas lunch with Mum instead of me and my family

[Emsy999]

Can someone please tell me if I'm being unreasonable here please?

I've been with my new partner for almost two years now and up until 4 months ago we were doing long distance. Myself and my children have since relocated to her town where she lives with her two children (she shares joint custody 50/50 with her ex).

My family also live in the same town and we've been talking about Christmas Day and what we'll do. My partner said a few weeks back that her Mum and her partner were going to go out for lunch this year and that she'd be with me and my family for Christmas Day. My partners ex is due to have her two children Christmas morning and she's worried she'll be depressed around me and my children because she isn't with hers. She's told me this afternoon that her Mum has now changed her mind and that she will be cooking lunch and that she's invited my partner to spend it with them. My partner said that she hasn't made up her mind yet but she doesn't know how many more she'll get with her Mum (she's 62).

Am I being unreasonable to think that she should be wanting to spend our first ever Christmas together after all we've been through long distance and now finally together or should I be being more understanding in her wanting to be with her Mum instead of me and my children? She's commentated a few times how she struggles to be her happy self around my children when she's away from hers and I just feel like she's resenting me for being able to be with my children more. She's assured me this isn't the case but this latest Christmas thing is just more proof.

I've suggested her Mum and partner come here with all of us for Christmas lunch but she said her Mum is a bit of a control freak, doesn't like new people and wants to cook lunch herself. My family are all very welcoming and would invite the next door neighbour to Christmas lunch if they were on their own but I realise not everyone is like that.

I'm really not sure whether I'm in the wrong for feeling slightly put out by this today or not.

Any advice please? Thank you!

(The Christmas question is not in itself a big deal, if she was actually committed to the relationship it would be fine, but it sounds symptomatic of bigger problems.)

I guess you can't be in two places at once and neither can she. If both houses are close can't you split time on the day? Have a mini Xmas lunch at each home, or lunch at one and pudding at the other? Unless your partners mum is very unwell I'd say it's a bit unusual to phrase it like she doesn't know how many more will be left. Is there something she might not have told you about her mum's health?
Either way I hope you can find a way to be happy and if it means extending Xmas over a couple of days then I'd say that's fine. It's a much happier situation than the thousands of people who have nobody to spend the festive season with.

"She's told me this afternoon that her Mum has now changed her mind and that she will be cooking lunch and that she's invited my partner to spend it with them." What's the problem?? I presume this invite includes children? If that is not the case (not shared here) obvs different kettle of fish...

When my best friend lost both her parents suddenly I invited her to spend Xmas day with us but she said she would rather be on her own as being with my parents (as much as she loves them) would just remind her what she has lost.
that said I can see it from your perspective too