To struggle on this salary?

[Unfff]

Or more to the point… think it’s just not worth the hard work anymore?

Had enough. I earn 3,100 a month. My mortgage is 900 and car finance 300. Student loans 300. Nursery is 800 and I get 400 child maintenance. By the time I’ve paid bills… this months heating was 150! Water another 50. Phone bill and Netflix… I’m left with barely anything. My job is really full on and I work late or weekends often… I do t strictly have to but it’s the sort of job where you just do… otherwise things fall apart.

I don’t do expensive things. Can’t actually remember last time I went on holiday! AIBU to find it utterly miserable that taking home this much money means you still can’t just buy a coat or even new jumper etc without having to think twice?!

How old is your child?

You will soon have that extra £800 a month.

You’ll soon hopefully be able to the car finance payments too.

I do understand what you mean.
You get more money than me and I’m working very hard to try and earn a better wage but at the minute I’m basically working hard for nothing.
I’m weighing up whether to do a postgrad degree to up my earnings but then I’ll have to repay it.

If you’re really struggling, could you look into reducing your mortgage payments into your child goes to school?

In my circles £500 is a drop in the ocean.

It was a one off purchase that will last for a couple of years, I could have gone to Asda and spent £200 but it would not have lasted as long as the ones we have were cheap one from last year.

Calling people morons says more about you than me…

OP, how much is your take home pay? Is it 3100 after ALL payslip deductions or is it 3100 in your bank and then you’re somehow paying another £300 to student finance? 🤔

Single parents who have quite a decent pay don’t really fare well in the UK. They get little or no help and have to pay for most things themselves.

That’s why some just choose to live a slower life and limit their working hours or not work at all and stay at home with their kids until they’re at school. Or at least they used to when the old benefits allowed that (not sure how Uc works) - and in some ways I can’t blame them.

one massive issue is the non-resident parents ( fathers usually tbh ) not paying enough or anything at all. How much does he earn? Why is he only paying £400 towards his child?

It’s no secret that wages have not risen in line with cost of living since around 2010, so we are mostly all severely underpaid and it obviously got worse for some homeowners with the Truss government etc.

@Unfff I am in a very similar position to you (£3300 take home and £260 CM; £1400 mortgage and £500 nursery), and feel like I could have written your post. It’s so disheartening to feel like I’ve worked so hard to build my career to a pretty decent level but yet still feel like I’m constantly having to watch what I spend.

In my more positive moments I tell myself:

1. I should be proud of everything that I can give my DD - this is all down to the hard work I put in before having her. And this allowed me to walk away from an emotionally abusive relationship.
2. This really difficult financial period will pass - nursery fees will stop / come down, and I’ll have the option to take up FT again
3. By staying in my career I’m maximising my earning potential / future promotion opportunities rather than standing still or going backwards
4. I’m setting my DD a fantastic example of what can be achieved as a single woman. And even if she was a DS it would be setting him to hold women like us in high regard and respect.

Keep hanging in there, you’re doing a great job providing for your LO. You should be proud.

(now going to save this as a pep talk for myself in the future 😉)

OP you’re doing brilliantly andabsolutely hang on in there. You’re paying a mortgage (building an asset) and presumably paying into a pension (that asset will be worth as much if not more than your home at some point). This is an amazing investment in your future and that of your DC.

I have been where you are - 15 years on and I am glad I stuck at it. God knows where the time has gone, but it has flown by. We are more financially secure for those sacrifices. And my mum was right - those 0-5 years where I felt guilty/strung out/resentful that I couldn’t buy anything ‘nice’, she always said kids cost more and need you more when they’re teenagers. For us and our family, she was right.

@FirstTimer888 you make some really good points and yes you and many other single parents have a lot to be proud of!

Could I ask why does your ex only pays £260 maintenance? Is he on a NMW job? I’m just baffled by these super low maintenance payments.

Your salary is around 50k? Which is the equivalent to about 40k in 2020 and 27k in the early 00s.

I also spent, £400 on a tumble drier, fuel £150.

My point is that 1k is not a lot anymore and can easily be spent and have not much to show for it, the OP has come on to be meet with idiots saying she should be rolling in it.

Everyone is getting so worked up about £500 on bedding, that over 2-3 years is less than 75p a day.

I think people need a reality check and think that 1k is not a lot on food, clothes, days out, hair, and petrol for someone working hard as a single parent.

You've got a lot to show for it though! You've got fancy bedding and a tumble drier and fuel

Digging a bigger hole, I'm afraid. You're getting a tough time for sure, but seem to make it worse because the things you keep pointing out are essential...aren't. Only to you, because of the circles you live in.

Our duvet set from M&S (bought with wedding gift vouchers - we usually buy from Sainsbury's, Dunelm etc) cost less than £100. Going strong since 2008. Inflation means £100 isn't the same as then, but still way less. And if you choose enormous beds then enormous bedding costs come with that. Seriously, £50 (at a guesstimate for that size) from Dunelm would do you just fine for a good few years!

I get that you have the money to be able to spend that much on what you like, and don't blame you one little bit for doing so. But it really doesn't support your (not entirely inaccurate) statement that £1000 doesn't go far nowadays. In fact, it completely undermines what you say because you sound so out of touch with so many other people and their situations.

People really don’t understand how much wages have been devalued.

A couple of years? It should last longer than that at the price!

Home hairdressers where I live are about £180 for highlights and a cut, what I have quoted is for a hairdressers in a SE town outside of London.
Where do you live?

Same- I've got brushed cotton duvet covers from Asda and I absolutely love them. They feel so luxury. Would never buy from anywhere else.

We've all been there. Unfortunately this is the norm for so many with kids in nursery in the UK. It doesn't make it right, but it is so common. We had two kids in nursery at the same time under age 3, so didn't get any funding then, and despite earning a good salary I was losing money by going to work each day. We were basically hemorrhaging money. Still in debt from that. Worth it though - my career is great and we've almost paid off our debt. Once we have, we'll have lots of disposable income again. The nursery years aren't forever.

@Chetto thank you

It’s a combination of things - he has two other children from a previous relationship so obviously his total payment is (rightly) split between me and his other children’s mum. Plus he hides some of his income through self employment / owning a business. A real prince eh?

It’s really frustrating, but I don’t have the energy to fight it. I’ll just keep doing everything I can and anything I get from him is a bonus.

If a child had grown he can survive living in a pair of school shoes and joggers 🤣 obviously that's not going to happen every month but these things will hit at some point. And certainly not organic or designer clothes, I'm talking asda and next. Several pairs of joggers and jeans, some jumpers, trainers, wellies and a new winter coat for this year

Oh and a non essential jumper for Christmas jumper day at school.. god forbid

I am not out of touch, just lucky that we can afford things to a certain extent.

£150 on fuel, £400 on a tumble drier, is over half of OP budget for the month not including food, and other items.

Your £100 bedding set from 2008 will cost you £167.81 with inflation today, I purchased 2 sets plus fitted sheets.

I think you should actually work out what things cost in real terms today… wages have not kept up, and yet you call me a moron…

I can well imagine bills adding up to £1k, our council tax and energy combined is £500 and then water etc on top. Unfortunately you just have to swallow the nursery fees and just think when they are at school you will be £800 per month richer ☺️. Also the car finance? We just buy second hand but buy outright…do you have savings to do that?

@TheSpoonyNavyReader I think they mean out of touch as in people are aware how expensive stuff is
But I don't have that money to spend on bedding or fuel or a tumble dryer, and £1000 is a lot to me because that's more than half my wage
So it's not a choice for me to spend that amount on fuel or bedding because I can't

Could you get a live in nanny/ au pair to cut down on childcare costs or rent a room to make some money? Sorry things are so hard for you OP sounds really tough

You must be on plan 2 rather than plan 1? It varies depending on what year you took your loan out. On plan 1 you’d be paying back more.

Once you get past 40k to the 50-60k mark, the change to your bank balance is hardly noticeable on a month by month basis once you take out pension, taxes & student loan.

@TheSpoonyNavyReader I also live just outside an SE town outside of London. The town is half an hour away from London by train. I can fully believe paying over £300 for a cut and colour though. Some salons round here charge that! I just could never afford that. Our bedding was £25 from Sainsbury's and has lasted 3 years so far. I didn't realise M&S did such high end bedding!

It's hilarious that on a salary of approx £50k plus £400 child support, and i think its hilarious to be that well off and OP is looking at UC. People on half that can't get much UC because of the cap.

She perhaps could utilise TfC

Based on OPs own figures she has £1000 pcm left after bills. And one of those is student loan which is likely taken from her wage before she gets her £3100 net pay.

The truth is we're all in a cost of living crisis but to have £50k+ salary, be single with a mortgage and car is quite a privileged position. The answer is the same as the rest of us budget. Set aside some of that £1000 after the listed bills for that jumper.