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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want clean bedsheets?

81 replies

traffichater1 · 17/11/2024 12:40

Am I overreacting about this? So I’m not a germaphobe but I can be a bit funny about touching people and body contact with people generally - unless it’s my partner or DS.

My partner has stayed at mine all last week. His friend was travelling to the area and needed somewhere to stay so he left his keys for him and his friend stayed in his bed for maybe one or two nights. I’m not so sure. Yesterday my partner went back home and I followed him a few hours later. When I arrived, I asked him if he changed the bedsheets since his friend slept in them and he said that he did however I couldn’t see the old bedding that he would’ve taken off anywhere and it wasn’t in his washing machine. His wash basket is in the bedroom so I would’ve seen the bedding in it without having to dig around. So to sleep, I didn’t get underneath the covers and instead used an old blanket of mine which I’d bought over to his house a while back. My partner didn’t question this. He just every so often would make sure I’m covered by my blanket. Which indicates to me that he actually didn’t change the bedsheets because if he had he would’ve been insistent get into the bed as it’s clean bedsheets. I think it’s gross that he’s happy to sleep in bedsheets that his friend has slept in, however it’s his friend so he can do what he wants but for me that’s like sleeping in a hotel room that hasn’t been changed since the previous guests.

I’ve left now, but sent him a message saying that it bothered me. He hasn’t replied, but I’m curious to know if other people would have felt the same as me.

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 17/11/2024 14:54

does he have spare bedding??

FishOnTheTrain · 17/11/2024 14:56

disgusting, I’m with you OP. I would be so grossed out that he could be ok with sleeping in those bed sheets.

FupaTrooper · 17/11/2024 15:41

He lied to you about something he knows is important to you.

janeavrilavril · 17/11/2024 16:30

traffichater1 · 17/11/2024 13:21

@Lourdes12 same - my sheets I can on occasion take a while to change them, I didn't even mind my partner taking a while as long as they don't smell. but if someone else has slept in it, it totally changes it all for me. I couldn't even sleep in unwashed sheets that my mum has slept in, and that woman birthed me.

gave birth to

pumpkinpillow · 17/11/2024 16:34

janeavrilavril · 17/11/2024 16:30

gave birth to

What's wrong with "birthed me"?

notatinydancer · 17/11/2024 16:48

We have a LOT of guests. Always change sheets in between.
Always ask guests not to strip beds as we may not do it that day and want to keep track of which bedding on which bed.

mewkins · 17/11/2024 16:49

Lairymary · 17/11/2024 13:09

The evidence..... no dirty sheets to be seen.

Quite. She doesn't trust him because he lied.

Lyannaa · 17/11/2024 16:50

YANBU - it's not a family member of his and a lot of people sleep naked. I would want clean sheets.

Redlorryyellowcar · 17/11/2024 17:18

I always always would want my own clean sheets

graduand · 17/11/2024 17:32

I would have gone home! Awful. Disgusting. Yuck.

toomuchfaff · 17/11/2024 18:02

Forget the scenario, plain and simple if he told you he had changed the sheets and hadn't, then it's a lie. Plain and simple. Whether he thought you'd over react or not, whether he was justified or not. For me it's the lies

Makingchocolatecake · 17/11/2024 18:22

I think it's gross but acceptable if he sleeps on the side his friend was in. If the friend was only sleeping in there a night or two.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 17/11/2024 18:22

I don't think there's anything weird about not wanting to share bedsheets with some man you are not close to in any way. (Also nothing weird in not minding; but a lot of folk would, not just you).
It's not great that DP lied about having changed the sheets, and personally I would be much more bothered and annoyed about that.

Hankunamatata · 17/11/2024 18:26

The sheets wouldn't bother me as much as pillow case. I don't even let kids of dh sleep on my pillow. I don't want to lie on someone else's drool

ExtraOnions · 17/11/2024 18:35

I‘m a bit “meh” .. not great, but wouldn’t bother me too much

I can’t get over someone being so anxious and stressed about it, and sleeping with a special blanket ..it’s bizzare

KarlaKK · 17/11/2024 18:47

I wouldn't have slept in the sheets either. I think the OP must be annoyed with herself even doing what she did - I would be. A man slept there. He might not have had a shower that day, he might have slept naked after having a poo and not wiping properly. Dribbles of urine from his penis might have been on the sheets plus dandruff on the pillow. He might have cheesy feet or athlete's foot. I'd be so annoyed if they hadn't have been washed. Whoever says you're hard work is an idiot and/or disgusting. I wouldn't dream of letting someone sleep in someone else's sheets.

BurntBroccoli · 17/11/2024 20:49

Definitely not being unreasonable. People sweat and drool at night and there may be other bodily deposits.
I wouldn't have slept in them either.

DuesToTheDirt · 17/11/2024 21:12

I'm no germophobe, but I wouldn't want to sleep in the same sheets someone else had used, except maybe my children. Even if they'd only been in there one night.

Fifthtimelucky · 17/11/2024 22:20

I'd be very happy sleeping in a bed that certain friends or close family (sisters and daughters) had slept in.

I would not sleep in a bed that my husband's friend had slept in, especially if I thought that he might have been naked.

AncientBallerina · 17/11/2024 22:27

I’m pretty lax about germs etc but I can smell if someone else has slept in the bed and it makes me feel sick. Fine if it’s close friends or family but someone I didn’t know I wouldn’t be able to tolerate.

BettyBardMacDonald · 18/11/2024 01:05

KarlaKK · 17/11/2024 18:47

I wouldn't have slept in the sheets either. I think the OP must be annoyed with herself even doing what she did - I would be. A man slept there. He might not have had a shower that day, he might have slept naked after having a poo and not wiping properly. Dribbles of urine from his penis might have been on the sheets plus dandruff on the pillow. He might have cheesy feet or athlete's foot. I'd be so annoyed if they hadn't have been washed. Whoever says you're hard work is an idiot and/or disgusting. I wouldn't dream of letting someone sleep in someone else's sheets.

This x1000.

That her boyfriend thought it was even remotely ok is disrespectful and disgusting.

Aroastdinnerisnotahumanright · 18/11/2024 02:38

Another lazy man who can't even do the basics!

Honestlyhon · 18/11/2024 02:47

It’s absolutely disgusting not to change sheets in between guests and I’m in disbelief people think that that is ok behaviour.

Lostsadandconfused · 18/11/2024 03:22

I wouldn’t want to sleep in the bed either.

I’d have an issue about my partner lying about this though, and being so lazy.

Christy135 · 18/11/2024 03:33

No, it feels wrong to me.
In my house there would have been clean bedding for the friend, which then changed to clean again.

I can share bedding with my husband and children. Friends is a no no.

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