To want clean bedsheets?

[traffichater1]

Am I overreacting about this? So I’m not a germaphobe but I can be a bit funny about touching people and body contact with people generally - unless it’s my partner or DS.

My partner has stayed at mine all last week. His friend was travelling to the area and needed somewhere to stay so he left his keys for him and his friend stayed in his bed for maybe one or two nights. I’m not so sure. Yesterday my partner went back home and I followed him a few hours later. When I arrived, I asked him if he changed the bedsheets since his friend slept in them and he said that he did however I couldn’t see the old bedding that he would’ve taken off anywhere and it wasn’t in his washing machine. His wash basket is in the bedroom so I would’ve seen the bedding in it without having to dig around. So to sleep, I didn’t get underneath the covers and instead used an old blanket of mine which I’d bought over to his house a while back. My partner didn’t question this. He just every so often would make sure I’m covered by my blanket. Which indicates to me that he actually didn’t change the bedsheets because if he had he would’ve been insistent get into the bed as it’s clean bedsheets. I think it’s gross that he’s happy to sleep in bedsheets that his friend has slept in, however it’s his friend so he can do what he wants but for me that’s like sleeping in a hotel room that hasn’t been changed since the previous guests.

I’ve left now, but sent him a message saying that it bothered me. He hasn’t replied, but I’m curious to know if other people would have felt the same as me.

I'm the least germophobic person there is and I often sleep in bed sheets that my own adult dc have slept in for a night when they've stayed over as I can't see the point in changing them after one night. But this was a random bloke you don't know, so that's completely different!

Yes I am annoyed about the potential lying. He did reply back and said that I'm wrong about it, and I responded with not seeing the dirty bedsheets. I'm waiting on his reply. I'm intrigued to know if he will say they were in the washing machine - I actually looked in the kitchen and could see that the washing machine was empty.

And I have met the bloke that stayed in the bed a few times, and I don't like him very much, so maybe that's why this is such a big deal to me. Actually no, I would be the same about anybody lol, but it certainly doesn't help.

Yes I would need clean sheets, but even more than that I need a partner who doesn't lie to me. People who lie about the small unnecessary things lie about the big things.

How do you know he hadn't washed the sheets and put them back on the bed? I can wash and dry bedsheets in a couple of hours easily.

@coffeesaveslives he doesn't have a dryer so the clean sheets would have been hung up somewhere, which they weren't.

I really sound like a private detective in this circumstance lol but it's really gross to me. Even when he said he was letting his friend sleep in his bed, I felt off but it's his house and his friend he was helping out.

I'll sleep in my own sheets for a week before washing them.
I'd sleep in my little kids' beds, not my adult sons. I'd sleep in my sister's sheets.
Anyone else....no way.

The lying would be the worst thing though.

I think it's very easy to tell if a bed is freshly made with linen straight from the dryer.

@traffichater1 fair enough - I'd find that gross too if they definitely weren't changed.

Then OP would have known as soon as she got in the bed, so could have asked to change them if it was a problem?

Yes I'd need clean sheets and especially a clean pillowcase. But either the lying, or the mistaken accusation of lying, is the issue.

I'm with you OP, but I wouldn't have stayed if I thought this was the case!

I would feel the same as you OP.I am not a Clean freak ,but would not want to sleep a bed another person has slept in.Bed Bugs have apparently enjoyed a comeback .Lots of low heat, short washes ,I always tumble dry hottest setting .

Gross. There is no way I'd sleep in used sheets. His not changing them AND lying about it is a character flaw that would be a dealbreaker for me.

I’m not particularly fastidious, and I leave my own sheets longer than I should really, but I think it’s disgusting to not change your bedding after someone other than your partner had slept in it!

No, he should be apologizing to you.

Are you young? Never apologize to a man for having boundaries and standards!! Never. Clean sheets are a rock-bottom basic of a civilized household. If he couldn't take 10 minutes to make the bed clean and nice for you, he's a loser with no respect for you.

You don't sound like hard work @traffichater1. You sound like someone who feels sqeamish about sleepiin in the same bedsheets as some random bloke. Whom you don't even like.

Your boyfriend knew you were uncomfortable about it, he knew he was being a slob by not having washed the sheets, so he took the easy option and lied.

Don't let him, or anyone else on here, gaslight you into thinking you are the odd one.

It is gross beyond measure. Yeuch.

Also I just want to say, the posters saying "oh it's fine, you sound like hard work" etc.

It's a possibility that they could be the same posters on the threads that have appeared here over the years asking people to confess to habits they would not want anyone to know about. People come on saying they never wash their hands after using the toilet (after Covid, one of these threads was), they wear the same underwear for days, they don't shower very often, all sorts. Very little shocks me now but some of it I found shocking. They seemed almost proud of it , too.

I'm just pointing out that you have no idea what the these responders standards of hygiene are. Though obviously we have a pretty good idea. .

This. Some people live like barnyard animals. Or are such desperate doormats they would put up with anything from a man, no matter how low.

Have standards, women.

Thank you to those who are making me feel better about this. I do have high standards with some things and get the ick easily but, I'm not a neat freak in my house or OCD. I did apologise to my partner for being extra about this but in hindsight, like a PP said, I shouldn't be apologising about this. And if I found out he lied, I'd be really pissed off. Waiting on him to reply still.

I wouldn't care about having clean sheets personally, but it would bother me that my boyfriend lied about it rather than saying "no I haven't changed them, I'll do it now if it bothers you".

But BF had already told her they were clean so it would have raised the trust issue, which IMO is the main problem.

I think he'll gloss over it rather than be caught out in a lie. What other explanation could there be? He is manipulative and untrustworthy.

Oh absolutely, he's a liar, but I would have been quite happy to say "oh come on Bob, I'm not stupid, these are the same sheets from X and they definitely don't smell clean - stop being lazy and let's change them before bed".

Ah right. Yes I would have done the same as you. OP doesn't have that confidence for whatever reason.