The lamb steaks …

[4seasons]

My DH has just asked me if I “ have any thoughts “ about dinner tonight. I am sitting comfortably looking out at the garden and yet went from relaxed to very irritated in microseconds ! I asked for his suggestions and he said “ lamb steaks “. Just that. He obviously had a mental picture of a dinner he wanted to eat but of course hadn’t thought any further than this because obviously I was the one who would plan and execute the cooking. So … that’s part of my day sorted then .. peeling , chopping, cooking etc. He’s a brilliant bloke in many many ways … married for over 50 years , 2 middle aged kids. So why has this irritated me so much ? Can anyone articulate this to me ? I have been planning , shopping , cooking for family and extended family for a long , long time and am sick of the concept of “ the meal “ If I was on my own I’d probably have soup or a boiled egg .. but each day there has to be a “ proper “ meal for “ the man “. You know , meat / veg / gravy etc.!! What is it with men and a “ proper meal “?
I’m calming down now and I know I really am being unreasonable to be internally screaming about this but next time he says “ lamb steaks “ that’s what he’s getting… a lamb steak slapped in the middle of a plate and nothing else !!

Honestly, you sound a bit of a martyr OP.

I'm the cook in our house (I'm male). I do proper meals for the family 4 nights a week. DD will quite often do one one night a week. The other two nights we're either out, get a takeaway, sort ourselves out or DP will make something (usually pasta and sauce out of a jar, or something equally simple. Which is fine, I enjoy cooking, she doesn't.)

DP knows what days I plan on cooking. If she asks me what's for dinner on the other nights my reply is likely to be "Fuck knows". If she then suggested Lamb steaks, my reply would be "Looking forward to them", and then when they didn't materialise I'd make myself beans on toast.

Your husband is placing this extra work on you because he knows you'll do it. Stop it. Giving yourself the bigger piece isn't a win, it's the bare minimum.

I knew there were going to be people here saying OP isn't doing well enough. Can we try to remember that she is taking the first small steps to break free of a lifetime of gendered social conditioning (for her and her DH), and change the patterns of a marriage that has so far lasted more than half a century - and recognise that Rome wasn't built in a day?

I'm sure it is generational.

My dad is in his 80s. He has always been able to feed himself but when my mum was terminally ill my dad was invited to a course run by the hospice for men 'of a certain age' to learn to cook.

Then as my mum was getting worse he did most of the cooking. He went from making steak and chips to home made ratatouille on garlic bread.

OP how about asking him that if you 'go' first what will he do? Then get him cooking / meal planning.