The lamb steaks …

[4seasons]

My DH has just asked me if I “ have any thoughts “ about dinner tonight. I am sitting comfortably looking out at the garden and yet went from relaxed to very irritated in microseconds ! I asked for his suggestions and he said “ lamb steaks “. Just that. He obviously had a mental picture of a dinner he wanted to eat but of course hadn’t thought any further than this because obviously I was the one who would plan and execute the cooking. So … that’s part of my day sorted then .. peeling , chopping, cooking etc. He’s a brilliant bloke in many many ways … married for over 50 years , 2 middle aged kids. So why has this irritated me so much ? Can anyone articulate this to me ? I have been planning , shopping , cooking for family and extended family for a long , long time and am sick of the concept of “ the meal “ If I was on my own I’d probably have soup or a boiled egg .. but each day there has to be a “ proper “ meal for “ the man “. You know , meat / veg / gravy etc.!! What is it with men and a “ proper meal “?
I’m calming down now and I know I really am being unreasonable to be internally screaming about this but next time he says “ lamb steaks “ that’s what he’s getting… a lamb steak slapped in the middle of a plate and nothing else !!

My DH would probably say lamb steaks/chops too as it's his 'last supper' meal - along with mashed potato and peas! 🤣

But, although he might ask the meal question, he'd be in no doubt he'd be cooking it!
It's just the thinking ahead/planning he's not very good at.
He's more of a "what's for tea" at 5pm type planner than a "what shall I get out of the freezer to defrost the night before/1st thing person".

I've tried to train him, especially now he's retired but it's a long, slow process. There are many other bits of retraining to do too!

I feel your pain OP. Even the best of men (my DH included, most of the time) see the woman as default kitchen person. My own DH will help me by doing whatever I ask him to do and can't understand why that's so annoying. I agree with other replies, tell him it's cheese on toast for dinner. Yum yum yum 🥰

A situation of my own making … mmm.. food for thought ( no pun intended) And probably absolutely correct. Ditto the comment re me sitting relaxing and needing to be “ doing something “.
I find the older I get ( and the more I read on Mumsnet ) the more combative I’ve become. As if my eyes have finally been truly opened. I would imagine , if I’m being fair , that he feels the same way … I’m not perfect . I’m certainly lazier now that I’m retired after a long and hard career.
Yesterday I picked up a pair of plain black trousers in M&S and was about to buy them when he said “ yet another pair of black trousers “.I asked him how many I had and he said he’d count !! I found myself hissing “ I’ll buy what I want ! Don’t need to run it past you .” I felt furious .. came out of nowhere. Now I find myself looking for other controlling behaviour. This isn’t a good feeling and the “ lamb steaks “ has put the tin lid on it !
Dear god , I am becoming a harridan.

"Why you?" Because you choose to.

I don't, my DH and I cook and meal plan equally.

If you don't want meat, two veg and gravy, don't make it. Tell him to make it himself or make yourself something else.

You don't automatically owe your husband a British dinner.

This is a weird one to snap on. If he'd randomly said " I really fancy Indonesian Rijstafel" then that would involve spending a full day prepping and planning. But lamb steaks involves one decision "mash, new potatoes or roast?" and opening the fridge/freezer/larder to see what vegetables are in there and whether you CBA to do anything more fancy than frozen peas.

By all means pass the potato decision and prepping on to him though.

Of course you don't have to do anything of the sort. You say 'I'm sure they've got it all in hand. I'm not going to be interfering, it's their house. I'm looking forward to someone else worrying about all that for once. Whatever they've planned I'm sure it will be delightful' and cut that shit off at the knees.

I'm wondering if you're my mum! 🤣

My dad insists on a proper meal every night. They love each other very much - and I love then both - but I can't bear to watch her serve his every need way into her 70s.

Having said that she's barely had to work in her adult life, whereas I'm running myself ragged trying to pay my half of the bills while raising children etc. Theres no right answer really

Embrace your new awakened self.
He'll survive with eggs and beans for dinner if that's what you want to cook.

I feel like this already and I'm only 42! Hate the brain space food takes up every single day

Men like this are entitled wankers and only seem to worsen with age.

If he's suggesting it he cooks it

Saw this on instagram and it made me laugh - why is marriage hard - food.
https://www.instagram.com/p/C_-fo_YO95x/

Oh god … the Instagram thing is brilliant!!! Yes , yes , yes !!!
Particularly the word “ relentless “

You say he pulls his weight. Is there a way you can share the cooking (alternate days?) and in return you alternate days on one of 'his' jobs? Just explain that you're really really fed up of cooking and need a break from it. If he refuses/makes excuses then start off with alternate days having soup/a sandwich/boiled egg etc. If he moans he'll have to go hungry or will end up cooking for himself anyway.

@daylilies thank you !! 🤣

Sorry OP but limited sympathy from me too. This could all be solved with a calm conversation. Your martyrdom doesn’t need to continue.

I love food and cooking but it is relentless and sometimes when I am on my own I do stand over the sink and eat of a packet ....

so then your counter to that is "I'm having beans on toast" and leave it at that. Unless his idea sounds tasty, and you then say "great, what are you making to go with it?"

In reality you need to have a conversation about this, if it's irritating you.

It makes sense to eat messy things over the sink. I ate a mango in the bath once.

If you don't own any lamb steaks at this point on a Sunday, the butchers are all closed so you are (he is) going to have to get them from a supermarket. They quite often have them in the M&S Dine in for £15 offer so why not send him there to get the Gastropub meal deal (if they don't have any lamb left they're bound to have something else he likes) - the beauty of which it's all simple enough stuff for him to cook them himself, which is then a gateway for him cooking regularly from now on.

I know EXACTLY what you mean OP. Interrupted your thoughts with boring shit about an effing dinner with the expectation that you’ll be cooking it. I often think there’s so much more to me than being the one who cooks the dinners. Shut up about it and let’s do something exciting

Weirdly Op I have this problem in reverse, my DP cooks and gets unhappy when I say I'll just have soup. I have no idea why

If you are away in someone else's house, wint they will be doing the bulk of the meal planning? Helping out on the day, sure, everyone can pitch in, but the planning isn't down to you.

Tell your husband you have no idea what you will be eating the rest of the time, but it's not your problem and you are very much looking forward to not having to base your whole day around what is for dinner.

And repeat when appropriate.

As I read this thread I asked my husband what he fancies for dinner tonight. The answer? Fish.
I am now sharing your irrational (rational?!) rage

Hang on, your major complaint here is that you don't want to have the relentless task of Thinking About and Planning the meals. He's thought about it and come up with a plan. Surely that's a good thing?