I know I need to stop

[AlwaysRight1985]

Pining for my first love....and I'm 38

We were together aged 18-21, I was the ultimate PITA diva with him because I never knew how to regulate my emotions or behaviour and I'd never known what a real relationship should be like (hello ASD diagnosis at aged 35 and abusive childhood)

I ended it, I wasn't thinking straight but when I realised that he'd already met the woman that he went on to marry. Last I'd heard was they were potentially splitting due to different opinions on kids but that was years ago.

JFC how do I get over him?

If you work it out please tell me, I'm not over the one that got away even though (and possibly because of) I was the one who fucked it up, although equally it wasn't my fault I was in a very bad place at the time

Maybe it’s not over between you.

Everyone has their one that got away

But how will I ever know or find out

So just thought I'd provide an update as I'm hoping that the universe does indeed work in mysterious ways.

I have a part time job in a local sports club, got roped into it by family who play there as they were really really short staffed and I worked a bar in a former life (it's literal pocket change that I don't need but it's sometimes sociable and keeps me out of trouble).

We rarely ever host parties that aren't someone from the club or a member of their family. However, tomorrow night I've been asked to work a Christmas party... it's only for the place where my ex works!!!!

Tbh I don't think he'll be there as he's never been much a party person, plus they're only expecting 40-50 people when it's a large secondary school so nowhere near all of the staff, AND I would have to hope he's also separated/divorced but.... you know...

Difficulty may be getting myself to look my best when I'm already working my other job 9-4 and then 6-11pm!

Good Luck OP