To think that there’s such a thing as a “semi-planned” pregnancy

[YankSplaining]

When I got pregnant with my first baby, my husband and I were not trying to conceive at that exact time. However, we were going to start trying to conceive in another few months.

Whenever people talk about pregnancies being planned or unplanned, I feel like neither term is really descriptive of that situation. Technically it was unplanned, but when people say they had an “unplanned pregnancy,” the connotation is that they got pregnant at a time when getting pregnant wasn’t in their imminent plans. It feels weird saying I had an “unplanned pregnancy” - like I was a teenager who wasn’t planning to get pregnant for at least ten years, or a woman in her forties who mistook her pregnancy for early menopause, or a childfree woman who was never planning to get pregnant at all.

Imperfect analogy, but let’s say it’s your birthday and you’re planning to go out in a few hours and buy yourself a birthday cake. Then your family comes in with a surprise cake. It’s not like you weren’t planning to have a birthday cake - you just weren’t planning to have one at that exact moment.

AIBU to think there’s a gray space between “planned pregnancy” and “unplanned pregnancy”?

But were you having unprotected sex?

An unplanned pregnancy to me is one when at least one partner wasn't expecting it. Or the very very rare case when one happens despite contraceptive.

Mine were similar. Unprotected sex not particularly minded when/ if I got pregnant.
I'd say we weren't actively trying, not having sex every day or charting/ testing every month etc.
But it definitely counts as planned if you're having unprotected sex intentionally.

There are unplanned pregnancies, where conception happens despite trying to prevent it.
Then there's the "careless" stage... not actively trying, but not taking precautions seriously as you don't mind pregnancy
The no precautions type

Then the actively trying, with tracking fertility etc.

If you are having sex and you aren’t using contraception then I don’t think you can call it unplanned or anything in between. You are literally doing the one thing that is universally known to result in pregnancy.

Back in the early 90s when I was ttc, “actively trying” didn’t mean charting and testing, it just meant stopping contraception and more sex. The charting and testing came in if it hadn’t happened within a normal timeframe. Do people really start with the testing immediately they start trying these days?

I think there are contraception methods and contraception methods. So at times in my life where I have absolutely not wanted to be pregnant I used both a hormonal method and a barrier method. And at other times we’ve used no hormonal contraception and either pull out or condoms - because getting pregnant wouldn’t have been a disaster.

I think a better analogy would be if you started eating smaller portions and lost weight, but claimed that you weren’t trying to lose weight so it was accidental. Despite specifically doing something that is known to lead to weight loss.

I really don’t think it matters. You don’t have to give it a label. You’re pregnant and happy about it. That’s great.

Unprotected sex can end in pregnancy.
Therefore if you have sex you can get pregnant.
This whole actively trying thing is weird to me......do you try and have sex just a bit more active?

Nah it's unprotected sex!
If people want to do temperatures/pee on sticks etc crack on....but at the end of the day it's unprotected sex and having it frequently.

This is someone who took 2.5 years to conceive the first time and now our daughter is 5 and still no sniff of pregnancy...I couldn't live my life in the 'actively trying' crew!

Having unprotected sex and getting pregnant is a planned pregnancy. Like getting in the car and driving to McDonalds is a planned trip to McDonalds. You know the outcome, and you didn't do anything to stop it.

If you are knowingly having unprotected sex, it’s a planned pregnancy and you’re trying for a baby, whether that’s passively trying or actively trying.

If you are taking steps to avoid sex leading to pregnancy, it’s an unplanned pregnancy.

I agree if you weren't using contraception it was planned or irresponsible. If you had a contraception failure but are now pleased then I guess a happy accident. But not sure why this bothers you? Don't think I've ever told anyone that my pregnancies were planned or otherwise.

I think there's a middle ground yes. There are people on here who'd say any time you're not actively using contraception, you're trying. But people sometimes confuse genuinely held belief with sensible belief, and they're not the same thing.

Having had one conception where we were being careless, I did genuinely think it'd be ok. Cycle just turned out to be different to what I'd thought. The intent wasn't there though, so if I was ever under oath I'd say no we weren't trying.

Unprotected sex of any kind is planned in my book. A contraceptive failure is unplanned. Grey area for me is women who are on the pill but have a ‘tummy upset’ or some such thing and oops, get pregnant. If you are ill while on the pill you need to use something else as well just in case..

I don’t like what I see as an increasing trend whereby having unprotected sex is described as an unplanned pregnancy. I feel like more people are using it as a way of denying their own agency in a situation, especially when they know that their circumstances aren’t ideal for bringing a child into the world.

But I get why, if your situation isn’t great, you’d want to kind of minimise your own role in it. It’s human nature I guess.

But it still strikes me as silly when people take absolutely no precautions against getting pregnant then try to argue that the pregnancy came out of nowhere.

I get the impression sometimes people's hormones are telling them to do something without their brain consciously realising, if that makes sense. There's a lot of that when it comes to sex and reproduction. The body knew what it was doing.

There’s a big difference between having unprotected sex and hoping you get pregnant and having unprotected sex and really hoping you don’t!

Semi-planned is definitely a thing. We stopped using protection but I wasnt bothered whether or not I got pregnant. No ovulation tracking what so ever. Didn’t think anything of it when my period arrived. Hadn’t noticed it was late when I was pregnant.

Getting pregnant with DC2 was 100% planned. Military operation like.

This. Your body doesn’t have a concept of ‘grey area’. If you have unprotected sex at a time when you’re fertile, then that is a planned pregnancy.

@Businessflake There’s a big difference between having unprotected sex and hoping you get pregnant and having unprotected sex and really hoping you don’t!

The only difference is only someone stupid would have unprotected sex and hope not to get pregnant. Unplanned pregnancies are when you have taken steps to prevent a pregnancy and a pregnancy still occurs. Not unprotected sex and hoping for the best. Surely you know that?

I haven't had a period since March, I don't think I'm able to get pregnant so it would definitely be unplanned for me!

My first was semi planned ish. We threw caution to the wind on Valentines and said sure let's see what happens. So it wasn't super planned but wasn't an accident either but we were still very surprised

Course there is! How often does this come up in conversation?? 😆 DS was just that. Married, kids at some point, probably happened a year before we would have started trying anyway 🤷‍♀️

But if you don’t want to be pregnant, surely you wouldn’t take a chance, and would use contraception regardless?

Only my first was planned. Other 2 were accidental