To think that there’s such a thing as a “semi-planned” pregnancy

[YankSplaining]

When I got pregnant with my first baby, my husband and I were not trying to conceive at that exact time. However, we were going to start trying to conceive in another few months.

Whenever people talk about pregnancies being planned or unplanned, I feel like neither term is really descriptive of that situation. Technically it was unplanned, but when people say they had an “unplanned pregnancy,” the connotation is that they got pregnant at a time when getting pregnant wasn’t in their imminent plans. It feels weird saying I had an “unplanned pregnancy” - like I was a teenager who wasn’t planning to get pregnant for at least ten years, or a woman in her forties who mistook her pregnancy for early menopause, or a childfree woman who was never planning to get pregnant at all.

Imperfect analogy, but let’s say it’s your birthday and you’re planning to go out in a few hours and buy yourself a birthday cake. Then your family comes in with a surprise cake. It’s not like you weren’t planning to have a birthday cake - you just weren’t planning to have one at that exact moment.

AIBU to think there’s a gray space between “planned pregnancy” and “unplanned pregnancy”?

I agree with this. I'd say that DH and I were "trying" once we stopped using contraception. I didn't think that it was only properly trying if I was tracking things. It would be silly to say "well we've stopped using contraception but aren't planning on a pregnancy".

When I was on a pregnancy and conception forum years ago it was called "NTNP" (not trying not preventing) and lots of people did this in the months leading up to actively TTC.

For clarity actively TTC was simply just having sex at expected ovulation time for most women to begin with and ovulation kits / charting / supplements if it didn't happen. There used to be chats for people in their 2ww (2 week wait between ovulation and time they could test). The was 2011ish.

Sounds twee but it was nice to have some support and I actually still speak to a few ladies I met on this forum.

When I hear about planned pregnancies, I think of those actively trying to conceive, tracking ovulation, having sex on fertile days etc

To me, there's a difference between that and 'not trying but not preventing'....not using contraception but not tracking or anything either, just 'seeing what happens"

I think a lot of couples are in that middle area - we certainly were

What if you drove to that McDonald's every single day for 3 years and it was closed, but you kept driving to it out of routine and because you enjoyed the scenery. And then suddenly, one day on a random trip, it was unexpectedly open?

This is how I'd explain my second pregnancy 😂 took so long to conceive DC1 (fertility issues), that unprotected sex did not equate to baby in my eyes. But then it did! Very happily so. And rather quickly following DC1!

DC2 was definitely semi-planned. Genuinely didn't expect it to happen, but delighted when it did!

If its closed for 3 years then it's impossible to get food, so that would be covered. Same as using protection.

I find all these comments about not using protection = a planned pregnancy a bit surprising. Real life is rarely that black and white

Actively planning something is not the same as there being a potential outcome from an act of omission

If you go and do something where you know the potential consequences, how is that not planned? The planning is yes I will use protection or no I won't.

No. But I do think there's planned and there's trying.

Planned is what we did. Wanted a baby and had sex whenever we wanted to and didn't use protection and had an attitude of let's see.

Trying is when you track your cycle, make sure to have sex at the best times of the month, lie there afterwards with your hips elevated etc.

Exactly. A decision not to do something (ie use protection) is as much a decision as deciding to do it.

Totally disagree.

That would be classed as reckless not intentional: they know (or should know) it's a potential outcome but that isn't the same as planned or intentional.

Many couples stop using contraception in advance of actively trying to conceive (if the woman has been on the pill for 20 years for example she may want to 'get it out of her system' ready for actively TTC in a few months time), some couples might get carried away one night and just forget to use a condom, others rely on the 'pull out method' to not get pregnant but it doesn't work for them that one time. None of those would come under what I would consider a 'planned' pregnancy but I wouldn't say unplanned either as they know there is a 'chance'

By that reasoning my 'accidental' pregnancy at 17 was planned. It was far from!

I would say they all come under planned. Nothing was actively done to stop it so you knew the consequences. Ps, pulling out isn't a method of protection.

My second 2 were far from planned but according to mumsnet they obviously were 🙄

Maybe a bit extreme but the easiest analogy I can think of is Murder vs Manslaughter

Both result in a person dying because of another person's actions but one involves intent and the other does not. They still caused the death of someone so the outcome is the same but what led to that result isn't.

Just as actively planning a pregnancy with the intention of getting pregnant is not the same as happening to fall pregnant because you ommitted to use protection on one or more occasion. Yes, the outcome is the same but what led to that outcome isn't.
There is no 'plan'

i think the only time it matters is when you’re not prepared for it and/ or have mixed feelings/ are unhappy about being pregnant. Unplanned is a term that generally used in a situation where extra support might be needed for specific reasons. Otherwise there’s no need to specify really.

Ps, pulling out isn't a method of protection

Are you saying you don't believe people use this method not to fall pregnant? It doesn't matter if you or me personally do it or not, others around the world do, especially in certain religions, and they are not doing so with a 'plan' to get pregnant

Exactly.

This is a discussion where there are always posters conflating whether people should have unprotected sex when they don't want a pregnancy with whether they do. There's a very big difference between the two. It's a nailed on fact that there are some people who have unprotected PIV sex and then are unhappy, angry etc when a pregnancy results. Just because it's stupid doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

This thread has reminded me how stupid people are.

Like if you have unprotected sex but haven't turned anticlockwise three times and said the magic words "we're trying" it's apparently unlikely to happen.

Fucking idiots.

The same people who say they are engaged but aren't planning a wedding, or who say they aren't engaged (cos nobody got on a knee with a ring) but have the date booked.

I tend to find it's actually those with the lower intellect who resort to throwing around swear words and insulting others for having a different opinion because they aren't able to articulate themselves in any other way.

It's lost on you, that's OK.

This is Mumsnet.

I can use my plethora of postgraduate qualifications to call people fucking idiots, if fucking idiots they are being.

Unprotected sex makes babies. Not intent, wishing, hoping, temping, planning, charting, believing or otherwise.

And yes, I'd add withdrawal to that. Because: fucking science. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23921858/#:~:text=Results%3A%20During%20the%20study%20period,CI%5D%201.23%2D2.49).

Unprotected sex makes babies. Not intent, wishing, hoping, temping, PLANNING, charting, believing or otherwise

Erm, all those post graduate qualifications and you've still managed to misunderstand the thread you are commenting on? OP is asking about planned pregnancies vs semi planned, not how babies are made 🤣

In your own reply you've just said it's not about planning etc etc. .... exactly!

Babies are made by having unprotected sex. Correct 👏 it's NOT always about intent, wishing, hoping, temping, planning, charting, believing or otherwise. Sometimes it's absent mindedness, stupidity, recklessness, ignorance......

God I wish it were that bloody easy (unprotected sex = high risk of pregnancy). Over two and a half years of nothing here. Just past the second anniversary of the due date of an un/semi-planned pregnancy.

If it's wanted, does it matter? My son and daughter were conceived in very different circumstances with very different men but they're both still very much wanted and loved.

Before my current (second) pregnancy, DH and i had 4 years of unprotected sex and not even a sniff of a BFP so I hear you!

There's only one answer to the question of whether your pregnancy was planned or not and that's for people to mind their own business!