My mum’s views are really making me angry

[Blackbird23]

My parents have recently moved to a new build house, around 18 months ago.
Now more new build estates are going up in and around the same area and my mum is constantly complaining about them and how they’re ruining the ‘ambience’ of the area! I have to keep telling her she’s living in one, and it’s almost like pull the ladder up jack mentality, but she doesn’t see the irony at all, or chooses not to.

She also came from a council house when she was younger and keeps saying things like “oh I hope it won’t be a council estate, I can’t think of anything worse!”

And then going on about people not working and claiming benefits, but she didn’t work at all after we were born. So hasn’t worked for 30+ years (she’s 65 now)

AiBU here or is this just ridiculous?

'But he's an expat!' 🤣

i grew up on a council estate too & I’m with your mum. I actually think we were one of the problem families tbh & I wouldn’t want to live near this either. YABU.

Not all council estates are slum estates - I think that's quite a horrible generalisation

I agree. I live in a council flat. Not in UK. It's positively luxurious.

What a strange response!

@Blackbird23 , you sound terrifically judgemental. Why do you care? This is your mum you’re talking about. My mum was far from perfect but I would give so much to have one more day with her.
I would suggest that something about your mum has/is annoying you and you haven’t addressed that and probably should. If it really is that you are so aggrieved by these comments your mum made please find some perspective.

My aunt is the same, of course the nice open fields next to your new estate are going to be built on Auntie - what did you think was going to happen?! If you don't want to be swallowed up by an estate, don't live on one!

One thing some home owners forget is that sometimes planning is granted on the basis that a developer will build some social housing as well as homes for sale - therefore if they didn’t have the social tenants nearby they wouldn’t have their house either!

DH grew up in a council estate. During his dad's funeral the neighbours whom he has known all his life said things had got really bad there. I don't blame OP's mum for not wanting to live near one especially if where she lives is similar to DH's. It is not snobby especially if one has had a real life experience. SIL and DIL live in council estates still, but they don't sound too bad. They'd move out given a chance though.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g Yeah my mum was born in 1944 and she was back in full time work within 2 weeks of each of us being born! She's worked full time since she was 15 until she retired. It definitely wasn't the 'norm' to stay at home

But why let it annoy you? Just shrug, change the subject and talk about something else.

Every one is a dick in some way or form, but the only one who can let it affect your mood is yourself.

The woman is 65. It was and is absolutely the norm for women now aged 65 to work and perhaps also raise a family (this bit is not a given).

Women who are now 65 left secondary school in the late 70s, maybe graduated from university in the early to mid 80s.

If the mother was in her 80s, then it might be true.

Your liberal bashing falls flat on grounds of ignorance of the realities of life in the last two decades of the 20th century.

That sounds very annoying. My mum is the same, she was a single mum to 2 under 3 in the 80’s which must have been so tough when single mums were even more ostracised then than they are now. And she constantly now make sneery remarks about single mums! Baffles me. I think some people who have been through trauma and haven’t healed, push back in the other direction. I also think some people have I “Why should they have it easy, I didn’t” mentality.

I don't know OP.

Maybe just reassure your mum it won't be a council estate.

Clearly her experience of living on one was quite negative, why should she be expected to relish returning to that kind of place?

As for the new build thing - I think it rather depends. There is good development, and there is bad development. A village can have some newer houses go up in a way that is well integrated and may even be of benefit to the economy of the place. Add 5 more big developments and it can be a very different story. It can kill a place.

My friend lives in what was once a nice village, in a (relatively) new build in an older part. As more and more places have gone up, it's become traffic snarled, unwalkable, and it's lost its center. It's a sort of disorganized sprawl. Now having issues with water supply too.

Of course this is bad planning, but that's the point - just because your mum is in a new place does not mean these newer places represent good development.

I'm sorry, this is an inaccurate picture even if it is your particular experience. It was by no means ubiquitous, but it was common and seen as perfectly respectable to be a SAHM in the 80s.

About half of mothers were not in, or looking to be in, the workforce.

There has been a significant decline of SAHMs every decade since that time.

Maybe get her out more and encourage to join some clubs or other interests to distract her...my mum has dementia so i have lost her so enjoy yr parents while u can .xxx

That strange that it had multiple likes of people agreeing. Not a strange response at all, just a genuine question about why OP gets so angry about someone else not liking where they live. It's not something to get angry about.

Why are you so angry about this? My mother says a lot worse, just let an old woman vent

Sounds very annoying and wearing ..65 isn’t very old , not old enough for “ old lady “ comments 😂
I can sort of understand her comments , IF the sales team who sold them their new build home told them that there wouldn’t be many more new builds in the area .
That does mean that the neighbourhood gets busier and services are more difficult to access .
It can change the feel of a small town

Anyone who lived in a council estate would say the same - they aren’t the best places to live, cold, cramped, drugs, knives, a man was murdered the day we moved in, by two teen girls after his little money he had saved.
they are dangerous and scarey
There are many areas of lively social housing with none of these issues, not every council tenant is an unemployed thug.
What an ignorant attitude.

Tolerance is an underrated virtue.
Maybe your mum doesn’t like your views. Maybe she even disagrees with you on some subjects (perish the thought😳)
I didn’t agree with my mum’s dislike of German people but then I didn’t spend my childhood in an air raid shelter and didn’t lose my best friend to a bomb.
The trick is to understand her views and how she arrived at them and then agree to disagree or steer away from certain subjects.
We are never going to be in agreement with our loved ones and we need to accept that - it’s part of maturity.

Also, 65 is not old, she seems to have a small life, is she planning to spend the next 20/30 years in the house with no interests.

Your mum sounds sensible. Council estates are dreadful. As are new estates that get to built up. People who ponce off of the state when there is no reason that they cannot work are a burden to us all. Try to stop moaning about your mum.

@Rachel757677
You do know not everyone in social housing is unemployed?
I know teachers, HCPs who live in social housing, stop being so nasty and ignorant.

Erm...... I did not say that they were. Read my post again. I would have thought that the vast majority were employed. That does not change the fact that council estates tend to be grim.

NIMBYs make numpties and then put one in charge of everything.

Just ask America.