My mum’s views are really making me angry

[Blackbird23]

My parents have recently moved to a new build house, around 18 months ago.
Now more new build estates are going up in and around the same area and my mum is constantly complaining about them and how they’re ruining the ‘ambience’ of the area! I have to keep telling her she’s living in one, and it’s almost like pull the ladder up jack mentality, but she doesn’t see the irony at all, or chooses not to.

She also came from a council house when she was younger and keeps saying things like “oh I hope it won’t be a council estate, I can’t think of anything worse!”

And then going on about people not working and claiming benefits, but she didn’t work at all after we were born. So hasn’t worked for 30+ years (she’s 65 now)

AiBU here or is this just ridiculous?

If she's reasonable enough in other respects, can't you just smile, nod and mentally retreat to your happy place when she starts up?

😭😂 good idea 😊

You can’t get your head around why someone would find someone’s hypocritical and/or judgemental views frustrating or annoying?

I think there can be an added layer of not wanting to be complicit with the views, which is what leads people to want to speak up rather than get the bingo card out.

Its pretty easy to empathise with the OP imo.

Having had a miserable childhood on a dog rough council estate I cut people who grew up on council estates a lot of slack on those kind of views.

I hope you shit doesn't stink by the time your children are old enough to find your views objectionable!

Let it go, its not important.

The main bugbear I have is the complaining about new builds when she’s in one herself!

She complaining about her estate being a building site or the cost estate expanding to be faceless - maybe you are jus that’s of thinking?

my sister does this - her house in a small estate on the outskirts of a village is only about 30 years old, but the new builds now she considers completely unreasonable.
The building density where I live has rocketed since I moved here I am in the 20 years - but to her, that's not comparable because it doesn't impact on her naice chocolate box village.

"I hope it won't be a council estate"

It won't be. Councils don't build estates any more.

I imagine most have had this experience talking to older people and not knowing whether to nod along or speak up.

My father comes out with some ridiculous things now that he's retired and in his own head a lot. Occasionally us kids point things out. I know my mother finds it exasperating to live with and they bicker a lot.

Dora I wouldnt value advice from anyone with a foul mouth.

Say "Wow mum, I didnt realise when you bought your house, you did so on the condition you thought you'd be the last person let into the area?!'
This would irritate me too OP.

I lived on a council estate as a child, so I know from personal experience what it's like. That is why I would hate to bring my children up in any kind of social housing or live in or near such housing myself.

Thankfully, I don't have to.

It's not hypocritical to want to avoid things have experienced and don't like.

Honestly the comments about council estates on this thread are horrific and very close minded.

I live in one and yes it’s not without it’s problems but I’ve found a wonderful sense of community here, I’m in the catchment for an excellent high school and my neighbours have really helped me when I was in a time of need.

Whereas when I lived in a desirable, ‘idyllic’ area not one of my neighbours even asked if I was ok when I was assaulted in the middle of the street in broad daylight

Please explain how our lived experiences of council estates which are very real are more close minded?

The fact that many posters are telling of their awful experiences of living on council estates shows it is not unusual to have this experience.

It is not close minded to say I experienced that, it was awful, I don't want to experience it again thank you very much.

Why? The price of housing is getting less and less affordable for more and more people.

The majority of people who can’t afford private rent or don’t have the savings for a deposit aren’t junkies, criminals and just generally the scum of the earth as mn seems to believe

I can see how that would make you cross. My parents are always moaning about young people today, how hard they've had it(boomers who bought their house for virtually nothing) winter fuel allowance withdrawal ( despite not needing it at all) It's the Daily Mail generation..

I think this is true. Some people can't cope with change as they get older - it makes them feel threatened.

There’s a council estate quite near us. I’d happily walk round there, either day or night.

I appreciate that not all council estates are the same, but they aren’t all bad!

It is often said that nothing annoys us as much as our own faults and shortcomings in others. It’s a form of self hate.

No idea y it annoys u, just let it go over yr head.

I had a friend like this years ago. She was really snobby and when she bought her house it was in a niceish area surrounded by some really rough and dodgy areas. She got all high and mighty when saying where she lived and how much nicer it was than where I still lived at home (she was off the same estate on the road behind mine). She got all offended when I replied that at least I could walk to the shop without being mugged or worse (the closest shop to her to walk to was on the rough side of where she lived) and that I still lived in an area where the postcode was associated with a nice area where her postcode was associated with a really rough area. Snobby of me I know but I couldn’t and still can’t stand snobs who think they’re better than everyone else because they bought their house in a slightly nicer area than where they grew up. She lost the house when she got divorced and ended up in a council house on the roughest road on the estate behind her house. I haven’t spoken to her in years and I’m glad she has found that being a snob doesn’t always pay