Unwanted Christmas gifts

[CoffeeNeededorWine]

How do you deal with expensive unwanted Christmas presents?

My mum has bought me something expensive for Christmas. My sister tried to gently suggest it wouldn’t be something o wanted. Sister has told me what it is. My mum is really excited and think I’ll love it. I won’t. It’s something I’d never use and I feel awful because my lovely mum has spent so much money on this gift. We spent a fair amount of time together as a family so she’s going to know I’m not using it. What do I do? How do people deal with this?

AIBU not saying anything? I don’t want to hurt her feelings. But then I don’t want her to waste her money.

Is the gift an item or an experience voucher?

Be honest with her, gently, that you don't want her to waste her money on something you don't want. . Only if she can still return, otherwise I think you are going to have to graciously accept it.

What is it? How much is expensive?

The other slightly convoluted option, if she can return, regift or use herself is for you to order one now, pretend to her that you've tried it, don't like it and have returned. That way surely she won't gift it to you again ( though your sister may find herself with an unwanted…😂... i don't know…air fryer…).

Can your sister not tell her that you were randomly (!) talking about said item and she now knows you'll hate it?

You need to tell her. No way round it. Obviously you'll be kind and grateful but she thinks she is doing something nice and it's not worked out.

Mum, I really don't want an airfryer because I can always borrow one.

I think you may need to speak up and let her know you knkw she has bought whatever it is.

I never had one. However in your case just talk to your mum now. Surely she prefer to know.

Depends on what kind of gifter she is and what her reaction would be.

My mum used to do this when I was a child despite my father telling her over and over again, I wouldn’t like a gift.

I would accept it and say thank you, but my face couldn’t hide my feelings (perplexed) and I would be called ungrateful.

My mother bought things for me that she liked and expected me to like them too and would ignore being told otherwise. She was offended that I didn’t like what she liked because she took it as me saying there was something wrong with her taste when really it wasn’t my style or something I would wear. She likes to shop and I’m more particular/practical in what I buy even more so now as an adult. She is way better now and asks instead and I’ve told her to not buy xyz things for me for the future.

If your mother is like mine, talk to her and explain that you appreciate the thought she has put in it, but it isn’t something that you’ll use/wear and you wouldn’t want to disappoint her by just keeping it somewhere collecting dust.

Not enough info OP!

Could she still return it ( or is it something like a portrait of you she’s had commissioned!) ?

What is the value? How long would it normally last? Is it in any way useful? How much space does it take? Etc etc …

This is orobably making lots of us with younger Dc feel a bit 😬

But sometimes they ask for utter rubbish that you know will break/ only interest them for a couple of hours .

What's the gift?

No idea how it would be.

My post was about my experience about receiving gifts from my mum that were her taste and not mine, her offence at me not liking them and her reasons behind that offence.

Nothing to do with what children ask their parents for.

24CRZZNKKA, I know, we're dying to find out!😄

Just be 100% honest with her about it.
Tell her your sister has told you what it is and you don't want it so could she please return it.
(obviously if that's possible...if it's personalised then it might be more complicated).

Is returning it an option for your mum? If yes, then I'd "randomly" tell her I bought it myself and it was crap so I returned it, or Suzie from work bought one and you tried it and it's not your thing and hope she gets the hint.

It also depends what it is expensive perfume vs GHDs vs wall length commissioned portrait of you , are dealt with in different ways.

Mine was only a light hearted comment. Lots of us are currently fielding Christmas lists with all the highly-marketed, overpriced tat children ask for and thinking “ well you won’t be getting THAT.”

All right, still not sure what that has to do with OP’s situation when she’s an adult.

Well I suppose because you mentioned st the beginning of your post that your mum did this when you were a child.

But don’t overthink. It was just a light-hearted comment.

A very expensive camera. With two young DC I can see why she’s bought it. But it’s just another thing to carry. I’d never use it. I always take pictures on my phone. I genuinely feel awful. I think she may have had it for month or two. ☹️

An air fryer I would have loved 😂

@CoffeeNeededorWine just tell her !
If it's unopened and unused she should be able to return it or sell it.

You might like it, you can use it over Christmas and for Birthday parties. If it can take really great pictures I can see how your mum thinks she is helping you make memories while the DC are young, would your DP be more keen to use it (boys toys)? I think you will have to grin and bear it. At least it's not something huge that will fill up the kitchen.

Do you have a partner/DH? Again "randomly " mention he wanted to buy you one and all the reasons you don't want one. If unused and in box she might still be able to return it/sell it.

Or alternatively, keep it and give it a go at special occasions like Christmas,birthday parties, school plays, holidays etc. It's not something you have to use/carry daily.

I'd love that gift!

I agree op: give it a go! You don’t need to carry it everywhere and it isn’t huge to store. I have a friend who chooses a lazy Sunday every so often and takes the Dc to the park ( or similar) and just starts snapping. She has some truly wonderful records of her Dc at different ages.

I wouldn’t splash out on it myself but I’d actually love to be given it! Just embrace it and give your mum the pleasure of you enjoying it. It’s a gift you could easily make useful with just a few hours of photo sessions a year. I think you’ll thank yourself in time, I really do.

Hard to say without knowing roughly what it is but unless it is something commissioned specifically for you and cannot be returned, I would ask your sister whether she'd feel comfortable telling your mum you'd been out shopping together when said gift was referred to and the curled nose of disgust was proffered by you. That way she gets to return it within the period most stores allow returns. Even if it does then have to be store credit.

You did say your mum is lovely and with it being expensive, seems a terrible shame she won't get what she wants (to see you happy) and her hard-earned cash might as well have gone down the drain. And it is especially annoying if it is something she'll want to see in situ and you'll have to endure.
If you can't do the above, looks like you'll have to suck it up for a while and when the shine is off, perhaps do the husband/ dog/neighbour/visiting child broke it. Make sure the guarantee has expired if electrical. The reality can be you have spirited it away to a charity shop far, far away. Someone else would like it if your mum does. That way you get it out of the house and a charity gets some money. Just don't express great sadness for its loss or you'll get another.

Sorry - I put that up before I saw your update.