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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to wear a sari to DH's distant cousins wedding

56 replies

schmoopoo · 27/04/2008 21:01

Just about says it all i am white he is Indian his family are really pushing me to wear as Sari as the wedding is a long way away and will involve stopping on the way at service stations and nowhere to get changed whenw e get there I would rather wear something else. His siter is ulking

OP posts:

AMumInScotland · 27/04/2008 21:06

Why on earth would anyone expect you to wear a sari, when you don't usually? I can see that you should be respectful of a dress code for the religion involved - eg covered arms or whatever - but to expect a sari just seems unreasonable.

Heated · 27/04/2008 21:06

Where are they getting married that you can't get changed?

At the Asian wedding dh was bm at, I was touched and honoured they'd bought me & dh something to wear (in fact had spent a lot of money on the clothes in India). We went to the hotel where the bride was staying with all her other relatives and I got dressed there. Very glad for the help actually.

admylin · 27/04/2008 21:07

I have a similar problem ahead of me in summer when we go to Texas, dh's niece is getting married and it's his big sister and bigger brother's dc getting married. They want us to wear what they say - infact I've just had to send off our measurements for the 'suits'.

I don't like dressing in the traditional dress over here or in the US (In india it's not so bad) because I think it just doesn't suit me so I'm going to go along with the plan and wear what they give me just for the photos and then get changed. I do accept that it's their big day and they want it to be perfect and the way they want it etc. Could also be that they are afraid we'll turn up looking too plain in our clothes - and dh is being even more stubborn by refusing to even dress up for the photos but that's just to get at his big sister I think (they're always fighting!)

Original poster

schmoopoo · 27/04/2008 21:07

Large hall.

OP posts:

MrsFogi · 27/04/2008 21:07

Oooh wear a sahri they feel fantastic, if I was of Indian origin I'd wear one (or a more modern take on one) to every party I went to. Meanwhile I'd be delighted to go to a wedding and wear one!

MrsFogi · 27/04/2008 21:07

Oooh wear a sahri they feel fantastic, if I was of Indian origin I'd wear one (or a more modern take on one) to every party I went to. Meanwhile I'd be delighted to go to a wedding and wear one!

Heated · 27/04/2008 21:12

Are you staying over? Could you go there first or go to comeone's house to get changed?

From my point of view it was nice to fit in, it feels special and they'll really appreciate the effort you've made.

2GIRLS · 27/04/2008 21:13

Why don't you want to wear one ?
You could have just put it on at home and driven up in it, but as you say you'll be stopping at service stations it sounds like you don't want to be seen out in public in a sari.

Maybe it would mean a lot to his family that their family is dressed right iyswim.
Could you not just bite your lip for one day and wear it? I bet you'd look beautiful

snowleopard · 27/04/2008 21:14

Is the travel really the reason? If so, ask for help - say you would love to wear it but not for the journey, can someone help you change when you arrive and find a space for you to change in?

I have absolutely zero experience of being in a multicultural family etc but I would love to wear a sari, because they look so lovely - I only wouldn't because I'd worry people would think I was being pretentious a la Cherie Blair. If I was being pushed into it I definitely would.

TheHedgeWitch · 27/04/2008 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Twiglett · 27/04/2008 21:15

I have a gorgeous photograph of my mother wearing a sari in 1958 ... she looked fabulous, i've always been jealous and always wanted to have an occasion to wear one

littleducks · 27/04/2008 21:18

if you arent comfortable in a sari could you wear a trouser suit?

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 27/04/2008 21:26

I would wear one. It would be a nice thing to do for your DH's family. It would probably mean a lot to them and sometimes we do just have to compromise.

FreddysTeddy · 27/04/2008 21:28

I'd wear it too, would be a lovely way to feel really involved.

moondog · 27/04/2008 21:29

Oh wear it. It will make them sooo happy that you are being so thoughtful and courteous thus milliond of brownie points your way.

I would jump at the chance to wear a sari.They are gorgeous. I had a fab shalwar khameez that i bought in Saudi which I used to wear to nice dos. Got lots of compliments.

Hulababy · 27/04/2008 21:30

Can you compromise and wear a trouser/tunic combo one instead - can't remember their proper name. Or the long skirt and top?

I wore the former for a Bollywood Ball and it really was lovely to wear - and so ocmfortable too!

hanaflower · 27/04/2008 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chequers · 27/04/2008 21:34

Message withdrawn

Doodle2U · 27/04/2008 21:35

Thin end of the wedge. Stick to your guns and wear your own choice of clothes.

bekkaboo · 27/04/2008 21:35

Dont think its about where to get changed. Id say how you feel, sounds to controlling to me. You have to feel comfortable and enjoy the day too. I certainly wouldn't wear what someone told me to.

lucyellensmum · 27/04/2008 21:38

saris are a bit of a performance to change into aren;t they? I really think you should make the effort, do they not do a sari type affair that is easier to get on, that you could slip into in the toilets or something? Or arrange to go to someones house nearby to get changed. I honestly think you should back down on this one - you will probably look lovely and feel lovely, your DH will be proud and really appreciate you going to the effort, oh yes, sooo many brownie points to be earnt here.

lucyellensmum · 27/04/2008 21:40

great minds moondog

2GIRLS · 27/04/2008 21:42

Have you asked them why it's so important to them that you wear a sari at the wedding?

If you usually get on with them, take their feelings into account too.

Unless there is a history of bad feeling and controlling behaviour, then doing something for one day to make your family (they are your family too) happy isn't such a bad thing.

What does your husband say about it?

AitchTwoCiao · 27/04/2008 21:45

is it because you don't want to expose your midriff? i think saris look great but i wouldn't want to wear one for that reason. you see asian women with lovely brown skin peeking out, but for me as a pasty pale blue i can't help thinking i would just look flabby and rubbish.

if it's not secretly that and you'd look fine in it, then wear it fgs. it's just one day, it's a good message to send to his family and you will look all slinky and gorgeous.

Heated · 27/04/2008 21:46

Shalwar Khameez is the way to go, they look stunning and are much easier to wear. In fact the wedding I went to all the younger women wore them rather than saris, including the bride.

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