Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To not want to wear a sari to DH's distant cousins wedding

56 replies

schmoopoo · 27/04/2008 21:01

Just about says it all i am white he is Indian his family are really pushing me to wear as Sari as the wedding is a long way away and will involve stopping on the way at service stations and nowhere to get changed whenw e get there I would rather wear something else. His siter is ulking

OP posts:

Sexonlegs · 27/04/2008 21:49

Slightly different angle here. When I married dh, his dad refused to wear a morning suit as per my dad, our brothers (who were ushers) and the best man.

I was totally pissed off, and although ridiculous, I have not forgiven him. It was 1 day fgs. I seem to think that fil and mil even wore their own button-holes.

As I say, coming at it from another angle, but thought it was worth posting about.

Hope you enjoy the wedding whatever you decide to wear.

Gobbledigook · 27/04/2008 21:54

ooooh, I would LOVE to wear a sari!

MNersanonymous · 27/04/2008 21:59

Is it really because you feel by doing this they are not accepting you for who you really are in terms of background and somehow trying to make you more Indian as you think they wish you were Indian?

Apologies if barking up the wrong tree but I do wonder whether there is something else like this underlying your feelings about it?

I've been in this situation. Sometimes i do, sometimes I don't but I make sure it is my choice not the Inlaws. I am not Indian and never will be but that doesn't mean it isn't nice to wear a sari or similar sometimes.

mshadowsisfab · 27/04/2008 22:01

yabu I would love to have a go at wearing one. I bet they feel lovely

Hulababy · 27/04/2008 22:02

When I was looking for my outfit I was told in a coule of shops that you can get Saris premade up for you - so the top bit is stiched as a top, not just a long piece of fabric, etc.

cocosquarepants · 27/04/2008 22:04

I wouldn't go to a wedding where somebody else told me what I should wear.

AitchTwoCiao · 27/04/2008 22:06

why not? i've been to weddings with a black/white theme, we thought it was hilarious and went along with it.

AitchTwoCiao · 27/04/2008 22:07

re MNersanon's point. it could equally be seen that by not adhering to the family dress code, as it were, that you are rejecting them.

cocosquarepants · 27/04/2008 22:08

What happens if it's a Crocs themed wedding? I have standards.

AitchTwoCiao · 27/04/2008 22:10

you are right, of course.

MNersanonymous · 27/04/2008 22:13

Or a compulsory Boden one....ugh you'd have to wear a 'cute flippy skirt' and a flary flirty top.....

iwearasarieveryday · 27/04/2008 22:19

TheHedgewitch - 'I'd love to get to wear one' - you can you know it's not illegal! Find you all a bit patronising tbh. Wear one, don't wear one who cares? Don't moan about it - it's like me posting that I don't want to get dressed in the morning! (Saris are not always 'beautiful' either!)

Tinker · 27/04/2008 22:20

Oh, I would love to have a reason to wear a sari.

Tinker · 27/04/2008 22:22

Ok, I would love to have a reason to wear a beautiful sari. [told off]

jasper · 27/04/2008 22:23

wear what you want

nkf · 27/04/2008 22:27

They look beautiful and a shalwar kameez is even lovelier. I wish someone would ask me to wear one. And masses of thin gold jewelley. Sorry that doesn't help you does it?

nkf · 27/04/2008 22:27

They look beautiful and a shalwar kameez is even lovelier. I wish someone would ask me to wear one. And masses of thin gold jewelley. Sorry that doesn't help you does it?

Blu · 27/04/2008 22:28

Coco - bridesmaids generally get told what to wear (and in my opinion look a bloody sight more silly than they would in a sari), as do ushers, best man, and anyone else told whethre it is grey morning suit or whatever.

cocosquarepants · 27/04/2008 22:31

I know, but I still don't like it, that's why I didn't have a wedding like that. I was only putting my opinion forward. The op obviously doesn't want to wear one.

AitchTwoCiao · 27/04/2008 22:35

in what sense is it patronising, iweara?

the type of sari you'd wear to a wedding wouldn't be an everyday one, i presume? or you'd wear an ugly one to a wedding? how odd.

edam · 27/04/2008 22:36

I'd get someone to give you some tips on wearing a sari - not easy if you aren't used to it, I should imagine. You don't want essential bits falling down! Someone mentioned you can get the sari version of a ready-made bow tie, might be worth investigating.

However, it really depends why this makes you uncomfortable - have you never worn one before? Are you worried about it falling down/looking silly as you aren't an habitual sari-wearer? Do you get on well with his family or are they a bit controlling? Do you fear his family don't approve of you being white and feel this is a 'let's pretend Schmoo is a good Asian girl for the day' effort?

AitchTwoCiao · 27/04/2008 22:37

oh, and you can wear jeans, iweara... bingo stingo, problem solved!.

moondog · 27/04/2008 22:39

My sister gets kitted out in full Korean regalia for family dos with her Korean dh. Utterly fab and very appreciated. dd has an outfit too and wore it to a Korean
Harvest moon party. Went down a storm.r

sweetgrapes · 27/04/2008 22:40

So, what are you wearing? Or haven't you decided yet?

Do let us know.

Wear it just below your belly button and have a diamond in your bb....

But, seriously, you can't travel in it anyway. It'll get all crumpled and crushed. So if you do decide to wear one, then ask them where you're going to change and who's going to help you wear it. (You'll need someone for the pleats.) I've worn them for years and still need help with the pleats for a formal do.

Blu · 27/04/2008 22:40

I look completely ghastly in a sari - like a man in drag, all shoulders and clumpy middle.
My MIL had a shawar kameez made for me and I looked like a mobile jousting tent.

Sigh.

the way you wear it.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread