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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you were absolutely flat broke in this situation, how would you make money?

559 replies

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 17:32

Some context - single mum of 3 teenagers. Qualfied as a nurse a year ago, so on the lowest increment for band 5 pay. i work all night plus extra bank shifts to maximise my income with enhancements. Moving up pay scales/banding is impossible at the minute. The extra shifts means my UC entitlement is 0 most months. I get CB for 2/3 of the children. Eldest has autism and whilst he works, he doesnt earn enough to be contributing anything substantial to the household. Ex gave up working and claims benefits, i get the standard £29 a month deduction from his benefits via CMS, he hasnt seen the children in over a decade so doesnt contribute anything further. I dont drive and theres no public transport running at a time that i can get to work, so i have to pay for taxis which are expensive but i have no other options. Its a 2 hour walk before/after 13 hours shifts and i usually do 4 or 5 in a week, im so exhausted i cant do this walk on top of my very busy active shift. We live in a rented house, which is a reasonable rent for the area, but still expensive. 1 child in school who can walk, 1 child in college who cant walk as its too far so i have to ay transport costs for them. I have some "unnecessary" outgoings, gaming subscriptions and streaming services, however my children are home alone 4 or 5 nights a week so they need something to keep them occupied as i dislike them going out and about whilst im at work, as i work in a very busy A&E department, im not easily contactable and like to know they are safe. I have some small debts im paying off from when i was a student and really struggled to get by.

Every month i run i out of money, its just impossible. I cant work more, i cant see where i can reduce out goings. I cant get a third job (my substantial and bank are two different contracts). I cant afford christmas, which i know isnt the be all and end all. But, when i was a student i promised my children a better future when i was stressed writing assignments doing placements and missing important events. But its not gotten better. Infact im worse off each month now than i was when studying. The recent NHS payrise left me worse off, as it bumped me into the next pension bracket, so the little i got backdated last pay, i now owe in pension arrears from April when the pay rise was back dated to. This amount is more than i received in back pay last month.

Life is just impossible. I cant give my children any standard of living, despite working my arse off to improve my career and do as many shifts a week as i am physically able to do.

What would you do? Genuinely? My only potential plan at the minute is the WFH pip assessor roles, its the same money im on now, but no travel costs. Keep my bank job to pick up an extra weeked shift each week. But its a job role i struggle with morally, and i would lose the patient contact element of my job for the most part. And A&E was my dream job, i love it, and the experience is vital for my future career aspirations.

OP posts:
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Gummybear23 · 15/11/2024 19:55

PinkyFlamingo · 15/11/2024 19:54

Stop paying into the pension. You need the money now.

Don't do this.
Will cost you massively.

TheABC · 15/11/2024 19:55

The killers on your budget are the transport costs, extra loan and pension.

  • I agree with everyone else; get a moped or car and stop the taxis. Electric bikes are amazing, but not after 13 hours on your feet.
  • Get Pip for the eldest.
  • Looking into college assistance for the youngest
  • Could you rent out your driveway during the day for some extra cash?
  • Regarding Christmas, see what you can sell on vinted or go low-spend (,token presents only). Money-saving expert has a lot of ideas.

In the long run, your Msc loan will end and you will go up a pay bracket for the pension. Your kids won't be dependent forever.

You are amazing. You are reading a family in a tough job on one oncomr. Your ex, on the other hand, can go to hell.

Passmetheaero · 15/11/2024 19:55

I’m honestly think the 2nd hand e-bike idea is the best. Or even better, a small 50cc second hand moped which you can ride on a provisional licence! You can easily pick one up for less than a grand (could family help out with this?) and you will quickly make this money back on saved taxi fares.

Gummybear23 · 15/11/2024 19:55

Gummybear23 · 15/11/2024 19:55

Don't do this.
Will cost you massively.

Also you lose your death in service should you pass away your children will not receive this.

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 19:57

superplumb · 15/11/2024 19:52

Can your autistic son claim pip for himself? We get dla for my son but he's young.

he wouldnt be entitled. Although he is autistic and requires extra support from me with managing adult life, emotional support as he gets very anxious, and he is dyslexic to the point he struggles to comprehend basically anything written and struggles to communicate effectively, he is capable of holding down a job and doesnt have any additional needs that would justify further finacial support. He earns more than what would entitle him to UC top up. He is under 21 so not on full minimum wage, he works 30 hours a week currently.

OP posts:
Littlemissgobby · 15/11/2024 19:58

Could you not move closer to hospital so saving on taxi fares

Gummybear23 · 15/11/2024 19:59

It will get better just think about the scooter and ebike.
Also.all the cost cutting advice on here.

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 19:59

Littlemissgobby · 15/11/2024 19:58

Could you not move closer to hospital so saving on taxi fares

The upfront costs and higher rent prices in teh areas closer to the hospital would be higher than my outgoings on transport. Plus my daughter would then require transport to school as i dont want to move her during her GCSE's

OP posts:
Littlemissgobby · 15/11/2024 20:00

You work in accident and emergency obv other nurses must be on same shift surely if you offered petrol money which would help them some on your shift could give yiu a lift and back

fedup33 · 15/11/2024 20:02

I think its cruel to suggest cycling in the winter. Lift share? Some sort of deal where they give you a lift and you reciprocate in some way?

I'd knock the streaming services on the head. Can't they watch on their laptops? Presumably the slow cooker is on the go?

Wonderi · 15/11/2024 20:02

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 19:53

On paper - yes. However my deductions for tax ni pension standard SFE and an MSc often amount to over 1500 a month.

Have you looked into how much better off you’d be if you dropped hours?

Sometimes taking transport costs into account etc, it actually works out better or the same by doing less hours.

It may be just a temporary solution until you can sort out transport or something for the future.

AluckyEllie · 15/11/2024 20:02

Can you do agency instead of bank? So keep your contracted hours on and then do agency which is a much better hourly rate (I’m an ICU nurse that used to do thornbury shifts.) You usually can’t work agency in the trust you are employed by though so it would depend on area (I’m south east so could easily get into London.)

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 20:02

Im going to have a look online at moped costs, and rough estimates for insurance etc as im seeing my parents on sunday and can possibly discuss them helping me to buy one and repay them instead of credit card or loans. And then ask that future chirtmas and birthday gifts are just added to repaying them until its cleared. My parents arent well off but i do think would be in a position to help me with the upfront costs of a moped. And they know i wouldnt ask them for anything unless i was desperate. I think this is the most logical solution and can hopefully save a few hundred a month

OP posts:
fedup33 · 15/11/2024 20:03

Can the older kids earn a bit by baby sitting?

Serencwtch · 15/11/2024 20:03

Aberentian · 15/11/2024 19:22

@Serencwtch honestly I don't think it's even safe for a person to be cycling home after a 13 hour shift. Op is working almost a double week, and in patient facing, not extra hours at a desk. It doesn't seem like a great idea to me.

I have to do it!!

As do many people who don't have a choice.

It may not be a fun option but if OP is spending out on taxis every day that's a huge expensive. There isn't going to be an easy way to free money & a lot of people really struggle to make ends meet but it might be a better option for OP than say taking on another job.

bamboosockmonster · 15/11/2024 20:03

PinkyFlamingo · 15/11/2024 19:54

Stop paying into the pension. You need the money now.

I agree. At least cut down on the pension in the short term.

fedup33 · 15/11/2024 20:04

Sorry to be banging on about this but what can't you get a lift from a colleague?

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 20:04

bamboosockmonster · 15/11/2024 20:03

I agree. At least cut down on the pension in the short term.

Thats not an option, nhs pension is a fixed % you are either in the scheme or not. I cant reduce the contributions.

OP posts:
thestudio · 15/11/2024 20:05

OP the salary sacrifice loan for a car/moped/electric bike seems definitely worth looking into - mentioned a few times upthread?

We have an electric bike, and while I completely get your absolute exhaustion, my 60+ OH can ride 15 miles after a very long physical day as it really does take the slog out of it.

bamboosockmonster · 15/11/2024 20:05

Serencwtch · 15/11/2024 20:03

I have to do it!!

As do many people who don't have a choice.

It may not be a fun option but if OP is spending out on taxis every day that's a huge expensive. There isn't going to be an easy way to free money & a lot of people really struggle to make ends meet but it might be a better option for OP than say taking on another job.

Good for you but not everyone feels confident cycling. Especially after a long shift, perhaps in the dark along dark roads, and of course depends on age and level of fitness etc etc.

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 20:05

fedup33 · 15/11/2024 20:04

Sorry to be banging on about this but what can't you get a lift from a colleague?

Ive only come across one collegue who lives in my direction, and she works mostly day shifts.

OP posts:
Barney16 · 15/11/2024 20:05

My very lovely MIL who is sadly not with us anymore, was a Sister doing night shifts for most of DPs childhood. She bought a moped and went backwards and forwards on it. I don't know if that's at all practical in your situation.

fedup33 · 15/11/2024 20:06

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 20:05

Ive only come across one collegue who lives in my direction, and she works mostly day shifts.

Perhaps it goes against your nature to be pushy but honestly I think you have to ask around. Via traditional methods or email ?

Gummybear23 · 15/11/2024 20:08

fedup33 · 15/11/2024 20:06

Perhaps it goes against your nature to be pushy but honestly I think you have to ask around. Via traditional methods or email ?

Has work got an online SharePoint site for employees?
If not suggest one.
Then suggest a car pool.

It works really well.

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