To be annoyed child got no part in school play

[Honeybeebuzz]

Child is in Year 1, they do their play with the reception class too. Last year he didn't get a part but we were told it's because most parts go to the Year 1s. Just found out he's not got a part again, just chorus. Its a small school so most do and im not sure why he didn't. He's generally well behaved, confident and doing well academically so not like he couldn't manage a line or two. Just feel a bit sad for him as he's chatting away about the parts his friends got. There's nothing I can do really and im obviously not showing him im annoyed

Hilariously nepotistic sure, but people on the PTA give up time, take annual leave to make things happen (if they work), give up evenings and weekends to organise things that benefit the children of parents that aren’t prepared to do this. Same with governors. Volunteer roles that are important and take up a lot of time. If an unintended benefit of this is that their kids get speaking lines in plays, maybe you should consider giving up some of your time? Our Chair of the PTA works full time and has been on it for 11 years. The PTA raises 1000’s every year for the school and it would be a lot harder without the time she puts in. Should her child get first dibs as Mary? Hell yeah.

I would love to help the school out more. Unfortunately I have bills to pay and don't have a husband or parents who earn a 3 figure salary so my energy has to go into doing a very demanding job and managing my home. And how do you justify the teacher's kid getting a massive part? This child doesn't even live in the area so is already taking up a school place of someone local from a highly competitive school. They also always seem to be the first picked for other things that are supposedly random eg a limited club that only a few kids are able to attend. Don't they have enough of a leg up already? I'd understand a little bit of privledge but we're talking about kids who are being given parts with 20-30 lines and a solo to sing vs the rest of the class who are mostly getting 3 or less lines. Nothing justifies that in a group of 6-7 year olds IMO especially when they haven't in any way auditioned or earned the parts. Like I've already said though these little princes/princesses are in for a massive shock when the rest of the class start to notice and when they move to secondary school and learn that their farts don't actually smell like roses. It's them it's harming in the long run.

I'm afraid this is a lot of people's experience of primary school, it's annoying but you probably have to live with it. It feels important now but it becomes less important as they get older. My children were also at a very small school, the children chosen for most things were obvious favourites usually because they had parents working at school.

This is the same old moan “The PTA have time to do this”.
Every parent on our PTA is a full time professional. They make time because they want to contribute and be involved. They give up their evenings to raise funds for the good of everyone’s kids. It’s the same people that give their time up for the local community every time. The same families who are on the PTA, also do weekend coaching for kids sport teams, help with the local church, support other local charities and generally make stuff happen in the village that everyone wants to attend or want their kids to participate in, but aren’t prepared to find the time to contribute.

I was thinking this. I remember once being asked to see if anyone could do an hour on a stall for the Christmas fair.
About half the people asked said they couldn't because they would have their children with them...
As did almost everyone else on a stall. I was doing a stall with a three week old baby on my front, and a 3yo and a 6yo. Many of those saying they couldn't because they had to look after their child, their youngest was 6. I ended up doing the full 3 hours due to lack of volunteers. Most of the people asked were there drinking coffee at the refreshments stall while their DC went round with friends.

The only bonus pta volunteers seemed to get was if they volunteered to help dress the children before a show they could reserve two seats at the show, so would get their choice of seats.

this! Every word resonates and yes I have been at events for hours with my DC3 having to be watched and entertained while DC 6 is left to go and amuse himself on the understanding he MIST NOT LEAVE SCHOOL!!
parents that don’t volunteer and then rock up to enjoy it with their children while mine are largely left to their own devices drive me nuts!

I would say I was in this boat, I was asked to volunteer but couldn’t due to my youngest but felt judge by other parents. Couple of years later my son was diagnosed with ADHD. Knowing this, I felt less guilt as I knew I wasn’t just being lazy not helping out more at that time but I really couldn’t. And yes maybe I did grab a coffee at the event when a friend took him round, but I was also still keeping an eye/ear out and could be back on duty if needed.

Some people have time/ emotional head space to help out and some don’t (some also don’t want to!) less judgement all round I needed.

You've said a lot about how annoyed you are and what your thoughts and feelings are on it.

But what about your child? You said he was merrily chatting away about his friends' parts which doesn't suggest he's all that bothered about it.

So what about what his preference is? Perhaps he doesn't want a part with lines??

This was the same in my daughter's school. I was that parent. After two pre school years of no one liners and the 3rd year of Primary of no part, (parts being dominated by the same children) I contacted the head teacher. I explained that Christmas plays were the children's five minutes of fame. The head teacher explained that my child would be in the choir. I explained that for me to go and watch other children experience the joy of being onstage was my idea of absolute dullness. There is nothing more joyful than seeing your childs face beaming with joy, searching for you in the crowd and sneaking a wave. Head teacher re iterated the importance of the choir. I advised, you invite children to test for roles but not the choir? What if they can't sing, don't like singing or it gives them anxiety. Head teacher advised she would talk to my child the following day. She did and she did not get the response she expected as I prompted the options. To make it quick option 1 participate in the choir or 2 do additional maths (perspective all class 3 were behind in maths, rehearsals blocking time out off standard school day). My daughter chose the maths option. My daughter was beside herself for the fifth year of having no part (before I get berated). I am her mother and whilst I can in this world I needed her to know If I agree I have her back. I gave her resilience in showing that if you are unhappy with a situation you may sometimes find alternative options. Needless to say other mothers (very close smaller school were grateful that I made a stance as they felt the same way but were afraid of retribution). The following year all children had a small part/line. It can be accommodated. Where children did not want to speak they had important back stage roles. Let's face it, if you are being honest with yourselves do you go to watch the choir? Or do you go to wait for that beaming face of your child who means the world to you have their five minutes of fame on stage, so you proudly say, you were great you smashed it 👍. I know which camp I sit in, but that is because there is enough disappointments in life. School plays should not be one of them. Honeybeebuzz I know where you are coming from 👍

I'm a Drama teacher so I cast about 25 plays a year for Nursery age up to Year 8 of all types from small, informal class plays right up to large scale, formally auditioned for musicals. There is no harm in emailing or chatting to ask. Many parents do (at least 3 per production in my experience). And, you know what, sometimes they are right. I firmly believe that 99.5% of teachers cast in the fairest and most inclusive way they can. But we are humans and we have to consider and balance the varied needs, wants and abilities of every child. Mistakes will happen and children will get overlooked. Parents only have to consider the needs, wants and abilities of their own child. And sometimes it's okay to tell someone, politely, that your child is upset, disappointed or keen for more. We might not be able to do anything about it. We might disagree with you. But, if you don't raise it then we certainly can't do anything.

For what it's worth, I do think that all the children in Year 1 should have a line (even if the teacher knows they probably won't say it on the night). I do 2 Nativities - one for EYFS and one for KS1. No Nursery or Year 1 children have any lines at all but every Reception and Year 2 child has 1 or more lines.

I'd like to say i'm surprised that a bunch of grown women are taking swipes at each other over a school play for 5/6 year olds and thinking it's important when it really isn't but this is MN and we see this every year so i'm not.

Still worthwhile pointing out how ridiculous it is and maybe people should get some much-needed perspective though.

FFS this is why they won't do plays, only carol services, after this year and why teachers are leaving the professional en masse. The kids can't all have a main part and if you want the play to look half decent then they will pick the most confident and reliable performers (time in the curriculum for rehearsal is short and there is no time unfortunately for massaging a virtuoso performance from a shy child) so either accept that or be annoyed forever more . You could pay to send to drama class where they all get a turn?
My sister is a primary teacher and was in tears last year about the way parents reacted when the cast list for the school play went out. There were all sorts of accusations flying about. She was trying to put on the best show possible with the limited time and resources schools have. The parents were quite frankly being knobs and she discovered while we were supposed to be having a relaxing day out that the class WhatsApp group was making all sorts of personal comments about her. It ruined our day and she even lost sleep over it. Guess what? The play was great. It happened and the kids moved on. I never had a main part in a primary school play and I can't honestly remember my parents coming to any of them anyway as they both worked. I am a (fairly) well adjusted adult.
The head had to step in with my sister to calm the parents down (more time and energy) and one of the shoutiest ended up getting their way which caused a lot of upset among the staff so long story short the teachers are refusing to do a big production this year. It's assemblies only from now on. The stress for them is not worth it. So there are consequences to every action.

Is he keen though? Or is it you that's keen? I'd definitely be talking to the teacher if I had a sad child at home but can't understand why you'd get involved if he's happy out.

If he seems unfazed I'd leave it he's obviously a decent resilient little dude. If he's bothered just ask the teacher 'is it took late or could he have a small speaking part'.

It maybe your ds asked to be in the chorus.
Can't see the teacher being annoyed either way.

The PTA argument is so annoying. I was a divorce feck all support from ex, worked full time in a public sector role, so not rolling in it at the time, finishing off my PHd.

So quit the winge of I have no time, can't afford. Every person on PTA are professionals, most also volunteer elsewhere. It comes down to priorities.

Every teacher on here has said that if the child is upset speak to them, they won’t mind. Obviously if the child is unfazed and unbothered don’t do that, some kids don’t want a bit part.

Those shouting it’s unreasonable probably haven’t seen the impact on the child who is disappointed for the third year in a row. The impact it has on their confidence, and as a teacher I have seen the positive impact finding the time to make sure every child has something to say has.

Of course not all children can be Mary, but never having the chance to have a line or a moment is also wrong. There are some things that increase teachers stress, a quiet word to share a child’s disappointment so they can find a solution is not one of them.

I am sure Teachers are not leaving on mass due to an end of year school play! The issue you have outlined here is that the selection needed to make the play look half decent! At this age I am guessing 5/6 no one really cares. Most parents are not watching the play, they are only bothered about seeing their child. I do agree that the choice of of play (my daughters plays had no relevance to Christmas at all) make things harder for Teachers! A nativity style ( back in my era) led to an abundance of parts so everyone could be cast as an angel or shepherd, stable tender, inn people and everyone had a line to say even the donkey! Both my parents worked hard, but both turned up to mine and my brothers plays as a child I am surprised to hear that you weren't disappointed. Your saying the play was great so I'm guessing you went to watch your sister's schools performance. For all those kids that didn't get a part, they may not feel the same way! They may not of moved on. Let's face it the world has changed regarding resilience, mental health, etc @miniaturepixieonacid I am intrigued as to what school you work in as no primary school near me has such input into drama.

@Nomorechipsforme it's a prep school - 3-13, independent.

I'm guessing you work in education/teacher recruitment to make such a confident statement about the reasons teachers are leaving?
From my experience teachers do want the play to look decent regardless of the children's ages as they take pride in their work but I concede that the KS2 performance has different standards. My point is that teachers dealing with what some consider to be unreasonable expectations from parents as well as internal pressure is driving the retention crisis. My sister has reduced her hours this year to enable her a better work life balance but she hasn't actually left the profession; DfE stats show that many have.

Does he have a new teacher this year? Is she unaware that his didn't have any lines last year?

@miniaturepixieonacid and that is where the difference may arise as it is not a state school where Drama is a strand as I understand it.

@Motherofacertainage No I absolutely do not, but out of my close peers, 7 of them went into Teaching, so by default I hear their stress and frustrations and I get it. These days it is a thankless task, but by default it has become a harder job. The way we have evolved, there is little to no respect for authority from children or some parents. Teachers need to police, social work, do endless additional work, (which appears odd as the topics my children studied in primary were using exactly the same work sheets and there was a 7 year gap). SEND, encompass new ways of thinking in relation to gender. The list is endless. As I understand it there is a lack of support from SLT's. Your sister by reducing her hours I am sorry to say, will possibly not have resolved her situation as she will be compressing full time potentially into part time which she may find more stressful. But back to the OPs point. Maybe your sister was over thinking parents expectations. Even at KS2 I and my parent friends had no expectations of a great performance as generally unless you are a drama buff no offence but parents don't care. 1 or 2 lines, alot of cock ups, alot of happy jolly children waving at parents and smiling is all you can hope for. Happy children makes for Happy Parents. For that five minutes they shine and trust me, I like most of my peers can tell you whether they had a sh*t part in the school play, how it made them feel and more importantly whether it mattered.

Teachers aren't leaving en masse because of arduous marking policies, poor behaviour, under-funding of classrooms, unrealistic expectations from leadership or endless parental complaints about ridiculous things. They are leaving because all the above have combined to make it a hostile workplace.

The school play is just one more area into which teachers pour hours of unpaid overtime and effort (and often quite a bit of money into little extras for costumes and props), all for the enjoyment of the parents and children, and instead of getting a thank you, they get accusations of nepotism and moaning because not every child got a speaking part.

I know a teacher who gave hours and hours of her time to organise an after-school concert, and introduced one child by only her first name and not her whole name including surname, which was an Asian surname. The parent accused her of not bothering to attempt to pronounce the name because she was racist. The Head sided with the parent. That was the last straw for her and she handed in her resignation.

@MrsSunshine2b If you checked out my next post to @Motherofacertainage you will see I totally get it. I was talking about the school play as that was the thread. Agreed Teaching is a thankless task with absolutely no support. If you don't get support from your SLT you are in effect Effed. I feel for the teacher you mention. I know of children where police have been involved for comments which have been taken out of context. One being football it's a man's game, by a child that was transitioning.

What die s Ricky Gervais say just because you are offended doesn't mean you are right.