To be annoyed child got no part in school play

[Honeybeebuzz]

Child is in Year 1, they do their play with the reception class too. Last year he didn't get a part but we were told it's because most parts go to the Year 1s. Just found out he's not got a part again, just chorus. Its a small school so most do and im not sure why he didn't. He's generally well behaved, confident and doing well academically so not like he couldn't manage a line or two. Just feel a bit sad for him as he's chatting away about the parts his friends got. There's nothing I can do really and im obviously not showing him im annoyed

Honestly let it go. It's not important. As someone who played a villager for every year of my primary school I can promise you it never effected me. Less stressful too!

Could not agree more. The whole thing sounds like an entitled parent who can’t accept her kid wasn’t chosen.

Wait until he doesn’t get chosen for star of the week, or for a school team or to be head student. Sure go and talk to the teacher, be a Karen and start the practise of being that parent.

It sounds like your DS is good at a lot of things.

Maybe the children you are talking about who have been picked twice and are in trouble a lot are ONLY good at this one thing. It's often the kids who are a bit...bubbly...who really excel on stage and throw their whole selves into it.

It's maybe the one time in the academic year they get to shine and feel good about themselves.

When it comes to who gets picked for the school football team, we don't say that they should pick the kids who are average at football but well-behaved, we say they should pick the kids who are really good at football, because kids deserve to be able to do the thing they are really good at and be proud of it.

There's another active thread in 'Chat' from the other perspective. Are they related? 😂

My elder son was a shepherd and seemed fine with it until his friend was a King and then he cried because he wanted to be a king too. We told him there can only be 3 Kings but he somehow negotiated with the teacher and we got a note home saying he'd behaved very well and had been given a promotion to a king so even after roles are assigned they can be changed.

I hope you haven't let you child know your disappointment.

Honestly they just tend to pick the children who can read and speak the best and loudest. There is also a big difference between confident and confident on a stage infront of the rest of your school and parents.

Also honestly no child remembers if they were the lead or even a speaker in year 1 or reception. They only know because parents told them and remind them.

I think it’s the opposite, honestly. The parents who are up at the school, calling and emailing the whole time about every little thing and taking up 80% of your time… it’s like a crying wolf kind of scenario. You just stop taking them seriously and view them as neurotic. Whereas the parent who holds back until there is genuinely an issue to raise means you are much more likely to listen and take them seriously. Pick your battles.

Exactly this. When one teacher does the handover to the next teacher they will warn them about "that parent", i.e. the one who thinks that out of 30 children, the only one that matters is their own and every accommodation should be made in their best interests, and will come in, all guns blazing at every little thing, as if the teacher is under their personal employment. In contrast, teachers are more than happy to hear a valid concern from a parent who is genuinely worried about something which has happened at school or a problem their child is having with school.

Some of the responses on here are very interesting.
I honestly wouldn't care if I was "that parent" I wouldn't let the worry of annoying a teacher stop me from advocating for my child.

"Advocating for my child" in other words, snowplough parenting. Not good for resilience in the longer run. Trying to bend the world to your will isn't really the best approach. What if the other 29 mummies also demand a main role?

Are you advocating for your child though, OP? Has he actually expressed any bother about not having a speaking part? Or is this more about you? I’d ask yourself that question before you potentially upset the apple cart. Teachers are extremely busy and if he’s upset then it can’t hurt to have a friendly chat with the teacher but if he isn’t and it’s just about what you want then you seriously need to consider your priorities.

I think there is a big difference between advocating over real issues for example bullying and SEN diagnosis and support, versus the middle class sharp elbows that in my experience result in the children ending up being quite passive.

Demanding a speaking part in a year 1/R play is not advocating for your child it’s being over the top over something that doesn’t matter one jot in life really.

I am a big fan of writing emails and then following up with a conversation. If smth bothers you then it bothers you; the only person who could shed some light would be the teacher.
"Ms Muddyboots Johny is extremely upset with the fact that he has no role in school play again. Any particular reason why this would be the case?". I wpuld normally string some more on the impact of feeling left out and importance of learning to be confident on stage ,etc.

How is not advocating for your child building their resilience in a long or short run?
It's actually the opposite, they learn that one ought to question things and ask for answers where there are questions.

Your little boy sounds lovely. Unfortunately all children will have disappointments but it is how he learns to deal with them.

I would not do anything but make a real fuss of him afterwards with a treat.

One of my sons was never picked for anything at school. No harm done he is now a confident doctor.

Others were a better fit, don’t get involved u less u want the reputation of the mum with the golden child.

Controversial maybe but I am so glad when my kids don't get a big part in nativity. I thought nativity was a highlight for any parent until I realised how exhausting it is for the kids purely for adult entertainment. My kids have been absolutely shattered every year. Constant rehearsals from mid November and then 2 performances a day to accommodate parents schedules.

It’s more what it says about you than worrying about annoying the teacher. Worry about the things that matter. I also save any bother with the school to things that are actually important, that way they listen. Complain about insignificant stuff and risk more of a ‘here she comes again’ response

They learn that they never have to deal with disappointment or put effort in, because Mummy will always fix everything. Missed too many practices and got dropped from the football team? NBD, Mummy will storm into the coach's office and demand that you're reinstated. Careless about packing your school bag and didn't bring your homework for the third time this week? Mummy will rush to the school office to drop off her little prince's work. Off key in your audition for the talent show? Never mind, auditions are for the little people. Mummy will threaten legal action if you don't get your slot.

In our school.its only the parents who such up to the teachers who get parts. We have one kid whose mother is the head and she gets every starring role, school council.

That's completely skewed IMHO. They learn that speaking up is the way forward. That's how I position it to my child. You should ask questions and ask for what you want, "here is how".

You still haven’t said what your child wants. Talking about friends having speaking parts doesn’t equal in wanting one too. So are you planning to ‘advocate’ for your child or for your bruised ego?

Unless your child was deliberately the only one not picked then yes you are that parent and are being very dramatic about it