12 year old forgot homework, aibu to want to drop it into the school?

[Trumped]

Will she ever learn then? 🙈

I would not. Let her learn. DD forgot her hw a few times last year and got detentions for it. Guess what - this year she has remembered it all the time so far :)

I would. She'll learn about doing nice things for other people, and that people help each other. She won't learn not to occasionally forget things-because if that worked nobody would ever forget anything ever.

I think this is a great point. You parent the child you have. So, while I've said that I'd let my ds take the school sanction instead of taking it in (he generally lacks organisational/ planning skills, and is arguably too relaxed about things so benefits from natural consequences and support from us to be more organised) my dd would find it incredibly stressful (she's being assessed for autism). Mind you, at 8, she's the kind of child who, when asked to pack for a few days away, will have researched where she's going, what the weather will be like, and have every eventuality covered! I don't envisage that she'll forget much when she hits secondary school age. Always amazes me how two children can be so different, despite having the same parents and upbringing!

Personally, I think it depends on whether this is a regular thing. If it's the first time it's happened I would take it in but have a chat this evening about taking responsibility for her own work. I wouldn't take it in a second time.

I work from home, and when we had two cars my three DDs would quite often miss the bus and I'd end up driving them to school so they weren't late. Then my DP changed jobs and had no company car, so used the family car for commuting. We didn't get another car as working from home I didn't need one. The first time one of them missed the bus, she asked if I'd get her a taxi in and I refused. Asked if I would make an excuse to the school to explain their lateness, I refused. Suddenly they all became capable of getting to the bus stop on time.

Maybe I'm just mean though!

Yes, of course I would - help others when you can. It’s a good lesson for children to learn, and most wouldn’t take advantage.

If it was me, and I could, then I would (and have.) I want my kids to know I’ve got their backs.

I dropped in various things to DD1 when she was in the local secondary in Year 7. She was 11/12 not an adult, such a lovely child but naturally scatty and has to work double time to be organised.

She's moved schools now and the new one is very chilled, they don't do any detentions/behaviours points etc anyway. Modern and forward thinking, far better behaviour and results too. If someone forgets something it's not a big deal, they recognise adults forget things all the time (how often I put something by the door and then walk out without it!!)

Speaking as a teacher I would rather you not do this if I'm honest. It's ours the onus on me to print it, Mark it and make sure it gets stuck in.

Generally punishments are only for repeatedly forgetting work, most teachers aren't draconian about it unless it's coursework or similar. I generally can't drop off stuff for my eldest as I'm at work, and she hasn't died from it so far!

I can't see the harm in dropping off very occasionally though. If you're free and don't mind, why not?

It depends on the reason behind why they forgot and how they responded to me help you give by bringing it for them.
I've got two kids with special needs and they have significant issues with memory. Even with all the effort and best will in the world, they have forgotten vital things. They have come up with strategy to try to reduce the amount of times it happens but it's not something they can stop. They are both very grateful for the times when I have helped them and understand that it's not always possible.

I look at it this way. If my DH called and said "Oh no, can you please bring a particular tool to work because I need it" and I would on that particular day, then I do the drop off of the item for my kids. However if I am working or just can't go, then of course they miss out.

I wouldn't.

But I realise this is because at DC's school they firstly very rarely give in physical homework (so this issue wouldn't occur) and also because there isn't really a process for getting "forgotten" things to students. First of all you have to hope someone is in the office when you come in, and if there is they simply leave it on a "lost property" table. So your DC then has to guess that you have brought it in to come and look for it (no phones allowed during school time so you can't ring them and certainly there is no staff available to go and tell them for something that isn't absolutely essential (e.g medication))

If your child goes to a smaller secondary school or they have staff available to manage this sort of thing, then I might consider it as a one off.

If it’s a rare occurrence and I can without too much inconvenience, I will. I want them to know and experience the kind deeds we do for each other in a family.

If it’s becoming a regular occurrence despite being reminded to pack their bags in advance, ensure they have things ready the night before etc and they fail to do so then absolutely not. They need to see their failure to be organised has a consequence and someone can’t repeatedly save them from it.

Emailing it is the worst thing you could do.

It creates extra work for the teacher, if all the other students have done it handwritten in their books. The teacher has to log onto their emails, download it, print it and mark it.

Either bring it to the school physically, or leave it.

My kids rarely forget things, and would find being in trouble really hard, so I would for sure with no qualms. If it was a regular occurrence, or because they were just blase and didn't care, then I probably wouldn't. But they try really hard and appreciate it, so I would.

All depends on situation. You decide.

Unless they were constantly forgetting, I wouldn't refuse on the basis that they need to "learn their lesson".

I honestly think that's a bit patronising to the child and not a helpful way of parenting.

I'd expect them to remember most of the time, but we all forget things occasionally.

It would be no different to if DH/ a friend/ other family member asked me for a favour. I would only refuse if I couldn't for some reason, e.g. if I was working or it was inconvenient.

Take a photo of the homework and send it to her, then she can show the teacher? As long as it's readable on the phone. Teacher might find it funny, but even if it's not the best it does prove that she did it!

just scan it and email it in? saves time all around

It doesn't save time all round.

If the teacher has a pile of 29 physical books to mark and one student has emailed it, they then have to spend extra time going online, downloading it, printing it, and remembering that one particular student's work is on a separate sheet of paper rather than in a book. Very annoying for the teacher.

You're assuming the OP has a scanner.

Not unreasonable at all. I teach my children that we are a team and support each other. I would take in the homework, just as my children would help me out if I forgot something or needed something done.

I would and do drop stuff off that is forgotten, it isn’t often and I know the panic my youngest in particular feel at the prospect of a sanction for forgetting. If it was or became a frequent thing I’d let them take the consequences.

DH is this family’s “most likely to forget” person, I have come to think he genuinely can’t help it but it is frustrating for everyone (mostly him when he arrives at work to find his phone/lunch/laptop are still at home).

Good for you. Just like you would do for anyone else, in the workplace or if it was your DH who had dropped something important

I can't.
The kids leave the house after me, so just have to deal with it.
DS1 has only not got away with it once in 4 years - and went groveling to the teacher the following morning with the homework, and detention got removed.
PE kit, they have to borrow.

From the school side: it's a PIT A to have loads of stuff dropped off.

DS is year 8 and I would but he is autistic and has dyspraxia and gets very upset very easily to him it would be a catastrophic event. That said he's really good about remembering it most of the time becaise he's very worried about being told off if he forgets