12 year old forgot homework, aibu to want to drop it into the school?

[Trumped]

Will she ever learn then? 🙈

I have ADHD that was only diagnosed recently. Thankfully my dad was lovely and always did these things for me when I messed up as a teen because I wouldn't have learned but I would have struggled through constant embarrassment and shame.

If you can then do it if you can’t don’t just like you would for any other human being you care about why does everything have to be a life lesson…..

I've done it once and made it clear it was a one off and wouldn't happen again.
If its clearly a one off I wouldn't mind but if it was a pattern of being unorganised and expecting me to sort it out then no.

If they've done their homework and simply left it on the kitchen table then, yes, I'd bring it in, but remind them at night to put it straight in their bag the night before so they don't forget again.

A one-off yes, not a regular occurrence.

This is what I did for dd when she forgot her work once when she was in year 7. Or maybe I sent it to dd. I forget.

I would take it if it’s out and you see it. Dd contacted me for this piece as she realised her mistake so I had to find it in her stuff.

If I could I would , why not? Sometimes i think there's a completely ott effort on mumsnet to make every interaction with your children a life lesson .. Nothing wrong with modelling kindness too though...

I would and have done as it’s not a regular occurrence and both my children worked really hard at school,

If it's not regular then I would. It's modelling kindness and empathy.

As a one-off its fine.

I would (and did) as a one off. The stress that a detention would have caused mine would have created a bigger problem.

I would as a one off, not if it kept happening. My son is year 8. They’re only 12, it’s normal to forget things occasionally

It didn’t happen often at all, but I’d usually drop off anything dds had forgotten, at least at younger secondary age.

That was probably because even at primary stage my own mother hardly ever made sure I had what was needed, so I was endlessly ticked off for not having this or that. At that age it’s nearly always the parent doing the remembering, not the child, as I was well aware even then.

By senior stage I knew it was entirely down to me, so did (usually) remember what was needed.

I've done it a handful of times over three years, but only when is haven't gone out of my way, ie, I'll drop it in if I'm heading past anyway or have time but I won't go home and get it for him.

Ah I would, ok if it starts happening every week then maybe not but we all forget stuff now and then!

If it's a one off then yes, we all forget things I like to think I am organised and even I have forgotten my laptop and had to turn around on my way to the office

the school will judge you as a helicopter parent

I do for my elder DD because a forgotten book will give her disproportionate stress. The school receptionist is lovely and knows which pupils "need" this support. (The school has an autism Centre and although DD is not supported by it, it means they are very good with the pupils in mainstream who don't need regular support as well.)

We have systems set up at home, but they aren't foolproof... its usually something like picking her the wrong green book out the box, or once forgetting the ingredients which were in the fridge not her cooking bag, which she packed the night before.

Eta... its a five minute walk, so not a major inconvenience.

Ds has contacted me from school to ask me to bring it. As it was incredibly rare for him to forget things I did take it up to reception where he collected it at break.

Also on a day he was sick I handed in his project because it was important to him to get the marks he deserved and he had spent 2 weeks doing it. School were very supportive of this sort of thing though. Their attitude was more how can we support you for doing homework rather than a straight out detention punishment or whatever. They wanted to find the cause of failure to do homework.

Not homework, no. I've dropped cooking ingredients off on one occasion because, well, he wouldn't learn much in food tech without it. But I'm of the opinion that once they get to secondary school it's natural consequences that work best to teach them to be organised and prepared and take personal responsibility. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it though, just quietly let them take the school sanction.

I'm guessing that as the OP is asking the question this isn't a regular occurrence so yes, as a one-off.

I would, I mean I’d drop something off for my DH at work if he forgot it so I wouldn’t treat my children any differently. And, children are still learning how to organise themselves. I’d then just have a chat about organisation and getting everything ready the night before (don’t mean that to sound patronising!). I think we can model kindness and also teach them to manage themselves.

If it’s just a mistake and you are able to I absolutely would.

"When will she ever learn", suggests it's not a one-off.

I used to do it now and again with my DC but when the youngest actually didn't learn, I had to stop.

It was only the numerous detentions that fixed it.

I would. I’d drop something off to a friend or to my DH if I was able to and they’d forgotten something that they needed, without question, and they would do the same for me.

I love my DC and we get on well, why would I want to teach them some kind of lesson?! My DC are also loving and kind to me and if roles were reversed would always go out of their way to help me with anything if I needed them to.