To voluntarily put my child into care

[Crumplesock]

We are at the point now where we think we may need to either put our eldest into the care system or seperate and live in 2 seperate homes to keep our children apart for fear that the eldest will seriously harm the younger two children. However, I'm not sure how we will actually finance two seperate homes (even 2 x 1bedroom flats).

Our son is autistic with a PDA profile. We are low demand parenting, and he does not attend school after being excluded and we are following his lead in Home Education. We followed the At Peace Parenting Course (which is amazing and so insightful, if not a little crazy on price!) but she told us we need to radically accept that this is our son's disability, this is part of it and we need to accommodate it. She shared how her family had to live sperately for a while. We are being advised by all the professionals that we are doing all we can for our son's needs and are accommodating and parenting him in line with his disabilities. But I just feel so broken at it.

As our son is getting bigger, his level of aggression is increasing and becoming harder to manage. We attempt to keep the children separated at all times but this is hard when there is only 1 parent at home and all 3 do need to be watched constantly.

Our other two children, and us parents too, are receiving multiple injuries daily.

Our son has taken to doing home workouts, which is absolutely brilliant and I want to encourage a healthy lifestyle but his strength is crazy. I've witnessed him do 20+ pull ups, he can now lift 1.5× his bodyweight in a Deadlift. I spoke to him about this passion of his and he said its so he can always make sure he is the strongest and to make people scared of him.

I know deep down there's a scared boy in there, whose doing this as a reaction to school trauma and being pushed around by school bullies (he had it quite bad). But it also terrifies me at how he is stronger than me and it won't be long before he levels with my husband.

I have spoke to Social Sevices today who has said they'll get a support package and stated that this is Child-on-parent (and sibling) abuse and that they do need to safe guard our other children

I said I would want to ensure it didn’t impact the security of the other children. I didn’t state that it would I said I would want to ensure that it didn’t, which might involve taking further professional advice before acting. Being hostile and calling my post ‘shite’ was inflammatory, particularly when subsequent posters agreed that it might be wise to exercise caution.

What has happened to this thread?

I imagine making pejorative remarks about service users on social forums like MN is a disciplinary offence for people who work in Children's Services.

Okay so prepping for the EHCP

What evidence is best for me to have for this?

We are aiming for potentially a residential placement or a solid EOTAS package that can mean we get appropriate help in managing his risk behaviour.

Are you still waiting for the LA EP to do an assessment and produce a report?

Sorry, first things first, have they agreed to assess?

They being the LA - sorry, multi-tasking very badly.

If the LA agrees to assess, they must seek advice and information from:
a) the child’s parent or the young person;
b) educational advice (usually from the headteacher or principal);
c) medical advice and information from a health care professional;
d) psychological advice and information from an educational psychologist;
e) advice and information in relation to social care;
f) advice and information from any other person the local authority thinks appropriate;
g) where the child or young person is in or beyond year 9, advice and information in relation to provision to assist the child or young person in preparation for adulthood and independent living; and
h) advice and information from any person the child’s parent or young person reasonably requests that the local authority seek advice from.

In DS’s case, under H, you should request SALT, OT (including SIOT), psychiatrist &/or clinical psychologist. It can also include things like physio if that is relevant to DS.

Ultimately, if you have to appeal, you will need independent assessments. Which ones you should prioritise will depend on what evidence you already have, which type of appeal it is (refusal to assess which you probably already have enough evidence for, refusal to issue, or content/placement) and the quality (or not!) of the LA’s reports. Ed psych, ISW and/or OT are likely to be the most helpful in your case.

That's a bit strong. Most people who put children into care have suffered years of domestic violence. One third of adoptions break down. Adopters are sold an unrealistic story, that love will be enough, when taking on extremely damaged children who often have foetal alcohol syndrome, for which there is no treatment. Most adopters are left to do what they can with minimal help from social services. Most adopters still parent from a distance even if the child can't stay at home. I hope that you are not suggesting that adopters frivously put children into care because it will be the cumulation of years of off the scale behaviour. Do you have any training in supporting adopters? Do you understand what it is like to live in a home where you have to lock everything away, including the knives?

The panel refused his EHCP stating his needs aren't great enough despit acknowledging that he does have SEN and is suicidal.

Was it a refusal to assess or refusal to issue? Have you appealed?

That sounds really tough. I'm sorry you are going through it.

I hope social services can help. I know of one family with similar dangerous behaviour from their teenage child where the only way to guarantee everyone's safety was to have a 1:1 support worker with their teenager 24 hours a day - They described it as like living with a security guard watching you at all times. That may be better than sending your eldest away, which could make his behaviour even worse.

Refusal to assess, they said that he doesn't meet the threshold for an assessment. I quoted back the legislation and she just responded "then you'll have to appeal"

Definitely appeal. DS does meet the legal threshold. It is relatively low - a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need special educational provision to be made via an EHCP. The second part of the test is the part LAs usually say DC don’t meet.

Start collating your evidence. Submit SARs to the LA, previous school, GP and any other professional involved with DS. Think about whether you need independent assessments. Since the legal test is relatively low, you may have or be able to get enough evidence without the need for independent assessments.

Gosh LAs make you sick.

They likely haven't even read the letter.

They just knock back as a matter of course. It really is survival of the fittest.

As @BrightYellowTrain DS clearly meets the criteria. Appeal.

are you still within the timeframe to appeal? The legal threshold for assessment is very low and a win to get an assessment in your situation is a given:

Legally, if the answer to the question below is a yes, they MUST assess:

• The child or young person has or may have special educational needs (SEN)
• It may be necessary for special educational provision to be made for the child or young person in accordance with an EHC plan

The letter states "we acknowledge that your child has SEN and is currently struggle to receive a suitable and full time education but at this time your child does not meet the threshold for an assessment for an EHCP"

Got the letter today.

I've just instructed Birketts to take this to Judicial Review and Appeal too. As been advised they should be at least providing some education right now

The letter states "we acknowledge that your child has SEN and is currently struggle to receive a suitable and full time education but at this time your child does not meet the threshold for an assessment for an EHCP"

Got the letter today.

I've just instructed Birketts to take this to Judicial Review and Appeal too. As been advised they should be at least providing some education right now

This is absolutely awful. I don't even agree with the EHCP system and think it's completely unworkable / materially impossible to give them to all children with SEN, but if ever there was a child who needs one it's your son. So much bad faith from the authorities, I'm really sorry.

They don't give them to all chikdren with SEN that's the point ,there are loads of children that could do with an EHCP who don't have one.

impossible to give them to all children with SEN

There is plenty wrong with the EHCP system and wider SEN system, but EHCPs are not, and never have been, intended to be for all children with SEN.

If you have been turned down you can appeal. You should also be offered mediation. It is worth taking up the offer as you can make your case tovthe LA direct and they sometimes do back down.

Yes, my understanding is that we need to get a mediation certificate first (doesn't necessarily mean we have to do it but I think we will).

I've had a further response from the SEND QUADRANT who have stated that they haven't agreed to assess because there's a lack of evidence that he definitely needs an EHCP and what would help him.

I've replied already stating that in their own reason for refusal letter that it is clear they 1. Recognise he has SEN and 2. That he may benefit from an EHCP, the two criteria to decide whether to assess. So definitely going to appeal.

There’s a lack of evidence that he needs an ehcp? That’s what the bloody assessment is for! Not having a go at you, OP, just infuriated with the system. My dc, who is years behind her peers in every area (not great when you’re only a pre/schooled) was told she’s not severe enough for a needs assessment. I’m really glad you’re appealing. Good luck.

Ikr! I'm infuriated! The SEND Qaudrant then had the audacity to phone my husband and inform him that I am wrong about all this and he needs to have words with me! And attempted to get him to agree over the phone to not take it further! Needless to say, this is going further.

This is Essex, just in case anyone here's dealt with them before too at being this awful