To voluntarily put my child into care

[Crumplesock]

We are at the point now where we think we may need to either put our eldest into the care system or seperate and live in 2 seperate homes to keep our children apart for fear that the eldest will seriously harm the younger two children. However, I'm not sure how we will actually finance two seperate homes (even 2 x 1bedroom flats).

Our son is autistic with a PDA profile. We are low demand parenting, and he does not attend school after being excluded and we are following his lead in Home Education. We followed the At Peace Parenting Course (which is amazing and so insightful, if not a little crazy on price!) but she told us we need to radically accept that this is our son's disability, this is part of it and we need to accommodate it. She shared how her family had to live sperately for a while. We are being advised by all the professionals that we are doing all we can for our son's needs and are accommodating and parenting him in line with his disabilities. But I just feel so broken at it.

As our son is getting bigger, his level of aggression is increasing and becoming harder to manage. We attempt to keep the children separated at all times but this is hard when there is only 1 parent at home and all 3 do need to be watched constantly.

Our other two children, and us parents too, are receiving multiple injuries daily.

Our son has taken to doing home workouts, which is absolutely brilliant and I want to encourage a healthy lifestyle but his strength is crazy. I've witnessed him do 20+ pull ups, he can now lift 1.5× his bodyweight in a Deadlift. I spoke to him about this passion of his and he said its so he can always make sure he is the strongest and to make people scared of him.

I know deep down there's a scared boy in there, whose doing this as a reaction to school trauma and being pushed around by school bullies (he had it quite bad). But it also terrifies me at how he is stronger than me and it won't be long before he levels with my husband.

I have spoke to Social Sevices today who has said they'll get a support package and stated that this is Child-on-parent (and sibling) abuse and that they do need to safe guard our other children

I've sent the following letter to the Director of Children's Services.

We are writing as the parents of Child to inform you that he does not have a suitable school place, and to request that the local authority (“LA”) arrange either suitable education within his allocated school or provide alternative education in accordance with its duty under section 19 of the Education Act 1996.

The LA was made aware of Child requiring suitable and full time education on the 8th November 2024 and it clearly states in the statutory guidance entitled: ‘Arranging education for children who cannot attend school because of health needs’. (page 7) that LAs should provide a suitable and full time education as soon as it is clear that the child will be away from school for 15 days or more, whether consecutive or cumulative, and should do so at the latest by the sixth day of the absence. Note that today is the 18th November 2024.

At present the school, XX Primary School, that the LA has allocated Child is not suitable. Child’s Special Educational Needs and disability are not being accommodated by the LA in their consideration of what is a suitable education for Child. This is discrimination by the LA under the Equality Act 2010 as well as a failure to ensure they fulfil their duty under section 19 of the Education Act 1996.

The LA have stated that they have fulfilled their duty by allocating Child a place at XX Primary School however, I understand that under section 19 of the Education Act 1996, the LA has a statutory duty to secure suitable, full-time alternative education for those children of compulsory school age who, by reason of illness, exclusion or otherwise, may not for any period receive suitable education unless such arrangements are made for them.
Child has special educational needs and I have attached his former school’s One Plan, Risk Reduction Plan and Accommodation Requests with this letter documentation which confirms their special educational needs and the special educational provision they had been receiving through SEN Support at his former school. Child has also already exhausted the use of IPRA funding and has been known to the LA since 2022. No support has yet gone far enough to accommodate his needs in a mainstream school. At his former school, the accommodations could not be delivered for Child which resulted in a series of suspensions directly linked to his disability and his unmet need. The LA was made aware of this history when seeking a school provision again, yet the LA did not make XX aware of these matters.

XX advised the LA that they cannot accommodate Child’s SEN but the LA stated the school must take him. The school have stated that they will not be able to safeguard Child or other children and that Child’s SEN accommodations are in direct conflict with the school’s “non-negotiables” and incompatible with the efficient education of other children. In the Deputy Head Teacher’s own words, “the LA is setting him up to fail”. The LA has not fulfilled its duty as XX is not a suitable place of education for Child.

It is not that mainstream education is necessarily unsuitable for Child but that there is an incompatibility with the education of other children in the school and that no provisions are being provided to help Child receive a suitable education. XX have stated that they can only accommodate Child for 1hour a day; this is not a full time education.

It is necessary for the LA to ensure the education Child is entitled to is arranged by the LA to be suitable and full time as set out under section 19 of the Education Act 1996. I understand LA must provide this education for Child immediately. If the LA believes that this could be possible at XX then there is a requirement to put a plan forward by the LA on how the LA can support the school to accommodate Child’s SEN. Currently XX are receiving no assistance by the LA.

There are numerous Case Law that set out how the LA should be ensuring a suitable education is being provided for a child, such as Child, and I want to draw your attention to some of them below;

R v East Sussex County Council, ex parte Tandy / Inre T (A Minor) [1998] 884
R. (on the application of Y) v Croydon LBC [2015] EWHC 3033 (Admin); [2016] E.L.R. 138
R (LB) v Surrey County Council [2022] EWHC 772 (Admin)
Bury Metropolitan Borough Council v SU [2010] UKUT 406 (AAC)
TM v Hounslow [2009] EWCA Civ 859

I therefore request that the LA carry out their duty by ensuring that Child can have access to a suitable and full time education by either assisting XX in accommodating Child’s SEN and disability or by arranging other alternative education.

Please respond to this letter within five working days, to advise of the arrangements for Child’s suitable education. If a suitable place of education is not agreed, I shall begin the next stages towards a Compliance Notice and then, if required, a Judicial Review.

Yours faithfully,

Mr & Mrs Crumplesock

Well done. I do hope it gets them moving.

Wow, very impressive! Good luck - and keep us posted.

Great letter OP.

Thank you. No idea if anything will come of it. I have emailed two solicitors to ask for assistance.

Social Care phoned today, in the way of the Family Solutions teams. Absolutely no idea why they're called that when all they actually are is a Verbal Google Search Engine, although actually they gave me so much incorrect advice that I had to keep correcting them. They don't actually have any solutions, all they can do is refer on your behalf or tell you where to self-refer. They always reeled off a list of charities (99% weren't appropriate).

There is a really high threshold for social care for children. It is generally only those with serious health conditions or those with multiple and complex needs - those in wheelchairs and non verbal etc. My daughter had a mld and went to the mld school but no one qualified unless they had something like epilepsy on top. My daughter developed epilepsy when she was 14 and suddenly did qualify but the services available were inappropriate. She went on a residential trip - none of the others could talk, they were in nappies, needed hoists. She had no peers in the group and she wouldn't go back.

It is generally only those with serious health conditions or those with multiple and complex needs - those in wheelchairs and non verbal etc.

This is what children’s services would like parents to believe but it is not the law.

Your DD’s provision was obviously unsuitable, but children’s services could/should have provided more appropriate provision rather than the alternative being nothing.

@Crumplesock

Wow, great letter. You sound like you’ve found your inner tiger.

With my DC, I feel like we are embracing the neurotypical behaviour - and trying to remove any clouds of negativity that hang over, and to focus on his happiness. I feel like I’ve created a bubble where I think @@@@ the rest of the world - this is us. This is how we need to do things. I hate that schools appear to have quite a rigid box of what they deem ‘normal’ and don’t see the need to change their practice/methods to support all children.

We have an EHCP, but that was a battle. I made my own application before he started preschool, and I’m gobsmacked that your school hasn’t supported you to start this path? Is that right?

Have speech and language ever been involved? Developmental paediatrician? Occupational therapy?

Social services where I live can give money for Short Breaks. I don't know if that is a nationwide thing. It's about £80 a month, but can be used for activities.

Might be worth asking about OP if you have the energy.

And that is a great letter, really really well done.

There is respite here, have signed up but unfortunately there's none free until June next year, it's only a 4hr day too, not entirely sure DS will cope with that.

Private SALT, NHS SALT was too long of a wait so we went private on that. We have a private OT at the therapy farm. His previous school did get him a therapy dog though, which was nice but not really what he needed and caused great upset that it wasn't his dog and he misses him.

Even if there isn’t space at an organised respite centre/group, children’s services could provide a PA (or funding for one if you would prefer to source your own) to support DS at home &/or in the community. Don’t let them fob you off by saying there’s nothing they can do because the demand on social care is too high.

They did provide clubs for people like her - I'm talking specifically about children's social care. For a while we got a free Merlin annual pass every year too. But the respite, social worker, trips away etc were at a really high threshold.

They have given us free annual tickets to the local Zoo, aquarium and adventures parks but that's not what we need. We can't barely function inside the home, let alone out in public

No, I agree, that is the last thing you need. Most people use the Short Breaks funding where I am to pay for things like animal therapy. You used to be able to use it to pay for some respite care but I am not sure if that is still the case.

I was also talking about children’s social care. The law does not say it is ‘generally only those with serious health conditions or those with multiple and complex needs - those in wheelchairs and non verbal etc.’ Although that is what the LA want parents to believe.

Go back to children’s services. They need to provide support that is exactly suitable and appropriate to DS’s needs.

Yesz but that's not simple either ,I know,loads of families who get direct payments but are unable to find a suitable PA ,I don't want to be dismissive but I have a disabled child so I know that it's not case simple as saying but they are entitled
My son is,14 and i think we have a fairly reasonable respite package now ,but it's taken years to get this, currently he gets a day a week during every school holiday ( apart from xmas) in a special need play scheme ,he also goes to the same place every other Saturday
And we get two over nights respite a month but it's not been a simple process

@x2boys I also have disabled DC and support other families with disabled children across the country, so I know exactly what the reality is. I didn’t say it was simple. I also know children’s services like to pass the buck and don’t do anything unless forced.

There is a crisis in care, but there is more children’s services can do than shrug their shoulders, say they can’t help and it’s up to you to find someone suitable and if you can’t because of the demand it is tough. For example, they could fund the respite at a higher rate to attract more staff, they could fund more specialist staff, they could fund 2:1 which often attracts people… There are options they can try rather than just saying ‘nothing we can do’. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Parents who keep going back to press children’s services and force their hand get better support. It shouldn’t be like that. It fails the most vulnerable. However, it isn’t going to change in the foreseeable, sadly.

I'm.not disagreeing with you all disabled children should have their needs Met but it's often the case of the parents that shout the loudest get the most services and it shouldn't be like that

@x2boys I agree, it shouldn’t be like that. I said as much in my pp. I’m afraid it isn’t going to change in the near future.

We also get direct payments and can't find a PA. We use it for the few hours we do get and for 1:1 swimming lessons.
Luckily one of the carers does evening babysitting and we have her booked for Sat to go to a very fancy restaurant for a tasting menu! So that's something!

That's so sad about the dog.
Years ago I worked {With horses} and there was a non Verbal Autistic lad there who was great around the horses-he never wanted to ride, {despite being free to} but he was a really hard grafter- It was him and me who used to stack the hay and straw {backbreaking work}-while the other staff ran off to do a lighter chore. The horses liked him.
There used to be 'The Fortune Centre' Now called the Fortune college- seems to be for older children, but who knows, your son in 8 years time could go there.. {Horses}

www.fortune.ac.uk

I'll take a look at that. He really wants to grow up to be a farmer. He's had various days working on farms and loves that sort of work, he adores cows.

Some schools have farms or at least animals - my local secondary school has one for example. It is less likely at primary but some of the residential schools might have something. Many do a form of equine therapy.

Community farms might also be worth a look then. I don't know where you are but something like this might be possible nearby. They do brilliant "be a farmer for a day" things for holiday childcare, a day programme from adults with SEN and now they've moved into alternative provision.

https://www.southamptoncityfarm.com/alternative-provision.html