To voluntarily put my child into care

[Crumplesock]

We are at the point now where we think we may need to either put our eldest into the care system or seperate and live in 2 seperate homes to keep our children apart for fear that the eldest will seriously harm the younger two children. However, I'm not sure how we will actually finance two seperate homes (even 2 x 1bedroom flats).

Our son is autistic with a PDA profile. We are low demand parenting, and he does not attend school after being excluded and we are following his lead in Home Education. We followed the At Peace Parenting Course (which is amazing and so insightful, if not a little crazy on price!) but she told us we need to radically accept that this is our son's disability, this is part of it and we need to accommodate it. She shared how her family had to live sperately for a while. We are being advised by all the professionals that we are doing all we can for our son's needs and are accommodating and parenting him in line with his disabilities. But I just feel so broken at it.

As our son is getting bigger, his level of aggression is increasing and becoming harder to manage. We attempt to keep the children separated at all times but this is hard when there is only 1 parent at home and all 3 do need to be watched constantly.

Our other two children, and us parents too, are receiving multiple injuries daily.

Our son has taken to doing home workouts, which is absolutely brilliant and I want to encourage a healthy lifestyle but his strength is crazy. I've witnessed him do 20+ pull ups, he can now lift 1.5× his bodyweight in a Deadlift. I spoke to him about this passion of his and he said its so he can always make sure he is the strongest and to make people scared of him.

I know deep down there's a scared boy in there, whose doing this as a reaction to school trauma and being pushed around by school bullies (he had it quite bad). But it also terrifies me at how he is stronger than me and it won't be long before he levels with my husband.

I have spoke to Social Sevices today who has said they'll get a support package and stated that this is Child-on-parent (and sibling) abuse and that they do need to safe guard our other children

A near dead mother made it possible.
He’s not at school now, but still there.

If a child / teen to adult is actually dangerous to those around them, what is the alternative?

Jail for when murder or manslaughter occurs?

Far better to pre- empt that.

I'd stop digging if I were you.

You don't seem to understand how many children need help Vs the extremely limited resources available in the system or the timescales involved in jumping through hoops to determine whether or not you meet thresholds.

And spoiler alert: the OP as already told us her LA's position is DS must attend mainstream as in their view he doesn't meet the threshold to be considered for ANY form of special education yet, least of all mega costly residential.

Most people do not get specialist provision of any sort without appealing at least once to a First Tier Tribunal following the issue of an EHC plan naming a mainstream school (and before that they may have to appeal more than once to get an EHC assessment and even an inadequate plan issued). The lead time for EACH of these appeals is currently about 10 months and OP would need compelling evidence.

This is a process that may take years and has no guaranteed outcome, which is why it is imperative that OP also gets therapeutic support, help with safety planning and psychoeducation and management, and adequate psychological and psychiatric assessment in parallel.

So glad things may be looking a little more hopeful- like glimpsing a thin line of of land on the horizon while still on a stormy sea- It will take a while to reach land, but hopefully you will get there.

It's ridiculous that you have to jump through these hoops {getting excluded from a second school &c} That in itself is a pointless waste of time and energy - just give the residential school without all the pointless hoop jumping.

It's obvious your 8 year old needs it.

It will give a valuable breathing space for the younger children, and you.
Your 8 year old might thrive without having to compete with the younger siblings.

Do you think the near death mother didn't also give it her all?
It's extremely arrogant to assume she didn't.
She too loves her son, who was entirely average until he was two.

It is unlikely he will ever be able to live outside of a supervised, secure community. {No longer a 'child'}

I don't doubt that she did.

What is upsetting is your fanciful idea that this is just a matter of the OP 'preempting' this by arranging to have her child placed elsewhere.

To answer some questions;
• no other family support
• no spare room in the home
• DLA money gets spent on his private farm therapy, private OT support and horse riding
• he is formally diagnosed with ASD
• he has been assessed for ADHD (hasn't got it)

You can't just magic places up ,just because someone you have a very tenuous link with has a child in a residential school doesn't mean it's possible for others ,you sound clueless..

Residential is now way beyond the end of the line of what is typically offered to even severe cases The OP must prove she has tried and exhausted all other options ( schools, medication, counselling, respite, home support packages) over a long period of time and that she has the full support of a wide range of professionals (preferably NHS/LA ones) - and she must be prepared for the long haul - very long. We can't change that by saying we think she needs help more urgently - so do lots of families living in crisis.

What week of the EHCP process are you on? Is the LA sticking to the timescales so far? The EHCP process is governed by statutory timescales. If the LA breaches them, you can force the LA to act, via judicial review if necessary. Have you requested the LA seeks advice and information from everyone who needs to be contacted?

Social care should be asked for advice and information and they should not delay providing support until an EHCP is finalised. They should provide support straight away. JR can help here too if they refuse support.

You might have to appeal, many do, but DS does not need to go back into mainstream before getting a specialist placement. If you have to appeal, you can request the hearing is expedited on the basis DS is not in school.

In the meantime, if you don’t want to continue to EHE (and personally I wouldn’t because doing so makes it easier for the LA to fob you off.), inform the LA you are no longer home educating, DS is unable to attend school and they must make suitable alternative arrangements for his education under section 19 of the Education Act 1996. This education doesn’t have to look like traditional education. It has to be what is suitable. It could include the things you are currently spending the DLA on. If the LA refuses, delay or ignores you, as they often do, email the Director of Children’s Services threatening Judicial Review. If that doesn’t work, you will need a pre-action letter. SOSSEN can help with this free of charge, but there is a wait, so if you can afford it, you may want to look elsewhere. If that doesn’t work, judicial review proceedings themselves will.

HRC/LRM is not nearly £10k pa. It is £108.55 and £28.70 per week, plus the £10 Christmas bonus. That is £7,147 per year.

Scope’s latest disability price tag research shows disabled households need an additional £1,010 a month to have the same standard of living as non-disabled households. This would be more with inflation since the latest research was undertaken. This figure is on top of disability benefits. Many people can’t afford to use DLA for private medical care.

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@BrightYellowTrain unfortunately that is what I've quoted to the LA and they've said that their duty is done as they've offered him a place at the nearest mainstream and that until a EHCP plan states otherwise, they don't have to place him anywhere else.

We have been seen by a private psychiatrist in London. The first appointment was in person and £900 but they have offered follow ups virtually and at a much lower cost. They have provided medication for my son which so far seems to be helping, and I think we only waited about three weeks for an appointment. We ended up having to go out of area as there was nothing locally to us and CAMHS were unable to say how long we would be waiting for assessment. If you would like the information about the clinic let me know.
Hope you manage to get the help and support that you all need.

The LA is lying to you. They often do, unfortunately. That is why I explained how to force them to act if they refuse, delay or ignore your request.

Email the Director of Children’s Services threatening Judicial Review. If that doesn’t work, send a pre-action letter (via contacting SOSSEN or looking elsewhere). If the pre-action letter doesn’t work, judicial review proceedings themselves will.

@BrightYellowTrain thank you, I am taking notes. I am often niave in thinking what they are saying is true, as I struggle with why it wouldn't be (I can be quite black and white thinking too)

@BrightYellowTrain is right. If a child is unable to be in mainstream school for any reason then under s. 19 Education Act the LA must put in full time alternative provision, they can't say they've offered an unsuitable school and that this discharges their duty.

On the LA website you should be able to see what the Local Offer is for your LA.

My son ended up with a tutor coming into the house in the short term then long term on an EOTAS provision.

@Crumplesock the system shouldn’t be like it is, but it isn't going to change in the foreseeable future and it will save you a lot of time and stress later down the line if you learn now to check anything the LA (or a school) tells you.

Similarly, be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good, but many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies.

@lifeturnsonadime your DS has done amazingly well. (Not a stalker, I promise. I also have DSs with EOTAS and we have ‘spoken’ before.)

Yes SENDIASS have just been repeating same as LA, also they stated that we should be putting our DS into a mainstream school because he has a right there and we should be fighting the discrimination of the school saying they don't want him. The school stated they can't meet his One Plan or his reasonable adjustments and will struggle to facilitate learning around his therapies. The school did try to refuse him but the LA said they had to take him otherwise they'll be charged with discrimination. The HT and I had a long phone call about how broke the system is and how her plan will be to exclude him one day 1 (assuming he doesn't cope well) and so DH will be staying on site waiting for that.

When we went to tribunal for residential we got a report from an independent social worker together with an EP, OT and SALT. The EP is the most important one but a SW one is definitely beneficial when seeking residential. If you want to I’m happy to share all the experts we used.

Ignore SENDIASS. If you wanted DS to attend a MS, they would have to admit (except in very specific circumstances covered by the admissions code where the school believes the child will show challenging behaviour and the school has a high proportion of students with challenging behaviour or PEX and admitting another pupil with challenging behaviour would prejudice the provision of efficient education or the efficient use of resources.). That doesn’t mean DS will be able to cope with attending, though. Forcing him is likely to cause further trauma. And DS being on the school’s roll but unable to attend wouldn’t relieve the LA of their duty to provide s19 provision, anyway.

The school sound useless did they not even apply for an EHCP?
A one plan is,the same as an iep I think ,which is not a legal document just sorthingvthe school has done internally
An EHCP is a legal document and attract, s extra funds ,for 1:1 etc ,and they cant just say they can't meet your child's needs they have to prove they can't.

I really think you are right that the SW would be essential in this, as these places are few and far between so need to go to children who really need them for continuity.

A good OT, sensory integration report and EP will be able to recommend a residential setting too if this is felt to be best for the child.

For some children it really is because it stops the daily transitions which are hard for some children to cope with.

i am glad you got what your child needed @Tangerinenets

Just because your friend has been successful doesn’t mean the OP will be. She’s also clearly said that she’s been told he doesn’t meet the threshold for residential at the moment. She has to exhaust every other option and then some before there will even be an offer of residential - and that’s assuming anything is available. You seem to think these places are ten a penny. They’re not. They’re a last resort.

Where are you getting your figures from. HRC/LRM is nowhere near £10,000 a year - it’s only just over £7000. And her son will have other needs that have to be funded - DLA can’t even come close to covering it all.

Well clearly the LEA don't think its obvious the child need it and its their opnion that counts
I'm not sure why you keep posting as your posts lack any kind of knowledge and are not helpful