What would you have done ?

[Gifgaf]

I feel like I know the answer to my own question but I've been made to feel really awkward about it, so curious what others would have done ?

My SIL DC who is 10 jumped on my DC cot and broke it. I am due to have another DB and was not intending to buy a new cot but now because it's broken, I will have to get one. I was fuming about it and mentioned to DH who has downplayed it and had no intentions to bring up his DS about sorting out. However, DH and his DS had talks about purchasing expensive beds and tech devices for her DS and I got annoyed and thought well if you're ok with my DH splashing on your kid, then why can't DS fix the problem her DC caused. I called SIL and told her that her DC had broken the cot and needed to be replaced etc.

Anyways, it's been really awkward since because I feel as though I should have kept quiet and just purchased out my own money since it's "close family".

AIBU for taking matters into my hands or AINBU ??

Your issue is now with your husband not your sister in law. Why are you trying to drive them apart?

I'm of the opinion accidents happen. I'd just have let it go to bed honest.

If we were really really really struggling for money and there was absolutely no way to fix the cot, and I could not afford to get another or fix this one at all, I'd talk to DH and workout what to do and he'd probably discuss with sil about borrowing a cot from them or something.

Did your husband specifically tell you to leave it?

I’m not really understanding why you went to your SiL, rather than going to your DH and saying ‘We need to be replacing the cot that DN destroyed before you start thinking about spending money on expensive stuff for him, so will you be getting the money off SiL? Or will you be taking it out of DN’s present budget? Because I want it assembled and ready to be used’. Why would you need to buy it out of your personal money? Don’t you have access to family money?

I can see why you would have done that. Very annoying. I don't know what the relational fallout will be though.

Sil should have offered money towards a new cot really. But I wouldn't force it as accidents happen and she might think well you were ok with the kid being in there so...

If you're desperate go on fb marketplace and mention this is what you need to do.

and just purchased out my own money
Your money or joint DH and you/family money?

If you/he pays for the new cot will there be sufficient funds left over for the nephew?

I’d have been annoyed but let it go. He’s 10 and accidents happen.

Is there a large discrepancy in the finances of the two families?

Can you fix the cot?

If DH has enough spare cash to buy DN tech and beds, he can pop a cot on the order.

Usually I'd have been annoyed in silence and not said anything. However, he's 10 and I've made it clear number of times to not be jumping on sofas or beds as "accidents" happen and things break. It happened while I was away, he's big enough to know you don't jump on a baby cot bed.

No unfortunately it can't be fixed anymore. Well that was my point really, if it's ok for DH to splash money on things for DN then SIL shouldn't have an issue either. It's more the entitled behaviour that annoys me, SIL DC is not more important than mine and DH DC, so the same way SIL would expect me and DH to cover costs than why shouldn't she ..

Well SIL DC broke the bed so I'd imagine a new baby having a safe cot to sleep in would be more important than DIL DS having the latest PS5..

Yes she should have but she's quite entitled and that kind of attitude annoys me. I did look on FB marketplace but we agreed to buy a new one as we found one with a really good sale which was near enough for the same price as FB

I agree with you totally. Unfortunately your DH does not.

So many families have separate money so I was asking if DH expects you to pay out of your wages or if you have shared finances etc. The former would make him a total wanker (and me asking you what else he does), the latter would make me ask if he was on minimum wage or over 100k. Again the first would make him more of a wanker, the second not so much.

I did approach my DH so he could solve it without me getting involved. However, when I overheard him downplaying it to his family it really annoyed me! There was no apology or offer to help replace, I may have just said don't worry about it. However, why when it comes to DN it's a 3 way call on getting him the latest but for my DC me and DH it's never as important.

I didn't force it on her, I mentioned it and made clear if it wasn't possible then we would just get it but to let me know as I need to get it asap.

No, I addressed it to him numerous times and he did nothing about it so I took matters into my hands.

I wouldn't say that's driving them apart at sll. If anything her comments caused a stir between me and DH.

It sounds like you’re being a bit petty and wanting to prove a point. A PS5 is really expensive, most people would never spend that much on a nephew and that implies you’ve got a lot of disposal income and are wonderfully generous. Seriously what a lucky boy! So why is buying a new cot bed that you could get in ikea for ~£50 a big deal? I get that he shouldn’t have been jumping on the beds, and he behaved badly and I hope he was told off and apologised but he is a child and it was an accident so I’d consider the matter closed at that point. Or is this maybe a DH and a separate finances issues? It’s possible I’m not getting it so feel free to correct me. But my point is, if you have £400 spare to spend on a nephew then £50 on a cot shouldn’t be a big deal.

Why did the initial break make you so angry? Is it about money? Or something else

I don't agree with these responses, a 10 year old should not be playing in a baby's cot ffs.
It's her fault as a parent for allowing him in there in the first place and yes accidents do happen but it shouldn't mean that the op bow has to replace an expensive item. SIL should have at least offered some money towards a new one most decent people would do this.

It's not really a fall out. However, I just feel awkward now like I've done something wrong. Me and DH have a lot of expenses coming up and with a new DB we need to prioritise what's important and frankly sounds harsh but my DH splashing money on his DN buying latest tech is not a priority over his own DC. I've never stopped him in the past but there's a time for everything. Unfortunately SIL DC caused a problem that he was old enough to know not to cause, he did the same with my sofa after telling him numerous times not to jump on it. SIL DC also got us locked out once and had to replace locks that came up to £300 I didn't say anything but DH split the costs with SIL. I can't see the situation being any different now.

But its the principle of it, why should it matter how much money they have? DN broke it so SIL should at least put some money towards it.

Blimey, it takes some going to break a cot and a sofa. If the little oaf had broken my stuff, I'd want SIL to pay for replacement..and I'd want the child disciplined so that he doesn't jump on stuff he's been told not to.