What would you have done ?

[Gifgaf]

I feel like I know the answer to my own question but I've been made to feel really awkward about it, so curious what others would have done ?

My SIL DC who is 10 jumped on my DC cot and broke it. I am due to have another DB and was not intending to buy a new cot but now because it's broken, I will have to get one. I was fuming about it and mentioned to DH who has downplayed it and had no intentions to bring up his DS about sorting out. However, DH and his DS had talks about purchasing expensive beds and tech devices for her DS and I got annoyed and thought well if you're ok with my DH splashing on your kid, then why can't DS fix the problem her DC caused. I called SIL and told her that her DC had broken the cot and needed to be replaced etc.

Anyways, it's been really awkward since because I feel as though I should have kept quiet and just purchased out my own money since it's "close family".

AIBU for taking matters into my hands or AINBU ??

He's quite careless or when he does something tries to be sneaky and not say anything. However, that's no fault of his, that's completely his DM. I remember when he was a toddler and me and DH were engaged and they were staying at his place and the DN accidentally got food on the wall and it happened right in front of me, his DM response was "oh let's not tell uncle about it" and literally left it there. I am sure you can probably imagine what shes like.

Sounds like you missed the point entirely 🤷🏻‍♀️
Unless you are either careless yourself or don't correct your own kids (if any) when they do something wrong. Maybe fight with yourself on this one...

Yes they do, but so does stupid behaviour, At 10 he should know better than to do something that will break a baby's cot.

if my TEN year old broke a baby's cot then I'd apologise a LOT & offer to buy a (new, not one of market place) cot.

Absolutely so.
Inane behaviour for a 10 yr old.

When my son was a teen, he had a friend that he used to get 'silly' with-they would set each other off.

{at 14}
I heard splintering wood, and went to investigate- the side panel of son's Pine bed had completely been kicked in.

I couldn't prove which one of them did it though, and neither owned up {at the time.}

It was a karate kick, and son doesn't do karate.

I had to let it go and buy a new bed- but since found out that cheaper timber used for children's beds is less structurally sound.

It's quick~ grown in Northern latitudes and very sappy. Had it been Victorian, the kid would have broken his foot most likely!

Obviously It was very annoying- got a replacement from Ikea that was affordable. .

Definitely getting the picture. Wonder how other people put up with her attitude.

I think now you’ve established the situation I would not go backwards. It would be totakkg justified to be nice but equally to read him the riot act on arrival. Your house, your rules

The real issue seems to be that you are resentful of the financial support your husband provides.
If you have a very reasonable/high disposable income I think it's nice your husband treats his nephew who otherwise might not get these things.
If you don't have a reasonable disposable income it sounds unfair.
I think it was up to your husband how the cot situation was managed. If it was me I'd probably be pretty upset if my OH went over my head on this.

I would be very clear with her that I think it’s very entitled for her to be asking for expensive gifts for her DS knowing that her kid has broken the cot and she hasn’t offered to replace it. I would also state that your DP’s FIRST priority should be to his own kids, not hers.

I am not resentful but there are boundaries to things, especially when you get married it's no longer a " solo" decision on things, especially when they cost ridiculous amounts. If I started spending what he considers ok. I agree had it been up to my husband he wouldn't have said anything and gone and brought it himself and to top it off, he did not see the issue with a 10 year old jumping on something he should have known better than not to do. It's the excuses for everything that annoys me. Also I shouldn't have to be punished if financials are different, it's not exactly that she couldn't afford it, she would intentionally choose to not pay but expect bigger treats of my DH.

Exactly this.

It's very entitled to ask in the first place and expect it! I would never up front ask any of my siblings or anyone to go crazy on any spend for my kids because it's outrageous. I have kept quiet for so long and tried to be an understanding person but they also need to remember DH is married and has his own family who should be a priority first. It's also DH fault because he enables a lot of this behaviour that actually many wouldn't tolerate, especially when it's down in secret.

It's interesting that your husband seems to side with his sister on child related issues more than you. Have you talked about how you will raise your children as I can see a clash of parenting styles ahead if you haven.