How old is too old to have a baby?

[Shaz83]

Just wondering how old is too old to have a baby? Fair enough being healthy etc is fine.. but how old is too old?

It didn't come to it but to me giving birth 35 plus wouldn't have been what I wanted. If I'd have fertility difficulties I would have said I'd go up to 39 giving birth, and cut off then. I wouldn't have wanted to be 40 giving birth.

I had fertility treatment (but no pregnancies) for 17yrs, stopped actively trying at age 38 and planned our lives accordingly. I fell pregnant naturally age 39 (lord knows how after all that), and again at age 41. My boys are now 25 & 23 and it has been a breeze. Older doesn't always mean worse/more tiring.

It’s a tough question - I had mine at 35 and 40 and I think early/mid 30s is probably the best age as you have had fun, establish a career path but still have energy. Having said that I wouldn’t swap my kids for anything in the world. For upper limit, I would say 40 is the maximum - with the second one, we are so tired every day but its also because we are dealing with 2, rather than being tired because of the baby.

I think if I had another one now at 42 I'd literally cry but my life is so busy and I know how difficult the younger years are. I think you walk into parenting with a colossal sense of naivety first time round so perhaps a first baby in your 40s with no other demanding older children to worry about is much more appealing than someone who has other children already.

Glad I wasn't 35+ in retrospect as you have to consider family support.

My partner and 3 out of 4 grandparents have all died within the last 10 years so it would have been difficult having a young baby/toddler with such limited support around.

Ideally, before 30.
31-34, oldish, but manageable.
35 or more, old.

I work in healthcare and they still, in medical terms, use elderly primigravida & advanced maternal age in the notes for those who will be 35+ at due date. Geriatric pregnancy not such much anymore.

Wouldn't have appreciated those terms being used personally!

A common theme here is that a second or subsequent pregnancy is so much harder and a lot of people are putting it down to age.

If you had your first at 33 it's a breeze but if it's your second, you're knackered and feeling 'too old'.
Same with 35, 37, 40 etc

With my first I had plenty energy, didn't feel particularly knackered, when she was born I didn't even mind the sleepless nights.

I'm exhausted with my second, not because I'm a few years older, but because I'm also looking after another child!

My. Mum had her last of 4 in the early 90's when she was 29 - she was referred to as a 'geriatric mother' back then and reckons she was the oldest in her antenatal group 🤣

I was 37 with my first and actually asked if that would be written on my notes and the midwife just laughed and said 'oh no, we don't even bat an eyelid these days till you're over 40'

It depends more on your circumstances, your support network, your finances and your general health. I wished I had had my babies 5 years earlier to be honest (1st at 37, 2nd at 41 because we struggled).

If I’d had no fertility problems and could have had kids whenever I wanted, I would have had one at 30ish and one at 32-33. So done by 35. As it happened I had one at 37 and no others stuck.

I’m 45 and definitely feel too old now - DS is 8 and I wouldn’t choose to go back to the baby phase. Up to about 42 I would probably have gone for it.

Had our first at 25, absolutely full of energy. Easy.

Last ones at 36. Beyond fucking knackered and timing means as the eldest leaves school and becomes pretty self sufficient, the youngest took their first day at primary. I will be telling DC categorically to have DC close together and we'll before 35. I would never do this again if I had my time over.

Wow! I'm a bit shocked by the majority of these responses actually. I had my 2 at 36 and 42 (started trying earlier but had 6 years of infertility), but never once have I felt 'too old' to have a baby.

I genuinely feel like we spent some fantastic years as a couple before having children - we did so much travelling, lived abroad, and furthered our careers. Now I'm older I think I'm more chilled out as a mum, we're more financially stable (I was able to take 10 years out of work to have time at home with each child before they started school) and we live a good, settled life.

I'm probably fitter now than I was before I had kids. I run and cycle, and try to take care of myself. I'm almost 50 and my youngest is 7, and that doesn't bother me at all.

I suspect that whatever you've done yourself, you probably feel is 'normal' and it's hard to imagine having done it another way. I don't think I'd have wanted to be a mum in my early 20s for example - but other people will be horrified at the idea of having a baby in your 40s.

I think too old is after menopause…nature’s way of letting us know when we are too old (not counting premature menopause obviously). I think mid-late 30s is ideal, cannot fathom wanting children in my 20s, I was way too busy travelling/ partying/ having fun. Had mine at 40, it’s been fine so far, 10 years on. I don’t think I was or am any more tired than the others in my NCT group who were 5-10 yrs younger. We still do all the things they do like go swimming, bike riding, ice skating, hiking, playing games in garden with her without any trouble. I’m definitely less resentful of the missing out on going out/ couples holidays etc than younger people, because I spent a long time doing all that pre-children. I guess we’ll see how the next 10 years pan out.

If I didn't already have my kids, I know for a fact I wouldn't have a cut off point. I'd never give up trying.

35 I think. Problem now is that many don’t get that chance before 35 die to the shit dating game.

Do you really consider family support in a decision to have a baby?

on my side only one living parent, 4 hours away.

dh parents both living and close by, but heavily enmeshed with their daughters children so no use to us. We’d arrange childcare for them to drop us last minute as a nephew needed picking up from football or something.

if we’d have gone into it based on whether we had family support we wouldn’t have had children.

Not to help with childcare, no, more for feeling isolated in general. In retrospect it's easier to say, but with a deceased partner of my children and no GP's (or other family) it is very isolating socially.

I think females have babies later now than when I had my babies. I had mine at 23, 25 had a miscarriage at 28 then youngest DC at 33. Now many women don't have their first DC until 33.

I'm 45 & my youngest is 10. I didn't really consider age at the time but the birth was quite traumatic and I wouldn't want a baby now. I'm definitely done. Happy with a 10 & 14 year old at this stage. In hindsight I would have maybe had them a couple of years younger/closer but it's fine as it is.

I completely get that. It was a factor for me in deciding not to have a 3rd child , (along with DH age) I felt like I couldn't do it without support from my mum. I had PND with DC 2 and I didn't think I could get through that again without being able to call her. (She died when DC2 was 1 )

I guess if I hadn't had any children it would probably feel a lot different

I would say past 45. I recently had a baby and went to different mum classes and most people were 36+. Thats around Bristol area.

I think it depends. I'm 40 and have two little ones and do not feel any different to friends with similar age children in their 20s and 30s (we all have a bit of sleep deprivation!) ideally, I think I'd have enjoyed being a mum sooner. I was 34 when my eldest showed up. I do think though, that if I'd had my kids 10 years earlier I would be less enthused about the idea of another baby at my age (whereas there's a part of me that would totally have a third... If we won the lottery!!).

My youngest arrived the day before my 39th birthday, but I'd had two miscarriages before him - so that timing was slightly out of my hands.

It definitely depends when you start having kids

I'm 41 with a 4 year old and pregnant but I have school friends who are now grandparents having had kids at 19/20.
My best friend has a 13 year old and always wanted more than one but now feels the gap is just too big to start again.
All 3 of us would give very different answers on our 'cut off age'

It definitely depends when you start having kids

Not really.
Many people have a child at the younger end then have another or their last 20 years later - choose a large gap, didn't choose a large gap but that's how it turned out, different relationship, many children.

Sorry I should have added 'in my experience / in my social and family circle'

You are right, there are always exceptions