Is OnlyFans a harmless outlet or am I right to be mad?

[Diamona63]

I discovered by seeing credit card statements that my partner of 8 years has been paying on and off for OnlyFans for the last couple of years. I didn't realise what it was at first because it was 'OF' on the statements.

I feel sick! It's not a huge amount but it feels seedy. I challenged him on this but calmly and he became very defensive, saying 'all men do this' and 'if you want a monk go find one's.

It's not a decent thing to do in a trusting relationship is it?

So no sorry. Just go and find a monk.

No need to find a monk just a normal decent guy without a porn habit would be great.

This would be an absolute dealbreaker for me, to the point where I’d end a decades-long marriage over it. It’s not the money, it’s what it says about how he views women. Yuck. Good on you for seeing it for what it is, OP.

I used to work with a young colleague who gave up a perfectly good job that was well paid to become an 'influencer' on Instagram, and went from taking pictures of herself in her knickers, to taking them off on OF because it was more lucrative. According to an ex-colleague she's a sex worker now (although I'd love to know how she would know that...).

A lot of young girls grow up watching pop stars in strippers gear bump and grinding and writhing around these days. Isn't supposed to be 'empowering' according to some feminists?... although I don't recall Alison Moyet or Annie Lennox turning up in just a thong in order to sing a song...

For me it would be the fact he fancied another woman enough that he would pay to see her. I couldn’t get past that.

tbf, "sex worker" encompasses people who make porn, too, not just those who have actual, in-person sex with others.

Being able to enjoy and capitalize on sexuality is empowering to women, but it's important that they themselves are choosing to do it, and that they also have the option to remain uh... non-sexualized, and still provide for themselves.

This. It would cancel out everything else

All men don't do this Find anotheri

Like you said there, hes on a point system good lord

His response is as/ even more problematic than the subscription. Has he always been this disrespectful and dismissive?

No big deal

Would he be ok with you looking up some men and doing the same thing? Maybe you should.

Really?

Yes. Some of the creators have free access pages which are intended to lure the viewers onto their paid sites, but in practice the free pages are just used by the men who don't want to pay for it 🙄
I know a few men who have accounts and only follow women who post free content.